Archive for the ‘Barbershop’ Category

Wednes­days Have “The Last Sup­per” on Their One-Lin­ers

Guy: Do I look like I or­dered straw­ber­ries and cream? I have tat­toos on my head and face!

–Star­bucks

Be­ing a full-time tran­ny is like hav­ing a tat­too on your fore­head. Like, you can’t work, like, what do you do?

–Brook­lyn

Cus­tomer to an­oth­er, about bar­ber: Take him for ex­am­ple, he was in the spe­cial forces. He’s got a big tat­too on his arm that says, “Kill ’em all, let god sort ’em out.” Drop him off in Prospect Park to­day and to­mor­row he’ll be eat­ing a sand­wich.

–Park Slope Bar­ber Shop

Over­heard by: ian day­walk­er

Chat­ty young woman to bored-look­ing guy friend: You know, my shoes would re­al­ly look a lot bet­ter if I had a foot tat­too.

–D Train

Man with tat­too that reads “don’t go to hell” to friend: There’s a fun­ny sto­ry be­hind this tat­too. I was dat­ing this bitch, and she would wake up every morn­ing and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was go­ing to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sex­u­al­ly, she was great. We’d go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we’d have two or three women hang­ing around us try­ing to go home with us.

–Chipo­tle

Over­heard by: Jana

Wednes­day Blood­lin­ers

Girl to guy: And then he cheat­ed on me with his male and fe­male cousin.

–9th & 21st, Chelsea

Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sis­ter.

–72nd & Cen­tral Park West

Gui­do, get­ting his hair cut, in a thick Stat­en Is­land ac­cent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can’t bang your step­sis­ter.

–Stat­en Is­land Bar­ber Shop

Over­heard by: Snews­boy

Dude on cell: Bitch, I don’t care how much you give me, your ass just ain’t worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sis­ter.

–Cof­fee Shop, Hel­l’s Kitchen

Over­heard by: re­al­ly hope he did­n’t mean what i thought…

Girl to moth­er, af­ter game: I’d rather go down on my sis­ter than take the d train to Times Square right now.

–Old Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: datura0001

Ha­ha! You Said “Wednes­day One-Lin­ers”!

Pro­fes­sor: So, the prob­a­bil­i­ty you’re deal­ing with a straight is de­ter­mined by what comes out the back end here.

–Sta­tis­tics lec­ture, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Chuck­les

Blonde hair­styl­ist to male cus­tomer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day.

–Up­scale hair sa­lon

NYU pro­fes­sor about ex­per­tise in­volved in de­ter­min­ing chick­en gen­der: When was the last time you turned over a chick?

–NYU

Bi­ol­o­gy pro­fes­sor: Ho­mo erec­tus? Ho­mosapi­ens? I don’t know… So many ho­mos.

–Wag­n­er Col­lege

Over­heard by: Cather­ine

Prim old­er la­dy: You guys could eat out. Al­so, you could go out for din­ner… Yes, I’m twelve.

–Rel­ish, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la and Winifred

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Thought Fe­lic­i­ty Huff­man De­served that Os­car

Skater kid: What’s the point of be­ing gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, be­tween 7th & 8th Ave

La­dy on phone: Yeah, she was work­ing at a fac­to­ry, but she was pass­ing as a man… Well, she did­n’t last a week at the fac­to­ry.

–Bus in Lin­coln Tun­nel

TA: We live in a two-gen­der sys­tem of so­ci­ety. There’s no green ‘It’s a her­maph­ro­dite!’ bal­loon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For re­al. I’m sick of be­ing like, ‘That guy is skin­nier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has bet­ter make­up.’

–26th St

Over­heard by: agrees with that girl

Col­lege stu­dent on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broad­way

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were lit­tle, but now it’s time to dif­fer­en­ti­ate.

–Tar­get, At­lantic Ave, Brook­lyn