Middle-aged man at the Minneapolis airport: “When Minnesota first got the lotto, they had the scratch-off lottery cards. I waited on line in a corner store, and the clerk asked me if I wanted to buy one and I said, ‘No. I do not play the lottery.’ The person behind me, as I was leaving, bought a ticket and won $1,000. The clerk turned to me and said, ‘See, you should have bought a ticket!’ and I said to her, ‘No, I’m glad I didn’t. Because I don’t play the lottery.'”
Mom in stall: Oh, look, honey. There are toilet seat covers!
12-year-old, also in stall: Yay! Oh, yay!
–Newark Internat’l Airport
Older man to African American girl): Where are you from? Ghana?
Girl (astonished): Columbus, Ohio!
–Terminal 2, JFK
Overheard by: Generous Supply
Girl: Wow, that was some pretty bad turbulence.
Guy: Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be having bowel movements for a week.
Overheard by: Jim D
Guy: I don’t think you’re supposed to like being incarcerated.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: mkb
Middle-aged man on phone: I’m telling you, if I turn myself in now I won’t be in court for six months.
–50th & 8th
Grungy guy to his friend: …Dude, you have no idea how many times I’ve been in this courthouse…
–Giants Parade, in Front of the Courthouse
Overheard by: Julian
Guy on phone: We really got ourselves in some deep shit with this one. I hope he gets out sooner for good behavior. We should have never gotten involved.
Woman, yelling in stall: I will read you your Miranda rights, bitch! I will arrest you!
–Port Authority Women’s Bathroom
Overheard by: unsure if she is crazy or on the phone
Cashier on phone: No, you don’t understand, miss. That is perjury. If I do that, I will go to jail… No, you are not listening to me. I would be arrested. I would serve time…[hangs up, turns to customers.] Can I help you?
Guy #1: Is that the last Harry Potter?
Girl with book: No, there’s one more after this.
Guy #1: What? How old is he? Isn’t he getting a little old to be in school?
Guy #2: He’s special, that’s why he goes to magic school.
Girl with book: Yeah, Harry rides the short train to school.
Overheard by: Jujubee
Chick on cell: Dan and I hit it off so great! We were sitting there on opposite ends of the couch and our feet were all intertwined, and I paused and just was like, ‘Look at us! It’s like we’ve known each other for ages!’ … Well, I’m thinking of asking him to get his DNA checked to see if we’re compatible. ‘Cause, you know, I want someone compatible. I wonder what his genealogical lines are. I told him that I was crazy, though, and that I was gonna ask. It’s just great that he’s willing to do it. It’s good that he knows I’ll be in control of everything.
–Plane leaving LaGuardia
Overheard by: Cassandra
Little girl: Mommy, my ears hurt!
Mom: That’s your third strike! I said stop!
She hits her daughter.
Little girl: That didn’t hurt.
Mom: I will kill you right now, don’t tell me that didn’t hurt.
Overheard by: Zeve
Girl: Where is Norfolk again? Virginia?
Guy: No, Long Island. Long Island forks into two parts, Norfolk and Suffolk.
Overheard by: miss n.
Asian girl #1: Where is Ontario?
Asian girl #2: Um…I think it’s in the Midwest.
Asian girl #1: Oh, really? Is it a state?
Asian girl #2: Hmm…I’m not sure…
–27th & 7th
Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don’t stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I’m going to yell at you and make fun of you.
Overheard by: tessa