Archive for the ‘Baristas’ Category

They’ve Got Their ‘Good Barista / Bad Barista’ Act Down to a Sci­ence

For­eign­er: Ex­cusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 hold­ing steamed milk: No. You or­dered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
For­eign­er, hold­ing drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Or­der a fuckin’ lat­te, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour your­self some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!

Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the cus­tomer some milk.

Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valen­tine’s Day — don’t you get emo­tion­al. It’s some oth­er hol­i­day. Hell, it’s Christ­mas. [To cus­tomer] Here you go, sir! Mer­ry Christ­mas!

–Star­bucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave

She’s Used to All That Pseu­do-Ital­ian Crap

Woman #1, point­ing to small­est cup: So, what size is this?
Barista: That’s a small.
Woman #1: And what size is this?
Barista: That’s a medi­um.
Woman #1: And so what size is this?
Barista: That’s a large.
Woman #2: Wow, this has been the most fas­ci­nat­ing ex­change I’ve heard in quite some time.

–9th St Espres­so, East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Shanka­li­cious

Paris Hilton: “That’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er.”

Hip­ster wait­ress to an­oth­er: Camel toe is like, re­al­ly hot, but al­so re­al­ly un­com­fort­able.

–Williams­burg

Col­lege guy to friend: Dude, I’d def­i­nite­ly date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It’s not gay.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Stephen

Pro­fes­sor: Wel­come to CUNY, it’s like menopause. It’s ei­ther too hot or too cold.

–City Uni­ver­si­ty of New York

Lati­no girl on cell: Bitch, please. I’m gonna look mad hot tonight. I’­ma comb my hair!

–Amer­i­can Ap­par­el

Male pro­fes­sor: I don’t care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, noth­ing’s go­ing to hap­pen!

–New York In­sti­tute of Tech­nol­o­gy

Over­heard by: Not Brad Pitt

Got any Dori­tos?

Barista girl: Here’s your cap­puc­ci­no.
Cus­tomer girl: I asked for a cafe au lait.
Barista girl: No, you said ‘cap­puc­ci­no.‘
Cos­tumer girl: No, I said ‘cafe au lait’
Barista girl: Oh, You’re right. I’m prob­a­bly just out of it.
Barista girl to cowork­er: I’m sor­ry, I’m high.

–Stan­ton & Lud­low

Over­heard by: Aryn

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Ad­mit Their Lives Have Be­come Un­man­age­able

Suit on cell: Nev­er make any de­ci­sions af­ter drink­ing two pitch­ers of beer. Af­ter the first one, I was like “okay, this is what I’m do­ing.” But af­ter the sec­ond one, I end­ed up as di­rec­tor of the D.C. Unit­ed Way. At first, I was­n’t too wor­ried, be­cause I fig­ured they’d give me a drug test, and I knew I would­n’t pass.

–6 Train

Hope­ful-look­ing guy to con­cerned-look­ing guy: Ba­si­cal­ly, you’re not ready to be an al­co­holic, so you should stay away from al­co­hol.

–Polk St

Girl to guy friend: She’s a great drunk. She’s prob­a­bly one of the best peo­ple to hang out with when she’s drunk.

–Pratt In­sti­tute

Over­heard by: T

Hawk­er: It’s hap­py hour! Come on up, and I’ll watch your kids while you get drunk.

–Plan­et Hol­ly­wood

Girl, dur­ing lunch: I’m not drunk any­more!

–W 4th & Uni­ver­si­ty Place