Queer: Wow, he’s cute.
Straight guy: Yeah… So, do you want to fuck him?
Queer: No, I want him to fuck me.
–Central Park
Archive for the ‘Backdoor’ Category
J. Lo. and Puffy's Unfinished Life Together
Black guy with bags, bumping into Hispanic woman: Don't gimme that look, not my fault, not my fuckin' fault! (Hispanic woman just glares) Look at me again and I'll fuck you in the ass! –53rd St & 5th Ave
He Asked Me to Leave This Backpack Here and Not Open It
Queer: So, I went to that new dance club last night.
Fag hag: Oh, really? Any good?
Queer: Yeah… They were playing some weird disco music, which should’ve tipped me off. But anyway, this guy started hitting on me right away.
Fag hag: Oooh! Was he hot?
Queer: Sorta. I mean, he had this gigantic moustache.
Fag hag: Hmmm. He musta been a terrorist.
Queer: Actually, he did have that terror-esque gleam in his eye.
Fag hag: So, did you hook up or what?
Queer: Oh, yeah, totally fucked him in the bathroom. That terror-esque gleam is damn sexy.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: MiMi
If You’d Like to Consider Applying
Hipster boy: So, that’s mine. What’s yours?
Hipster girl: Mine’s anal.
Hipster boy: Um, anal’s not really a position. It’s more of an opening.
–6 train
Overheard by: LBs
The Drugs Might Have Something to Do With It
Asian girl: She said she let him do her in the butt for drugs!
Asian guy: That’s weird because she’s so conservative.
–E 9th St
Someday, He’ll Be Right
Blonde: Sean, Em just told us something very interesting about herself!
Queer: What? Oh my god! Did you finally have butt sex? I knew it! You let him stick it in your butt.
–Outside the W, Union Square
Overheard by: she had a nice butt…
If Will and Grace Had Been a Cable Show
Guy: So did you ever hear back from that guy who stood you up last week?
Girl: Yeah, actually he got stuck with his kids.
Guy: Kids? He's married?
Girl: Divorced, actually.
Guy: Wow, what a looser…I bet he has herpes.
Girl: Yeah, maybe. Maybe he really stood me up because he was fucking you in the ass and got herpes.
–Figarro's Restaurant
And by “You” I Mean “Not Me“
Thug #1: And when he walks down the stairs, he's all… (makes obscure hand gesture)
Thug #2: It's on him, though.
Thug #1: Oh, yeah.
Thug #2: I mean, my sister. She's…you know.
Thug #1: I thought it was going to be embarrassing, you know? But it's cool. You talk to the nigga, he's just hilarious, it's all funny, whatever he says.
Thug #3: Yeah, it's cool. Nigga's just totally flaming gay.
Thug #2: His choice, it's on him.
Thug #1: Yeah, man. Whatever you wanna put up your ass, you know, it's cool.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
But If That’s What’ll Get Us into the DAR, So Be It
Old lady #1: I hate the back door.
Old lady #2: Me, too.
–Bronx Zoo
It’s Enemas
Drunk girl: You’ve seen anal sex a million times in porn, but have you ever once seen shit on the guy’s dick? Or on the sheets?
Guy: Maybe they give the girls enemas first.
Drunk girl, draining glass: Well, they must give ’em something, because in real life ass-fucking is a shitty business.
–Tony Awards after-party, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Big Larry