Guy #1: His schlong was so long!
Guy #2: Did you get HIV?
Guy #1: No, I tested myself. You stick the thing in your butt for, like, five minutes like a thermometer. It feels so good.
–Washington Square Park
Archive for the ‘Backdoor’ Category
With This ‘Ring’, I Thee Wed…
Guy: So how come we can’t try butt loving?
Girl: I’m saving it for my husband.
Guy: Are you serious? That’s like so…Victorian of you.
–Soda Bar, Vanderbilt Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: axamendes
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” — Faith
· “And Calling It ‘Butt Loving’ Isn’t?” — Ante K
· “Gives New Meaning to ‘Do You Have Price Albert in the Can?’ ” — Lydia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wedding’ ” — clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My Ankles as I Give You a Rim Job” — sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Reader, I Butt Loved Him.’ ” — Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” — Karlikitten
· “Next, on the History Channel: Felching During the Reign of King Richard” — Matt
· “Victorians Were So Anal!” — eighty4sapphire
· “Virginity, Fudged” — Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the Only Thing Left in My Dowry” — ilemanzer
High Colonic Wednesday One-Liners
Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Jared
Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: tin steve
Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…
–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square
Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.
–2 train, 72nd St
Overheard by: Brett
Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.
–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx
Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.
–Hoboken PATH Station
Overheard by: Seph
Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Wednesday One-Liners Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts
Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’
–Bedford Ave
Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Auston McLain
Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole!
–LIRR
Overheard by: mish
Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.
–5th Ave & Union
Overheard by: Stephen
Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it.
–Restroom, JFK
Overheard by: colette
Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion!
–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th
Overheard by: Wendy Booz
At the Gape Pride Parade
Hispanic guy: I can’t believe it.
Southeast Asian guy: What?
Tan guy: Yeah, what?
Hispanic guy: How dilated my ass is!
Southeast Asian guy: I believe it — I was there.
–23rd & 9th
Overheard by: nate honeycut
No Shit?
Teen boy #1: Yo son, butt sex mad disgusting.
Teen boy #2: No, it ain’t. If she shit before you do it you won’t get no poop on yo dick.
Teen boy #1: Pfft. They always be shit in her ass even if she shits.
Teen boy #2: Nah, son.
Teen boy #1: When you pull the mushroom out there gonna be shit under it.
Teen boy #2: Ha, ha, ha! No, it ain’t…Ask her about it.
–R train
Overheard by: Evan Walsh
Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.
–Fulton & Gold
Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin’ any kinda research inta furries? You’re in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve totally got a cold too! But I’ve also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she’s a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth
Bland middle-aged woman: It’s not like you’re giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
English tourist: You’ll go home and people will ask: “So what did you do on holiday?” You’ll reply: “Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!”
–34th St
Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don’t you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!
–34th Street
Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.
–8th Ave & 53rd St
Guy on cell: Is that the guy that’s been sucking your dick?
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kelley
Young guy on cell: And then I said: “I could really use a blowjob right now.” She was offended!
–48th & Park
Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn’t make her Oprah Winfrey.
–B48 Bus
The Riddle of the Sphincter: Solved
Teen boy: I don’t see how a gay boy’s booty just expands like that.
Queer bystander: Actually, it doesn’t expand — it rips.
Teen boy: Oh, thanks. I needed that.
–G train
Overheard by:
