Chick #1: Dude, everyone’s popping out babies these days. JLo, TomKat, Britney. It’s like they’re the new fucking accessory.
Chick #2: Yeah, who wants a fucking baby anyway? You just turn into a fatass with stretch marks and saggy tits with a screaming infant who no one wants to be around.
Very pregnant passenger: I’m due in two weeks.
Chick #1: Aww! Is it a boy or a girl?
–F train
Bitch: Oh hi! We were just speaking very poorly about you!
–Art Gallery, SoHo
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Girl #1: So have you heard about all these alligators in Florida that have been eating women?
Girl #2: No
Girl #1: Yeah, like three women got eaten last week
Girl #2: That’s hilarious.
Girl #1: I know.
–F train between Jay & Bergen
Girl: Oh my gosh! You know what would be awesome? If lightning struck you, and you like got a permanent tan.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Glynnis
Woman: These invitations are really important! I mean, not only am I turning 40, but it’s a year to the day that I almost died!
–Staples, Union Square
Little girl: Hey Mom, there are dead people here too!
–X1 bus
Irish guy: Oh, what people don’t realize is that the Indians are
everywhere. They’re sprinkled around everywhere.
–First Prince Copy Center, Prince Street
Biotech #1: He hired this blonde girl from Chicago… with pageant hair!
Biotech #2: Ew. Pageant hair? Hello, this is New York City. We aren’t blonde, and we aren’t perky!
–6 train
Dude: Hey, watch it! Hey!
Old guy: What?
Dude: That’s very rude.
Old guy: I said “excuse me”.
Dude: Well I didn’t hear it.
Old guy: Well maybe you should listen next time.
Dude: Well maybe you should kiss my ass, fag.
Old guy: Fuck off and die.
–Borders men’s room, 32nd & 2nd
Girl #1: He was just the most amazing guy — he said the most amazing things to me. I just wanted to run away with him.
Girl #2: That’s gay.
–Barnard College
Biotech #1: Jersey girls ain’t trash — trash gets picked up!
Biotech #2: Hahaha!
NJ girl passerby, defensively: I get picked up!
–Penn Station
Girl #1: Is your sweater cashmere?
Girl #2: Yeah. Well, cashmere blend.
Girl #1: Blend? That doesn’t count. God, you’re such a bitch.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram
Two tween girls push into a very crowded train, causing a woman to almost lose her footing.
Woman: You can’t just push if there’s nowhere to go!
The doors start to close.
Tween girl: Obviously I could.
–6 train
Overheard by: Francesca
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist