Archive for the ‘Battery Park’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pow­der Their Noses

Fe­male suit in bath­room stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (paus­es, makes bath­room nois­es) Okay, well, I need it to­day. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bath­room nois­es) Great! (paus­es, toi­let flush­es) No, it’s okay, go ahead. (paus­es) Okay, no, I’m re­al­ly sorry–I’m just en­ter­ing the sub­way, that’s what all that noise was. (storms out of the bath­room, does­n’t wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flus­tered 50-some­thing suit: It’s burn­ing! It’s burn­ing!

–Penn Sta­tion Bath­room

Man in stall: There should be a law against what’s com­ing out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: I agree

Suit in bath­room on cell: Hon­ey, I can’t talk to you right now. (pause) I’m in the bath­room! (pause) I’ve got a fuck­ing dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Re­stroom, Grand Cen­tral

Six-year-old kid, fin­ish­ing at uri­nal: Shake the weasel!

–Men’s Room, Re­gal Bat­tery Park City Cin­e­mas

Over­heard by: Russ Wall

Wednes­day Puts on Its One-Lin­ers One Leg at a Time

Ghet­to dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that mon­ey? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.

–Broad­way & 86th St

Girl to an­oth­er: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tight­est pants. Camel toe all the time.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Gi­an­car­lo

An­noy­ing sober 20-some­thing, re­turn­ing from bath­room: God! I’m so sweaty, it made it re­al­ly hard to pull my pants down.

–Din­er, 3rd Ave

Teenage girl to an­oth­er: He came here to do a con­cert. He prob­a­bly does­n’t want to hear you scream, “Take your pants off!”

–Bat­tery Park

Does It Come in Fla­vors?

Teen guy #1: Yo, I was Christ­mas shop­ping with Ju­lia and her oth­er friend at Sepho­ra, and they got the weird­est fuckin’ gift for Anne.
Teen girl: What was it?
Teen guy #1: Well, we walked in­to the store, and Ju­lia asked if they sold this cream that you put on your ass that takes away, like, stretch marks and pim­ples on your ass and shit. It was fuckin’ nasty. They got her ass cream.
Teen guy #2: That’s fuckin’ weird, yo. It’s like, ‘Oh, Anne, I was think­ing of get­ting you this re­al­ly nice sweater for Christ­mas–’ ‘–For­get the sweater! All I want is some Grade A ass cream!’

–Movie the­ater, Bat­tery Park

“I’m Hav­ing a Wednes­day One-Lin­er– And It’s Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passers­by: How do you know if you’re hav­ing a ba­by? It’s by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girl­friend: Just make sure you tell me if you’re on an­tibi­otics. I al­ready got like three ba­bies that way.

–Bat­tery Park

Over­heard by: It’s how I got mine

Large black man: She was pop­pin’ those ba­bies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Is­land Broad­walk

Hobo woman yelling at ran­dom preg­nant woman: I told you be care­ful with that bel­ly! That baby’s gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broad­way & Lib­er­ty

Over­heard by: CG

Man talk­ing an­i­mat­ed­ly on cell: Yeah! Don’t be sur­prised if the ba­by comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, So­Ho

Mid­dle aged woman: Your ba­by would­n’t stop cry­ing, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Over­heard by: michael di­a­mond