Archive for the ‘Biotechs’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Clean Every­thing Up Be­fore Their Par­ents Get Back

Black woman in trashy out­fit: And he said “But the par­ty just start­ed, bitch, I’ll take you in a few hours!” and I was like, “Nig­ga please! My wa­ter just broke!”

–Low­er East Side

Asian bim­bo on cell: I just spoke to Per­cy and al­leged­ly they threw a par­ty af­ter we were fired, to cel­e­brate us get­ting fired…but we’re peo­ple too.

–181 & St Nicholas

Over­heard by: must not have liked you

Hip­ster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the co­bra snake at a par­ty, with a cig in my hand and Paul* be­tween my thighs.

–NYU Dorm

Over­heard by: Dayn

Tat­tooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I’m bring­ing a 250-foot Slip ‘N Slide!

–7th & 13th St

Over­heard by: can I come to that par­ty?

Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why did­n’t you in­vite to your par­ty? Damn…c’mon! Re­mem­ber that time the chick in a wheel­chair was work­ing us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheel­chair! Re­mem­ber we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That’s right–that was me! She was giv­ing us both head.

–BBQ Re­stroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea

20-some­thing woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a hand­job?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Jazz

Dirty, Sexy Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Young gay guy in Daisy Dukes, shades and tank top, yam­mer­ing away on cell: Is it to­tal­ly ac­cept­able to have sex on the beach there?

–43rd St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: An­na Rose

Teen boy to friend: If I were a gi­ant I’d fuck the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty!

–Hous­ton & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Hen­ry

Chick to friend: As soon as I get over this yeast in­fec­tion, I’m gonna bang the shit out of him.

–Mc­Don­ald’s, Times Square

Over­heard by: Keep It Movin’

Black guy on cell: Pen­e­tra­tion?! Pen­e­tra­tion?! It ain’t about pen­e­tra­tion, it’s all about sen­sa­tion.

–E 4th St

Over­heard by: girl named sug­ar

Drunk man to drunk woman, while mak­ing out against a car: Let’s just go with it…let’s just fuck on top of the car.

–Bleeck­er & Mac­dou­gal

Girl to the guy at the next ta­ble: Haven’t I slept with you be­fore?

–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Ash­lee

Wednes­day Undie-Lin­ers

Col­lege girl on cell: So as of last week­end I’ve pledged to be celi­bate for a year…although on sec­ond thought, it should re­al­ly start to­day. I got pret­ty trashed last night and this morn­ing I could­n’t find the un­der­wear I was wear­ing yes­ter­day.

–Church St

Over­heard by: Em­ma

20-some­thing woman: Did you en­joy the bra fit­ting? Old la­dy grab your bits?

–Out­side Town Shop

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

El­der­ly woman ex­am­in­ing bras: What’s with all this padding? I got my own damn tit­ties!

–H&M, 5th Ave

Over­heard by: tit­ti-less

Eight-year-old in a suit jack­et on cell, strut­ting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the un­der­wear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (loud­er) The panties!

–Barnes & No­ble, Tribeca

Over­heard by: emdee­bee

Trashy girl walk­ing fun­ny: Well, I guess I should have worn un­der­wear.

–Arthur Ave