Archive for the ‘Beauty’ Category

Who Let the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Out?

Queer, to his Ger­man Shep­herd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23rd & 8th

Man, re­strain­ing his dog from fol­low­ing an­oth­er dog across the street: C’­mon, bud­dy. It was­n’t meant to be.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Woman drag­ging her dog away from an­oth­er dog who is bark­ing fran­ti­cal­ly: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so up­set.

–Dit­mars Blvd, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: sara n.

Cop to his whin­ing Ger­man Shep­herd: Awww, what’s wrong ba­by? Did you see an ass­hole?

–West 4th Sta­tion

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers with Two Per­cent Body Fat

Hip­ster girl to an­oth­er: Yeah, every­one has a crush on him, but he’s got hal­i­to­sis. And a con­cave chest!

–Mo­MA

Hip­ster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt to­tal­ly suf­fo­cat­ed by cap­i­tal­ist so­ci­ety.

–NYU

Hip­ster in rain­bow moon­boots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: eliza

Hip­ster chick on cell: Hel­lo? Hey! Guess what? I found my un­der­wear!

–1st Ave

Over­heard by: Aria Gril­lo

Hip­ster: I mean, you can’t just rock a som­brero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Over­heard by: El

Hip­ster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Al­bert Green­berg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Gins­berg’s for­mer walkup

Over­heard by: midtown_strangler

Hip­ster chick: I wan­na cre­ate a web­site: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Over­heard by: Hurtz donit

Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Is­land?

French tourist, af­ter dis­cussing Amer­i­ca’s faults in the world, to Amer­i­can man: Can you take a pic­ture of us with the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty in the back­ground?
Amer­i­can man: Ain’t she a beau­ti­ful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
Amer­i­can man: Well, she’s French. Wel­come to Amer­i­ca.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, the Peo­ple’s Char­i­ot

Ghet­to fab bus dri­ver : Hel­lo and good morn­ing. Wel­come to the Bolt Bus, my name is Jacques and I’m go­ing to be your op­er­a­tor to­day. We do ap­pre­ci­ate your busi­ness. Well, I ap­pre­ci­ate your busi­ness. For my nails. Get­ting my hair done. Yeah.

–Bolt­Bus

Over­heard by: Julie and Mark The Snob

Bus dri­ver (as bus leaves Lex­ing­ton stop): The stop af­ter this stop will be the next stop.
(as bus turns in­to Cen­tral Park) Ladies and gen­tle­men, the next stop will be Cen­tral Park West. Please have your pass­ports ready.

–Crosstown Bus

Bus dri­ver over in­ter­com (as bus pass­es Uni­sphere): Oh, every­one’s from New York? Then y’all al­ready know this spot! I can’t tell you noth­ing! Bye.

–Shut­tle Bus, Flush­ing Mead­ows Park

Con­duc­tor: Good morn­ing! This is the bus dis­patch­er. It’s a sun­ny 78 de­grees on a beau­ti­ful Wednes­day! I’m hap­py to re­port the bus lanes in­bound to New York are slic­ing through traf­fic like a hot knife through but­ter! En­joy your day, con­trol cen­ter, out.

–NJ Tran­sit Bus

Over­heard by: Jerzey…CloseEnough

Con­duc­tor: Al­right folks, re­mem­ber to keep cool to­day and drink plen­ty of wa­ter. I rec­om­mend ya’ll eat some Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios. Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios will make ya’ll nicer to each oth­er. Stay away from that ba­con and eggs. Too hot. Yes, Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios. Have a nice day.

–B61 Bus

Over­heard by: should have eat­en break­fast