Archive for the ‘Balls’ Category

Sure, Lisa, Some Mag­i­cal Wednes­day One-Lin­er.…

Dude with chick to group of smok­ers out­side bar: We are go­ing to eat pork chops and fuck.

–Bleeck­er and Cros­by

Gay male on cell: …Do you re­al­ly think I would try his sausage balls?

–53rd St & 8th Ave

Bud­get Vin Diesel: I love ba­con. If I could, I would put ba­con in my ce­re­al.

–Sun­burnt Cow, Av­enue C

Over­heard by: LeahPia77

His­pan­ic deli work­er: Es muy bara­to, co­mo la carne de gato.

–10th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: An­na Pi­lar

Black man, to Jew­ish friend: You’re not Jew­ish. You had ba­con at your baby’s nam­ing cer­e­mo­ny. Thick­est, juici­est most de­li­cious ba­con I ever ate in my life. You named your kid Samuel and you had ba­con. De­li­cious, de­li­cious ba­con.

–A Train

Man on cell phone: The sausages! I mean, I don’t feel bad for the hot dogs. But, the sausages?!

–41st and 7th

Over­heard by: Justin

Wednes­day Go-Down-On-Lin­ers

Whole­some-look­ing man, walk­ing with sev­er­al fam­i­lies with kids and car­ry­ing a cross: Je­sus Christ died for our sins to­day so that we can all give blowjobs when­ev­er we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I’ll get on the Jum­boTron if I deep throat this pick­le?

–MSG: Rangers — Caps Play­off Game

40-some­thing, dur­ing high school re­union: How dare you tell my hus­band I gave you a blowjob? I was a vir­gin in high school!

–Out­side Jake’s Dillem­ma

Women on cell: I told him, if he did­n’t start sham­poo­ing his pubes I would stop blow­ing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Mid­dle-aged Ro­man­ian: I heard he gives bet­ter BJs than San­ta Claus!

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Crazy Ro­ma­ni­ans

Tues­days with Mor­rie Used to Be Way Less Awk­ward

Guy #1 hold­ing porn DVD: I would so love to fuck a girl that was in­to DP.
Guy #2: Yeah, me too, but ball touch­ing is so gay, and I’m try­ing to re­cov­er from the cock.

Head­line by: Will

Run­ners-Up:

· “Be­cause hot cock re­quires cold turkey” — Greg Costel­lo

· “He al­so just had laser surgery for his mas­tur­ba­to­ry blind­ness” — re­mark

· “I know dad, i know.” — nick

· “I think there’s a 12 inch pro­gram for that.” — nick

· “Rec­tum? That roost­er near­ly killed ‘im!” — Dal­ton

· “Step One: Stop go­ing to the porn shop with your “bud­dy”” — DanaL­ishs


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

More or Less, Al­low­ing for In­di­vid­ual Vari­a­tion

Fa­ther: It was the Mil­lion Man March. It was a mil­lion men march­ing in the cap­i­tal for our peo­ple.
Son: No girls? No moms?
Fa­ther: No girls, just men.
Son: So there was a mil­lion penis­es?
Fa­ther (try­ing to bring it back on­to sub­ject): Yes. But it was the Mil­lion Man March.
Son: So there were two mil­lion balls?
Fa­ther: That’s not the point.
Son: But every­body had one pe­nis and two balls, right?
Fa­ther: Pre­sum­ably.

–4th St & 125th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Lit­er­al­ly

Man on cell, au­thor­i­ta­tive­ly: Ejac­u­late!

–14th b/w 3rd & 4th

Moth­er to cu­ri­ous lit­tle girl reach­ing out to touch Wall Street bul­l’s tes­ti­cles: No! (yanks her away)

–Bowl­ing Green

Woman shout­ing across a grassy field: Slut­bots!

–Mc­Car­ren Park, Brook­lyn

(in­ter­com beeps 10 times)
Train con­duc­tor, over in­ter­com: Shit.
(in­ter­com con­tin­ues to beep)

–Hud­son Line Train

Man on bike speed­ing along Brook­lyn Bridge walk­way: Pussy­hooool­lleeeeee!

–Brook­lyn Bridge

Qui­et, old­er gen­tle­man sip­ping cof­fee, leaf­ing through news­pa­per: Moth­er­fuck­ers!

–Barnes & No­ble Cof­fee Bar, Broad­way

Over­heard by: Suze V