Archive for the ‘Beauty’ Category

Or If We Were an Alien Race That Mat­ed Through Our Hands

Short, fat, tooth­less-sound­ing woman: What we do is not dis­grace­ful. There’s noth­ing dis­grace­ful about you.
Tall thin man, with boom box in hand: No.
Short, fat, tooth­less-sound­ing woman: There’s noth­ing dis­grace­ful about me.
Tall thin man: No.
Short, fat, tooth­less-sound­ing woman: It’s the sin that’s dis­grace­ful. Us, hold­ing hands, how we show our love, that’s fine. It would be a whole dif­fer­ent sto­ry if I was­n’t mar­ried, but I am.

–Es­sex & De­lancey

Over­heard by: nb

No Van­i­ty-Based Busi­ness Plan Can Fail in New York

Ja­maican guy hold­ing full length mir­ror: One dol­lar to look at your­self in the mir­ror! One dol­lar! I am the first to come up with this idea! Don’t steal it, or I’ll sue you… [He’s ig­nored.] Okay, first time is free! C’­mon, first time free! Or gimme a quar­ter!
Laugh­ing kid: Yo, what are you smok­ing, man?
Ja­maican guy: I smoke blood! I don’t drink blood, I smoke blood!
Un­re­lat­ed Ja­maican girl: Why you so loud? Shut up al­ready.
Ja­maican guy: I’m sor­ry, ma. You’re so beau­ti­ful. I look at you, I just can’t be­lieve how beau­ti­ful you are. How ’bout you gimme one dol­lar, look in the mir­ror?

–6 train

Over­heard by: Sam Mc­Der­mott

Then It Changed to Crocs, and We All Cried.

Girl #1: When An­nie is in a re­la­tion­ship, she’s re­al­ly se­ri­ous. But when she was sin­gle she went through what we like to call the “sit on your face” phase.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: She’d go up to a guy in the bar we were in and say, “man, you look so good tonight. I might just sit on your face lat­er.”
(girl #2 laughs)
Girl #1: Yeah… “sit on your face” was the new black for a while.

–Pig ‘n’ Whis­tle Bar

Over­heard by: Ellen

Lois Com­mutes be­tween Ado­ra­tion and Homi­ci­dal Rage

Black woman, to eight-year-old white girl: I love the white peo­ple. You are so cute. I would babysit you. Come here.
White woman: Yes, give the lit­tle white girl a hug.
Black woman, to girl: If any­one fucks with you, I’m gonna be fuck­ing with them.

–47th & 8th

Over­heard by: alx­ie

Ever Since I Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Tripped Over Them

Tall girl: I think I saw his broth­er in the cho­rus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There’s four of them. And they’re all beau­ti­ful. It’s so not fair. I’m weird-look­ing and, ac­cord­ing to my grand­ma, my broth­er looks like the love child of Jake Gyl­len­haal and San­jay Gup­ta.
Tall girl: And your par­ents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can’t be­lieve you re­mem­ber that.

–Down­town 1 Train