Archive for the ‘Backdoor’ Category

She To­tal­ly Got Sodom­ized by the Hulk

Girl: I talked to Jack­ie. She got some kind of bug in In­dia!
Guy: Oh, no! What hap­pened?
Girl: I don’t think I should talk about this now.
Guy: What­ev­er, no one cares.
Girl: Okay. Well, she was shit­ting green.
Guy: Oh, my God! Wait, I should not be laugh­ing, that is not fun­ny at all.
Girl: Yeah, and the doc­tor asked her to bring in a stool sam­ple and she was shit­ting so much that she brought one in a half hour lat­er. The doc­tors were like, “What the fuck?”.

–Union Square Re­gal Cin­e­mas

With This ‘Ring’, I Thee Wed…

Guy: So how come we can’t try butt lov­ing?
Girl: I’m sav­ing it for my hus­band.
Guy: Are you se­ri­ous? That’s like so…Victorian of you.

–So­da Bar, Van­der­bilt Ave, Brook­lyn
Head­line by: ax­a­m­endes

Run­ners-Up:
· “Ac­tu­al­ly, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” — Faith
· “And Call­ing It ‘Butt Lov­ing’ Is­n’t?” — Ante K
· “Gives New Mean­ing to ‘Do You Have Price Al­bert in the Can?’ ” — Ly­dia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wed­ding’ ” — clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My An­kles as I Give You a Rim Job” — sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Read­er, I Butt Loved Him.’ ” — Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” — Kar­likit­ten
· “Next, on the His­to­ry Chan­nel: Felch­ing Dur­ing the Reign of King Richard” — Matt
· “Vic­to­ri­ans Were So Anal!” — eighty4sapphire
· “Vir­gin­i­ty, Fudged” — Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the On­ly Thing Left in My Dowry” — ile­manz­er

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

High Colonic Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowl­ing ball!

–34th & 6th

Over­heard by: Jared

Male stu­dent to two friends: No, they lit­er­al­ly put it in your ass!

–51st & Broad­way

Over­heard by: tin steve

Bilin­gual hip­ster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who want­ed to or­der the flan and you were the one who want­ed to put it up where it does­n’t be­long! Ex­it on­ly! Flan ex­it on­ly! No en­tra­da por na­da!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for house­keep­ing…

–Lob­by of W Ho­tel, Union Square

Train an­nounc­er: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.

–2 train, 72nd St

Over­heard by: Brett

Gay man in kitchen: There’s ab­solute­ly noth­ing gay about me oth­er than the cook­ing and the clean­ing, and the tak­ing it up the ass.

–207th St, Wood­lawn, Bronx

Thug: Ba­by… C’­mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.

–Hobo­ken PATH Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Seph

Gui­do: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-tak­er-in­ner!

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: Patrick Di Jus­to

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts

Hip­ster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some ad­vice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a ba­nana and shove it up your ass?’

–Bed­ford Ave

Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: Aus­ton McLain

Girl to guy: I am not shov­ing any­thing in your hole!

–LIRR

Over­heard by: mish

Mid­dle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.

–5th Ave & Union

Over­heard by: Stephen

Woman on cell: You tell him he bet­ter pay for it. I bet­ter get his mon­ey. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fuck­ing dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he bet­ter fuck­ing pay for it.

–Re­stroom, JFK

Over­heard by: co­lette

An­gry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t un­der­stand re­li­gion!

–Em­pire State Build­ing, 34th & 5th

Over­heard by: Wendy Booz

No Shit?

Teen boy #1: Yo son, butt sex mad dis­gust­ing.
Teen boy #2: No, it ain’t. If she shit be­fore you do it you won’t get no poop on yo dick.
Teen boy #1: Pfft. They al­ways be shit in her ass even if she shits.
Teen boy #2: Nah, son.
Teen boy #1: When you pull the mush­room out there gonna be shit un­der it.
Teen boy #2: Ha, ha, ha! No, it ain’t…Ask her about it.

–R train

Over­heard by: Evan Walsh

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Spell It “Am­i­nals”