Archive for the ‘Athletes’ Category

The Un­bear­able Light­ness Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Rasta­far­i­an man to white bas­ket­ball fe­male play­er with dreads: Hey! Why you white peo­ple al­ways try­ing to look like me!

–Union Square

Black guy sell­ing Em­pire State Build­ing tick­ets: You’re from Scot­land? I love the Scots… They’re pu­u­u­u­u­u­ur­rreee white!

–Out­side Em­pire State Build­ing

Black woman to an­oth­er, about frat guys near­by: Man, white peo­ple are so loud.

–109th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Becks

Black hobo to white teen: Get out of this neigh­bor­hood with your white crotch! You don’t be­long here!

–Up­per West Side

Black woman to cops walk­ing away: But I’m a Cau­casian!

–Bed-Stuy

He Thinks Out­side the Box, and That’s What I Love About Him

Ditzy run­ner #1: So I was like “did you use your juicer?” and he was like “yeah, but it went bad” and I was like “how did it go bad?” and he was like “well, I juiced a pota­to!“
Ditzy run­ner #2: A pota­to?
Ditzy run­ner #1, pleased with her sto­ry: a pota­to.

–Cen­tral Park, Dur­ing JP Mor­gan Chase 5K Run

Wednes­days Pad Their One-Lin­ers

Foot­ball play­er on ra­zor scoot­er, chas­ing shirt­less the­ater ma­jor: I’ll get you my pret­ty… And your lit­tle dick too!

–Wag­n­er Col­lege

Girl, look­ing at long ladies bath­room queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.

–Win­ter Gar­den The­atre

Slight­ly drunk man: I feel like some­one just shut a door on my dick.

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Hook­er to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of every­one!

–Out­side Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: David

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog own­er to an­oth­er: Dogs are fun­ny. They’re like lit­tle re­tard­ed kids.

–Tomp­kins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Deb­bie down­er to Deb­bie Down Syn­drome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Timo Lip­ping

Dad: I thought she would like Car­oli­na, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But every­one there seemed slight­ly re­tard­ed.”

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: John­ny V.

South­ern woman who just ran NYC marathon to South­ern friend: Well, we can’t have a ba­by now be­cause it would be re­tard­ed… be­cause I’m 35, you know?

–Bec­co Restau­rant, The­ater Dis­trict

Over­heard by: mer­say­seh

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Ex­pand Their Fe­cab­u­lary

Cy­clist: So he was all, “my shit is your shit,” and I thought, “that’s the most ro­man­tic thing I’ve heard.”

–Cen­tral Park

Dude on cell, check­ing out sun­block: They don’t have shit here. SPF 15 is too high!

–Du­ane Reade, Flush­ing

Tod­dler that dropped his toy: Oh, shit!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

10-year-old boy to friend: That was like the first time I ever took a shit in a pub­lic bath­room.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Man in bag­gy jeans walk­ing with gus­to: Oh, yes, oh yeah. She want­ed my shi­i­it… She want­ed my shit!

–6 Train

Chick to friends: He is to­tal­ly go­ing to shit a tam­pon!

–84th St & Am­s­ter­dam