Archive for the ‘Biotechs’ Category

Un­for­tu­nate­ly, I Said It in­to the In­ter­com

20-some­thing chick: So yeah, I did­n’t even care when this girl at my school died.
Friend: Whoa…
20-some­thing chick: Well, she broke my friend’s leg!
Friend: Oh…
20-some­thing chick: When the prin­ci­pal was hav­ing the mo­ment of si­lence, I was like, ‘Geez, she did­n’t take this long to die!‘
Friend: Dude…

–Web­ster Hall

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

Dude, Would You Please Cow­boy Up?

Des­per­ate law stu­dent: But I love you!
Heart­less biotech: That’s your prob­lem, not mine.
Des­per­ate law stu­dent: I can’t live with­out you.
Heart­less biotech: So don’t.
Des­per­ate law stu­dent: You would­n’t even care if I killed my­self, would you?
Heart­less biotech: Not un­less you de­cid­ed to do it in front of my house and I had to have po­lice and the me­dia there. Then I’d be pissed.
Des­per­ate law stu­dent: How can you be so cru­el to some­one who loves you so much?
Heart­less biotech: Oh, just one thing — if you do de­cide to kill your­self try to do it the week of Au­gust sixth, ’cause I’ll be in Martha’s Vine­yard with Ja­son then.

–Brook­lyn Law School li­brary

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry — cring­ing with em­pa­thy

Prob­a­bly Best to Have Your Cof­fee at Work

Chick #1: What were you do­ing and why were you walk­ing so hard?
Chick #2: The el­e­va­tor man kept go­ing up and down and missed my stop, and I re­al­ly had to pee, so I had to rush to this floor and use the bath­room. I’ve been hold­ing it since Brook­lyn, and I peed on my­self a lit­tle. My pants are wet.
Chick #3: What?!

Chick #1 starts laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly.

Chick #2 stomps away, scream­ing: I hate you!
Chick #1: I’m not laugh­ing at you! I’m not laugh­ing at you!

–57th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bdiz­zle

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go for the Jugu­lar

Slut­ty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shit­ting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Sta­di­um

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: jax

Chick laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleed­ing from his eye sock­ets and shit. (pause) So you wan­na meet up lat­er?

–Willough­by & Van­der­bilt

Pop Quiz: How Many Faces Do the Girls Have? Show Your Work.

Skin­ny girl in dress: Okay, what do you guys think?
Friend #1: Oh my god, it looks so good on you.
Friend #2: I love it!
Skin­ny girl: Re­al­ly? I don’t know…
Friend #1: Se­ri­ous­ly — you should get it. It looks awe­some on you.
Friend #2: If I were you, I’d to­tal­ly get it.
Skin­ny girl: Okay… Thanks! I think I will. [Re­treats in­to fit­ting room.]Friend #1: God, she is so dis­gust­ing­ly skin­ny, it sick­ens me.
Friend #2: I could throw up right now.

–H&M fit­ting room, Broad­way & Spring

Over­heard by: lc