Young boyfriend, as Madonna’s “holiday” comes on: You know, I have always hated Pat Benatar.
Older girlfriend, spitting out beer: Well, that’s good honey, because this is Madonna.
Tattooed bartender chick: Pathetic.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: Cougar Hunter
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: I’ll have a cosmopolitan.
Bartender: We don’t serve cosmos here.
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: Fine, I’ll have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: We’ve got two types of beer. Light and dark.
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: Here, honey. Try the light. It’s kind of like a cosmo.
–McSorley’s, Bowery & 7th
Queer: We want girly drinks. Something fruity.
Bartwink: Okay? Did you have anything in mind?
Queer: Can you talk in a higher pitch when we’re talking about girly drinks?
–Barracuda, W. 22nd Street
Bartender: Both of the bars have indoor Bocce courts.
Texan: That is bad ass!
–Stand, 12th b/w 5th & University
Bartender: Are you getting her anything for Valentine’s Day?
20-something guy: Probably not.
Bartender: Nothing? Flowers? Anything?
20-something guy: What am I supposed to do? Send a note that says “thanks for fucking me”?
–57th St
Very drunk suit: Hey, bartender! Do you know what a car bomb is?
Irish bartender: Yes, it’s Spanish for, ‘you’re an asshole.’
–3rd Ave
Female bartender: I’m double-jointed. Isn’t that weird?
Sketchy barfly: You wanna see something weird? I can suck my own dick!
–Mars Bar
Overheard by: Pete
Australian guy: Hey there, mate! I was just wondering if you were hiring staff.
Irish bar man: Yeah, we are, but you will have to speak with the boss. He is gonna be back in about 10 minutes. Do you have any experience?
Australian guy: Well, yeah, I’ve been doin’ this for about three years back home in Sydney.
Irish bar man: That’s great… Sure, I’ll put in a good word for you. I’m getting sick of all the foreigners that they keep hiring.
Headline by: Barry Negrin
Runners-Up:
· “52-Across: “Foreigners” Ans: N‑O-N-W-H-I-T‑E” — Eddie
· “Between the Long Islanders and the Brooklynites, this place is going to hell” — M.dubz
· “I only hear in black and white” — h
· “I’ll have a shot of contradiction with an irony backer” — LN
· “It’s getting so hard to find people who speak American.” — Noh
· “See? Even THEY Can’t Tell Their Accents Apart!” — Jatmos
· “Will the last American to leave NYC please remember to bring the flag?” — Beth
· “You should have seen this Injun that came in yesterday” — trainedmonkey
Female bartender: And so, now that she is pregnant she is going to get married.
Male bartender: That’s horrible. Is the dad the father?
–45th St & Broadway
Southern tourist woman to waitress: You don’t take credit cards? Where are we?
Drunk New Yorker at other table: You’re at JG Melon!
(table cheers)
–74th & 3rd
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
