Archive for the ‘Bag ladies’ Category

Al­so Why I Stopped Giv­ing Up My Seat to Old Peo­ple on the Bus

(teenagers are pack­ing in­to a crowd­ed sub­way car where a tiny, an­cient-look­ing bag la­dy is pan­han­dling)
Woman try­ing to be help­ful: Hey, hey, slow down, careful–there’s an old la­dy you peo­ple are gonna knock down!
Bag la­dy, shout­ing irate­ly: I’m not old, moth­er­fuck­er!

–S Train

Over­heard by: P. nut

The Liq­uid As­sets Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, we apol­o­gize for the de­lay. There is a prob­lem with a sig­nal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there’s a bar car!

–Metro North

Over­heard by: An­na

Obese la­dy buy­ing pork chops to obese friend: I be cut­ting down on on so­da.

–Troy Ave & Park Place

Ex­as­per­at­ed woman: And he was drink­ing Jack Daniels be­fore he even got to my place…

–3rd & 6th

Over­heard by: j

Fe­male suit on cell: Well, what do you ex­pect? It was green Gatorade and grain al­co­hol!

–Broad­way & 54th St

Over­heard by: Loren

Bag la­dy to an­oth­er: Lis­ten, Al­ice, if you don’t want to lose your leg, you got­ta drink wa­ter, they’ll take your legs oth­er­wise.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Robin

Fran­tic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk any­where in this city! (sprints out of Star­bucks)

–Star­bucks, Times Square

Over­heard by: el­lie

Tough guy out­side bar with friends: So I like ap­ple juice. What the fuck?

–East Vil­lage

I Don’t Like Where This Is Go­ing

Old­er bag la­dy: How do you think may­or Bloomberg got so rich?
Woman with ba­by in stroller: I don’t know. How?
Old­er bag la­dy: You think by be­ing a slut?
Woman with ba­by stroller: Maybe.
Old­er bag la­dy: How do you think Oprah Win­frey got so rich?
Woman with ba­by in stroller: I don’t know.
Old­er bag la­dy: You think by be­ing a slut?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: flori­da­sun­shine

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Are Koo Koo

Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for be­ing an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, la­dy. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. What­ev­er. See ya! Would­n’t want to be ya!

–F train

Queer: He to­tal­ly has to un­der­stand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stew­art peo­ple are crazy too!

–27th street of­fice

Crazy la­dy: Well, I think you should give me my mu­si­cal in­stru­ments back be­cause I know that you’ve been steal­ing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not mu­sic. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy.

–Bed­ford Av­enue sta­tion

Over­heard by: Greg Rut­ter

Crazy man: I al­ready told you I don’t have no chick­en. Be­sides, I gave you that tree last week.

–54th & 11th

Crazy woman: I’ve got demons be­hind me, shit next to me, and the ug­ly ones in front of me. I need an an­gel above me.

–World Fi­nan­cial Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Dr. Bal­lon

Crazy bag la­dy: Stay away from the peo­ple! Stay away from the id­iot Mex­i­cans!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Kaitlen

Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysit­ter from across the hall?…is watch­ing me.

–46th & 8th

Over­heard by: ballpeen ham­mer

Crazy la­dy: I don’t be­lieve this. Pussyass son of a fuck­ing fag­got!

–Lex­ing­ton & 23rd

Hobo: Would some­one please tell Court­ney Love to get her god­damned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would some­one please tell Court­ney Love to get her god­damned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would some­one please tell Court­ney Love to get her god­damned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!

–19th be­tween 7th & 8th