Young woman, waiting to deposit paycheck: They is killin’ me in taxes! I got to get a baby.
–HSBC, Hanson Pl, Brooklyn
Overheard by: andrew
Archive for the ‘Bank’ Category
Wedne$day One-Liner$
Blonde: But I want my money to have personality.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Late Night Doritos
Guy in Sweeny Todd t-shirt: Oh my god, we have to go back, we forgot the cardboard! How can we make money without cardboard?!
–McDonald's, 3rd Ave
Eastern European man: I never waited for an ATM in my life! What the fuck!?
–Bank of America, University & 14th
Well-dressed middle aged woman: Money is so expensive these days…
–Filene's Basement, Union Square
Overheard by: Bargin Shopper
Woman in line for general admission, to companion: An $18 museum? You'd better look at fucking everything, and touch some stuff too!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Tom
Give Me a Wednesday With One-Liners, Long Beautiful One-Liners
Latino nanny to redheaded toddler, after he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It's freaking people out.
–Central Park
Disheveled raggedy hobo, reprimanding suit: Get a haircut!
–Wachovia Wells Fargo
Overheard by: CS
Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that's where I go get my hair done. She doesn't fuck my hair up, because I told her, "you best not fuck my hair up." And now she never does. (chuckles)
–LIRR
Overheard by: kill her
Beautiful angry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street because I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had wanted to do my hair later, because it's too damn hot to be sitting up in that place. But I'm not going to no damn barbecue with weave hair in my bag!
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Shrimp on the barbie
Little boy with squirt gun: No! You wetted my hair! My beautiful flowing hair!
–Rockefeller Park
Well, One Could.
Sassy black tourist girl: Excuse me, you seen an ATM?
Security guard: (silence)
Sassy black tourist girl: I said, any of y'all seen an ATM?
Woman using ATM: Um, these are ATMs.
Sassy black tourist girl: Oh shoot, you could get money outta that?
–Chase, Broadway & Spring
Does Yours Look Like Danny Devito, Too?
Woman in line at bank: I got a twin.
Friend: I think everybody do.
–HSBC, Boreum Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tony Cimino, DMA
Half Of the City Has That Excuse, Ma'am.
Hobo, opening door for ATM users: Hey, girl. Remember the homeless. Give money to the homeless.
Woman, leaving ATM and walking out the door: No. I just got fired.
–Citibank, 16th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lindsay
Get That Triumph-of-the-Human-Spirit Taste Out Of My Mouth
20-something guy: I saw Wall-E this weekend. (pause) Then I saw Wanted to balance it out.
–Deutsche Bank Elevator
Overheard by: Katerina S,
Manager: Hmmm. Sales of lace thongs, push-up bras and thigh-high stockings have quintupled recently
Interviewer #1: So, do you deal with a lot of customers on a daily basis?
Young Man: Yes.
Interviewer #2: Tell us about a situation where a customer became irate and how you handled it.
Young Man: Well, I work at Victoria's Secret so I deal with women, mostly. Sometimes, when they need something, they don't want me to help them because I am a man. I just tell them, “You're buying this for your man, so shouldn't a man help you pick out your panties?”
–Commerce Bank, 42nd & 9th
Chase Is an Equal-Opportunity Forecloser
African American bank employee: Ma'am, it's not Chase's fault that you had to go to a Citibank at 4 am because there was a homeless man sleeping in the Chase lobby. We cannot refund the $1.50 fee that Citibank charged you.
90-year-old woman: He was Caucasian! Can you believe it?
African American bank employee: Ma'am, even Caucasians can be homeless.
–Chase Bank
Wednesday One-Liners Believe You Have Their Red Swingline Stapler
Black suit on cell : What'cha mean you can't get a job? Tupac's been dead for years and the nigga's still putting out albums!
–Center St & Pearl St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Friendly suit to friend: It's not about getting the work done! It's about…well, I don't know what it's about.
–Vessey & Broadway
Overheard by: mondo man
Suit in next office: Okay, I have officially hated today! (phone rings) No! Fuck you!
–Office Building, W 46th St
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Guy on cell: So, did you find me a job yet? (pause) Well, I want something that isn't challenging, pays well, and doesn't care when I show up.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Cori
Guy on cell (about to start bank teller shift): Come on and hurry up. I'm trying to get drunk before I start my second job.
–Chase Bank, Times Square
Young woman yelling into cell after being refused entrance: Goddamn, whose dick I got to suck to get my career started? Tell me where they at!
–Lobby, Herald Square Towers