Archive for the ‘Barbers and hairdressers’ Category

Strange­ly, Our First Ever Quote to In­clude the Words “Pig Urine”

Old man: So where are you from?
Bar­ber: Rus­sia.
Old man: Oh yes, they have a lot of mon­ey there in Rus­sia.
Bar­ber: No, very poor.
Old man: Where in Rus­sia are you from?
Bar­ber: Uzbek­istan.
Old man: Oh! So you’re from the boon­docks? Your coun­try would be like the boon­docks to Rus­sia.
Bar­ber: I lived in a city.
Old man: A city? You mean you did­n’t grow up on a farm?
Bar­ber: No.
Old man: You did­n’t have live­stock?
Bar­ber: Yes. We had pigs and chick­ens.
Old man: Pigs are great. But pig urine smells aw­ful. And chick­ens are stu­pid. They will lie back with their mouths open and drown in a rain­storm.
Bar­ber: Yes, chick­ens are stu­pid. I named them af­ter my sis­ters.

–E 9th & Ave A

But the Steak Was Rare

Bar­ber #1: Yo, last night I had a steak.
Bar­ber #2: Don’t tell me you had steak last night. Tell me you fucked some bitch­es last night. Tell me you got your ass licked last night. Tell me you fart­ed in a chick­’s mouth and her cheeks blew up last night.

–Bar­ber­shop, Queens

Over­heard by: Nathaniel

Bar­ber­shop Fun

Hair­cut­ter: So she want­ed me to put wax in her hair. And I told her I did­n’t have any, that it’s $19 a bot­tle and if I get some for every­one I’ll go through it in no time. So she says that I should buy it for my cus­tomers. If she likes it so much, she should go buy it her­self. I mean, it’s one thing if the cunt were a good tip­per.

–As­tor Place [Trans­lat­ed from the Russ­ian]

…Or Am I Think­ing Of That Mel Gib­son Movie Where He’s All De­formed?

Wait­ing pa­tron to man in styl­ist chair: You look like the guy in that old gang­ster movie. It’s not Scar­face, though.
Hair styl­ist: The one with John Tra­vol­ta, right?
Pa­tron: No, no, it’s an old one, with George Raft.
Man in chair: I don’t know which one you mean…
Pa­tron: No, it’s an old one. Black and white, from the ’30s.
Hair styl­ist: Face/Off, it’s with John Tra­vol­ta and Nico­las Cage.

–125th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: EthanK

Ha­ha! You Said “Wednes­day One-Lin­ers”!

Pro­fes­sor: So, the prob­a­bil­i­ty you’re deal­ing with a straight is de­ter­mined by what comes out the back end here.

–Sta­tis­tics lec­ture, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Chuck­les

Blonde hair­styl­ist to male cus­tomer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day.

–Up­scale hair sa­lon

NYU pro­fes­sor about ex­per­tise in­volved in de­ter­min­ing chick­en gen­der: When was the last time you turned over a chick?

–NYU

Bi­ol­o­gy pro­fes­sor: Ho­mo erec­tus? Ho­mosapi­ens? I don’t know… So many ho­mos.

–Wag­n­er Col­lege

Over­heard by: Cather­ine

Prim old­er la­dy: You guys could eat out. Al­so, you could go out for din­ner… Yes, I’m twelve.

–Rel­ish, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la and Winifred

I Just Like Get­ting On My Knees Five Times A Day

Hair­dress­er #1: So, you’re a prac­tic­ing Mus­lim?
Hair­dress­er #2: Yep.
Hair­dress­er #1: So, do Mus­lims pray to God, or Mo­hammed, or both?
Hair­dress­er #2: I don’t re­al­ly get in­to the de­tails.

–East 19th St & Ave R, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: brook­lyn blonde

Head­line by: ile­manz­er

Run­ners-Up:

· “I pray to Al­lah Up­do and Crew­cut Christ” — kat­cob

· “I’m just in­to the hat­ing Jews part.” — Dav­eO

· “I’m more about the ac­ces­sories” — Ty

· “Is­lam is in-er than Thai la­dy­boys this sea­son.” — eyp

· “Nei­ther does the Pres­i­dent.” — Bec­ca


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