Bronx guy: I mean, he’s fuckin’ a 12-year-old boy right now, as we speak.
Transit worker: I hear ya.
–Grand Central
Archive for the ‘Backdoor’ Category
She Totally Got Sodomized by the Hulk
Girl: I talked to Jackie. She got some kind of bug in India!
Guy: Oh, no! What happened?
Girl: I don’t think I should talk about this now.
Guy: Whatever, no one cares.
Girl: Okay. Well, she was shitting green.
Guy: Oh, my God! Wait, I should not be laughing, that is not funny at all.
Girl: Yeah, and the doctor asked her to bring in a stool sample and she was shitting so much that she brought one in a half hour later. The doctors were like, “What the fuck?”.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas
“Try telling her that.”
Guy: Wait, you had anal sex?
Girl: Yeah. It really hurt.
Guy: Well, what did you expect? Why did you do it?
Girl: You have to try everything once, just as my mother told me.
Guy: I don’t think you’re meant to include anal.
–Umi Sushi, 2nd Avenue
Didn’t Want to Be a Pathetic Little Safe-Sex Bitch
Guy #1: His schlong was so long!
Guy #2: Did you get HIV?
Guy #1: No, I tested myself. You stick the thing in your butt for, like, five minutes like a thermometer. It feels so good.
–Washington Square Park
With This ‘Ring’, I Thee Wed…
Guy: So how come we can’t try butt loving?
Girl: I’m saving it for my husband.
Guy: Are you serious? That’s like so…Victorian of you.
–Soda Bar, Vanderbilt Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: axamendes
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” — Faith
· “And Calling It ‘Butt Loving’ Isn’t?” — Ante K
· “Gives New Meaning to ‘Do You Have Price Albert in the Can?’ ” — Lydia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wedding’ ” — clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My Ankles as I Give You a Rim Job” — sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Reader, I Butt Loved Him.’ ” — Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” — Karlikitten
· “Next, on the History Channel: Felching During the Reign of King Richard” — Matt
· “Victorians Were So Anal!” — eighty4sapphire
· “Virginity, Fudged” — Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the Only Thing Left in My Dowry” — ilemanzer
High Colonic Wednesday One-Liners
Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Jared
Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: tin steve
Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…
–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square
Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.
–2 train, 72nd St
Overheard by: Brett
Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.
–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx
Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.
–Hoboken PATH Station
Overheard by: Seph
Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Wednesday One-Liners Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts
Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’
–Bedford Ave
Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Auston McLain
Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole!
–LIRR
Overheard by: mish
Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.
–5th Ave & Union
Overheard by: Stephen
Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it.
–Restroom, JFK
Overheard by: colette
Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion!
–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th
Overheard by: Wendy Booz
At the Gape Pride Parade
Hispanic guy: I can’t believe it.
Southeast Asian guy: What?
Tan guy: Yeah, what?
Hispanic guy: How dilated my ass is!
Southeast Asian guy: I believe it — I was there.
–23rd & 9th
Overheard by: nate honeycut
No Shit?
Teen boy #1: Yo son, butt sex mad disgusting.
Teen boy #2: No, it ain’t. If she shit before you do it you won’t get no poop on yo dick.
Teen boy #1: Pfft. They always be shit in her ass even if she shits.
Teen boy #2: Nah, son.
Teen boy #1: When you pull the mushroom out there gonna be shit under it.
Teen boy #2: Ha, ha, ha! No, it ain’t…Ask her about it.
–R train
Overheard by: Evan Walsh
Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.
–Fulton & Gold
