Archive for the ‘Bartenders’ Category

That Dead Fly on the Rim Is Almost Like a Little Umbrella

Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: I’ll have a cosmopolitan.
Bartender: We don’t serve cosmos here.
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: Fine, I’ll have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: We’ve got two types of beer. Light and dark.
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: Here, honey. Try the light. It’s kind of like a cosmo.

–McSorley’s, Bowery & 7th

One Nation, Under the Crown

Australian guy: Hey there, mate! I was just wondering if you were hiring staff.
Irish bar man: Yeah, we are, but you will have to speak with the boss. He is gonna be back in about 10 minutes. Do you have any experience?
Australian guy: Well, yeah, I’ve been doin’ this for about three years back home in Sydney.
Irish bar man: That’s great… Sure, I’ll put in a good word for you. I’m getting sick of all the foreigners that they keep hiring.

Headline by: Barry Negrin

Runners-Up:

· “52-Across: “Foreigners” Ans: N‑O-N-W-H-I-T‑E” — Eddie

· “Between the Long Islanders and the Brooklynites, this place is going to hell” — M.dubz

· “I only hear in black and white” — h

· “I’ll have a shot of contradiction with an irony backer” — LN

· “It’s getting so hard to find people who speak American.” — Noh

· “See? Even THEY Can’t Tell Their Accents Apart!” — Jatmos

· “Will the last American to leave NYC please remember to bring the flag?” — Beth

· “You should have seen this Injun that came in yesterday” — trainedmonkey


Click here to see the new Headline Contest