Archive for the ‘B-List’ Category

Kind of Your Job, Stephen. Ours, Too.

Stephen Col­bert: Cox­sack­ie. It’s some­thing that kids get when they eat their poop, or even worse, some­one else’s poop. It’s high­ly con­ta­gious. For in­stance, in those playpens, with the plas­tic balls? Some­times they lick the balls, and they get coxsackie…God, that sound­ed so wrong.

–The Col­bert Re­port stu­dio, 54th & 10th

Over­heard by: fu­ture gy­no

Can I Have Your Au­to­graph, Wednes­day One-lin­ers?

Old Jew­ess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writ­ing an­oth­er di­et book. I have a friend who has read all her di­et books and every year she gets fat­ter and fat­ter.

–Mu­sic Box the­atre, West 45th Street

Frat­boy: She was like an ug­ly Paris Hilton, but not rich.

–C train

Over­heard by: nico­lette

Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.

–68th & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: An­drew Zar

Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tu­pac was named af­ter a Jew­ish hol­i­day.

–Red Hook

Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bot­tle of Scotch that they buy. You know, be­cause their dad was a boot­leg­ger and all.

–52 & Lex­ing­ton