Archive for the ‘Bag ladies’ Category

Wednes­day One-lin­ers are Out in the Streets

Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sand­wich.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Ja­son K

Old bag la­dy: I’m look­ing for some change, some food, or a sex­u­al part­ner.

–Lafayette & Great Jones

Hobo: I have some­thing to say! I fucked your daugh­ter! And she liked it! And she was tight!

–W. 4th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Snezhana Vald­man

Hobo: Too many Po­lice in­ves­ti­ga­tions stop­ping you from reach­ing your des­ti­na­tion? I may be home­less, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!

–Stat­en Is­land fer­ry

Over­heard by: Joel Guil­bert

Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me mon­ey, one more thing. Has your sis­ter or girl­friend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?

–45th & 9th

Over­heard by: Paul Schel­len­berg

Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Fran­lin! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! Give me some re­spect!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Evan

Hobo: It’s 90 de­grees out. Why are we wear­ing clothes? That’s men­tal ill­ness.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter sta­tion

Al­so Why I Stopped Giv­ing Up My Seat to Old Peo­ple on the Bus

(teenagers are pack­ing in­to a crowd­ed sub­way car where a tiny, an­cient-look­ing bag la­dy is pan­han­dling)
Woman try­ing to be help­ful: Hey, hey, slow down, careful–there’s an old la­dy you peo­ple are gonna knock down!
Bag la­dy, shout­ing irate­ly: I’m not old, moth­er­fuck­er!

–S Train

Over­heard by: P. nut

The Liq­uid As­sets Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, we apol­o­gize for the de­lay. There is a prob­lem with a sig­nal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there’s a bar car!

–Metro North

Over­heard by: An­na

Obese la­dy buy­ing pork chops to obese friend: I be cut­ting down on on so­da.

–Troy Ave & Park Place

Ex­as­per­at­ed woman: And he was drink­ing Jack Daniels be­fore he even got to my place…

–3rd & 6th

Over­heard by: j

Fe­male suit on cell: Well, what do you ex­pect? It was green Gatorade and grain al­co­hol!

–Broad­way & 54th St

Over­heard by: Loren

Bag la­dy to an­oth­er: Lis­ten, Al­ice, if you don’t want to lose your leg, you got­ta drink wa­ter, they’ll take your legs oth­er­wise.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Robin

Fran­tic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk any­where in this city! (sprints out of Star­bucks)

–Star­bucks, Times Square

Over­heard by: el­lie

Tough guy out­side bar with friends: So I like ap­ple juice. What the fuck?

–East Vil­lage

I Don’t Like Where This Is Go­ing

Old­er bag la­dy: How do you think may­or Bloomberg got so rich?
Woman with ba­by in stroller: I don’t know. How?
Old­er bag la­dy: You think by be­ing a slut?
Woman with ba­by stroller: Maybe.
Old­er bag la­dy: How do you think Oprah Win­frey got so rich?
Woman with ba­by in stroller: I don’t know.
Old­er bag la­dy: You think by be­ing a slut?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: flori­da­sun­shine