Archive for the ‘Biotechs’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go for the Jugu­lar

Slut­ty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shit­ting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Sta­di­um

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: jax

Chick laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleed­ing from his eye sock­ets and shit. (pause) So you wan­na meet up lat­er?

–Willough­by & Van­der­bilt

Pop Quiz: How Many Faces Do the Girls Have? Show Your Work.

Skin­ny girl in dress: Okay, what do you guys think?
Friend #1: Oh my god, it looks so good on you.
Friend #2: I love it!
Skin­ny girl: Re­al­ly? I don’t know…
Friend #1: Se­ri­ous­ly — you should get it. It looks awe­some on you.
Friend #2: If I were you, I’d to­tal­ly get it.
Skin­ny girl: Okay… Thanks! I think I will. [Re­treats in­to fit­ting room.]Friend #1: God, she is so dis­gust­ing­ly skin­ny, it sick­ens me.
Friend #2: I could throw up right now.

–H&M fit­ting room, Broad­way & Spring

Over­heard by: lc

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Clean Every­thing Up Be­fore Their Par­ents Get Back

Black woman in trashy out­fit: And he said “But the par­ty just start­ed, bitch, I’ll take you in a few hours!” and I was like, “Nig­ga please! My wa­ter just broke!”

–Low­er East Side

Asian bim­bo on cell: I just spoke to Per­cy and al­leged­ly they threw a par­ty af­ter we were fired, to cel­e­brate us get­ting fired…but we’re peo­ple too.

–181 & St Nicholas

Over­heard by: must not have liked you

Hip­ster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the co­bra snake at a par­ty, with a cig in my hand and Paul* be­tween my thighs.

–NYU Dorm

Over­heard by: Dayn

Tat­tooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I’m bring­ing a 250-foot Slip ‘N Slide!

–7th & 13th St

Over­heard by: can I come to that par­ty?

Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why did­n’t you in­vite to your par­ty? Damn…c’mon! Re­mem­ber that time the chick in a wheel­chair was work­ing us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheel­chair! Re­mem­ber we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That’s right–that was me! She was giv­ing us both head.

–BBQ Re­stroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea

20-some­thing woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a hand­job?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Jazz