Archive for the ‘Baristas’ Category

When Are You Not?

Barista #1: Dude, that would be awe­some.
Barista #2: That’s crap. That would look stu­pid, and I will give you 50 bucks if you find me one!
Barista #1: Deal.
Cus­tomer: What are you guys talk­ing about?
Barista #2: Hu­man chee­tah man.

–Tea Lounge, Union St

On­ly If They’re En­vy­ing the Yel­low­er Ba­nanas

Star­bucks barista: Sor­ry, we’re all out of ba­nanas. Would you like to try some­thing else?
Beach bum tan­ning girl: But I nev­er drink any­thing from here that does­n’t have ba­nanas.
Star­bucks barista: Well, we have some ba­nanas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tan­ning girl, clear­ly con­fused: If they’re green on the out­side, does that mean they’re green on the in­side too?

–Star­bucks, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Jacque­line Battaglia

Just Slow­ly Back Away from the Ter­ri­fy­ing For­eign Per­son

Barista: Sir, you can pay for the juice over there.
Mid­dle-aged Brit: But I bought it.
Barista: No you did­n’t.
Mid­dle-aged Brit: Yes, I did — at an­oth­er place.
Barista: Yeah, oookay [rolls eyes].
Mid­dle-aged Brit: I re­al­ly did.
Barista: Yeah, oookay.
Mid­dle-aged Brit: What the fuck is your prob­lem?
Barista: Well, you just stole juice, and you’re be­ing an ass, so you can leave now.
Mid­dle-aged Brit: Ex­cuse–
Old la­dy Brit: –Alexan­der, just stop talk­ing! He could shoot you!

–Star­bucks, Fash­ion Dis­trict

Over­heard by: on­ly in new york

Ten, if It’s a Grande

Barista #1: Guess what I just did — drank a whole pack­age of frap­pu­ci­no mix.
Barista #2: Ew.
Barista #1: She said she’d pay me five dol­lars.
Barista #2: What if you get, like, di­ar­rhea or some­thing?
Barista #3: I’ll give you sev­en if you get di­ar­rhea.

–Star­bucks, 111th St

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Some Pussy

Knit­ting girl: Don’t let your drunk girl­friend name your cat, be­cause even­tu­al­ly you will break up with her and then you’ll have a cat with a stu­pid name.

–The Point Knit­ting Cafe

Over­heard by: Heather

Woman com­ing out of re­stroom, hold­ing a bot­tle of liq­uid soap: You got­ta keep the cat clean!

–NYU Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: A nurse who wish she was­n’t some­times!!

Fe­male tourist, to her­self: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.

–23rd & 8th

Man to woman, ar­gu­ing: Fuck you, Ni­na, that’s the point. You’re not tak­ing my cat!

–Cen­tral Park

Old man to friend, dur­ing lunch: I don’t like cats’ at­ti­tudes. Un­like dogs, they can be so aloof. Es­pe­cial­ly to Jews…

–Deli, 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Al­li­son