Archive for the ‘Bank’ Category

Wedne$day One-Lin­er$

Blonde: But I want my mon­ey to have per­son­al­i­ty.

–Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: Late Night Dori­tos

Guy in Swee­ny Todd t‑shirt: Oh my god, we have to go back, we for­got the card­board! How can we make mon­ey with­out card­board?!

–Mc­Don­ald’s, 3rd Ave

East­ern Eu­ro­pean man: I nev­er wait­ed for an ATM in my life! What the fuck!?

–Bank of Amer­i­ca, Uni­ver­si­ty & 14th

Well-dressed mid­dle aged woman: Mon­ey is so ex­pen­sive these days…

–Filene’s Base­ment, Union Square

Over­heard by: Bar­gin Shop­per

Woman in line for gen­er­al ad­mis­sion, to com­pan­ion: An $18 mu­se­um? You’d bet­ter look at fuck­ing every­thing, and touch some stuff too!

–Guggen­heim Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Tom

Give Me a Wednes­day With One-Lin­ers, Long Beau­ti­ful One-Lin­ers

Lati­no nan­ny to red­head­ed tod­dler, af­ter he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It’s freak­ing peo­ple out.

–Cen­tral Park

Di­sheveled raggedy hobo, rep­ri­mand­ing suit: Get a hair­cut!

–Wa­chovia Wells Far­go

Over­heard by: CS

Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train sta­tion is, where all them home­less peo­ple live? Yeah, that’s where I go get my hair done. She does­n’t fuck my hair up, be­cause I told her, “you best not fuck my hair up.” And now she nev­er does. (chuck­les)

–LIRR

Over­heard by: kill her

Beau­ti­ful an­gry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street be­cause I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had want­ed to do my hair lat­er, be­cause it’s too damn hot to be sit­ting up in that place. But I’m not go­ing to no damn bar­be­cue with weave hair in my bag!

–The Bronx

Over­heard by: Shrimp on the bar­bie

Lit­tle boy with squirt gun: No! You wet­ted my hair! My beau­ti­ful flow­ing hair!

–Rock­e­feller Park

Man­ag­er: Hm­mm. Sales of lace thongs, push-up bras and thigh-high stock­ings have quin­tu­pled re­cent­ly

In­ter­view­er #1: So, do you deal with a lot of cus­tomers on a dai­ly ba­sis?
Young Man: Yes.
In­ter­view­er #2: Tell us about a sit­u­a­tion where a cus­tomer be­came irate and how you han­dled it.
Young Man: Well, I work at Vic­to­ri­a’s Se­cret so I deal with women, most­ly. Some­times, when they need some­thing, they don’t want me to help them be­cause I am a man. I just tell them, “You’re buy­ing this for your man, so should­n’t a man help you pick out your panties?”

–Com­merce Bank, 42nd & 9th

Chase Is an Equal-Op­por­tu­ni­ty Fore­clos­er

African Amer­i­can bank em­ploy­ee: Ma’am, it’s not Chase’s fault that you had to go to a Citibank at 4 am be­cause there was a home­less man sleep­ing in the Chase lob­by. We can­not re­fund the $1.50 fee that Citibank charged you.
90-year-old woman: He was Cau­casian! Can you be­lieve it?
African Amer­i­can bank em­ploy­ee: Ma’am, even Cau­casians can be home­less.

–Chase Bank

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Be­lieve You Have Their Red Swing­line Sta­pler

Black suit on cell : What’cha mean you can’t get a job? Tu­pac’s been dead for years and the nig­ga’s still putting out al­bums!

–Cen­ter St & Pearl St

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Friend­ly suit to friend: It’s not about get­ting the work done! It’s about…well, I don’t know what it’s about.

–Vessey & Broad­way

Over­heard by: mon­do man

Suit in next of­fice: Okay, I have of­fi­cial­ly hat­ed to­day! (phone rings) No! Fuck you!

–Of­fice Build­ing, W 46th St

Over­heard by: The­Green­Cat

Guy on cell: So, did you find me a job yet? (pause) Well, I want some­thing that is­n’t chal­leng­ing, pays well, and does­n’t care when I show up.

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Cori

Guy on cell (about to start bank teller shift): Come on and hur­ry up. I’m try­ing to get drunk be­fore I start my sec­ond job.

–Chase Bank, Times Square

Young woman yelling in­to cell af­ter be­ing re­fused en­trance: God­damn, whose dick I got to suck to get my ca­reer start­ed? Tell me where they at!

–Lob­by, Her­ald Square Tow­ers