Archive for the ‘Bitch-slap’ Category

Fras­es De Mier­coles

Young guy on cell: You’re lucky I’m Colom­bian. If I was Ecuado­ri­an, I’d be slap­ping you!

–Jack­son Heights

Over­heard by: Jobee

An­gry man walk­ing alone, to him­self: I could have mar­ried a Do­mini­can, but no, I de­cid­ed not to!

–Mer­cer & Broome

Teen girl to friend: Your new Mex­i­can is su­per creepy.

–On Line for the Col­bert Re­port, Hel­l’s Kitchen

Guy on cell: No, no, man, she’s Puer­to Ri­can. I’m just sayin’ she’s Do­mini­can ’cause it sounds hot­ter.

–105 St & Lex­ing­ton

Thug hold­ing box of maxi pads: Yo, that moth­er­fuck­er is like the gay Mex­i­can Mar­lon Bran­do. Clas­sic…

–CVS

Over­heard by: Karen

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Ru­mored to Be In­volved with Jen­nifer Anis­ton

Woman: I’m a re­al Star Trek fan. I par­tic­u­lar­ly like this one guy, a Shake­speare­an ac­tor — Patrick, uh, Patrick Swayze?

–B train

Loud guy on bike: Will gone up and left! Will Smith! Where’d you go, Will?!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Abram

Suit on cell: I mean, it was maybe the on­ly time I ever want­ed to give Mark Wahlberg a blowjob.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Rainey

Blonde on cell, walk­ing dog, and wear­ing faux fur sweater: Yeah, An­i­mal Fair… Like Van­i­ty Fair, but with an­i­mals… It’s com­ing out soon… It’s go­ing to be in­ti­mate — Sharon Stone and Eme­lio Es­tevez are go­ing to be there!

–55th St & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: francesca

Passer­by: Mar­tin Short? Is he still in that?

–Across street from Mar­tin Short&: Fame Be­comes Me

Over­heard by: Jeff of [tos]

Chick drops cock­tail glass, break­ing it.

Queer: If you did­n’t look like Winona Ry­der, I’d smack you.

–Cei­lo night­club

Wednes­d­say Ca­nin­ers

Mid­dle-aged suit to an­oth­er: You def­i­nite­ly don’t want to be on the streets with three minia­ture Dachs­hunds on the loose.

–46th & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: alexan­der

Guy at din­ner with friends: No, slap­ping her ass is­n’t per­vert­ed, it’s just in­ap­pro­pri­ate. Per­vert­ed would be jerk­ing off on­to my dog’s face or some shit.

–23rd & 10th

Over­heard by: Matt

White gay man to an­oth­er: Every time I see a dog chained to a park­ing me­ter and the own­er is like in the store, it makes me want to call the NAACP.

–M7 Bus

Over­heard by: HarlemAll­Day

Ghet­to woman on cell: A Mal­tese dog. A Mal­tese! (pause) One of them lit­tle dogs that don’t nev­er grow.

–27th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kather­ine

Flam­boy­ant gay man to cou­ple push­ing bull­dog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your ba­by!

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Sarah

I’m Thank­ful for My Fam­i­ly

Lit­tle boy: Twain!
Mom: Yeah, yeah, train, Darniel, train. No­body cares!

–Prospect Heights

Over­heard by: Michael Barthel

Moth­er: Did you do these ques­tions or was this the part you copied from the board in class?…What the fuck was that? Speak in ac­tu­al words!
Lit­tle boy: This part was from the board and this part I did.
Moth­er: Don’t fuck­ing lie to me. I’m gonna bust you in the mouth. Why did­n’t you do your home­work?…Did you look at your­self be­fore we left the house? You look like fuck­ing shit!
Lit­tle boy: I’m sor­ry.
Moth­er: Sor­ry look­ing.

–F train

Man on cell: You stu­pid lit­tle bitch!…That’s right I want a bet­ter re­port card next year.

–West 4th Street & 6th Av­enue

Over­heard by: Scott Hoff­man

Teen girl: I’m not al­lowed to go home this week­end ’cause my fa­ther’s hav­ing one of his girl­friends over. He told me, “you’re gonna have to sleep some­where else, be­cause, uh, you know…”

–A train

Lit­tle girl: Mom­my, what’re we get­ting?
Mom­my: Pshh, I don’t know. You bet­ter fig­ure out quick, you’re the one’s got­ta eat.

–Fine Fair, Av­enue C

Over­heard by: Cat­e­chist

Boy: Did you get my Christ­mas list?
Dad: I don’t need your Christ­mas list.
Boy: I want a PSP. A portable Playsta­tion.
Dad: I’m not get­tin’ you video games.
Boy: Then I just want mon­ey.
Dad: You want my mon­ey, I want you to get good grades. Nei­ther of us get what we want, do we?

–6 train

Over­heard by: Chris Mohney

She’s Work­ing Her Way through My Ad­dress Book. To­day She’s on the Ds.

Girl #1: Hey, how’re you do­ing?
Girl #2: Hey! Aren’t you–?
Girl #1 slaps girl #2, then runs away scream­ing: You’re a fuck­ing bitch!
Girl #2 on cell: Hel­lo, Alex*? This is Di­ane*. I haven’t seen you in, like, three years, so could you please ex­plain to me why your ex-girl­friend, whom I’ve nev­er met, just slapped me and called me a bitch? Call me back, thanks, bye.

–Star­bucks, 4th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Chitin

Head­line by: David Ter­renoire

Run­ners-Up:
· “Girl, In­ter­rupt­ed” — Coop­er Cheatham
· “I think it had to do with that one time my pe­nis was in your vagi­na.…” — ryan
· “Lucky to on­ly get half the clap in re­turn” — Bri­an A
· “Maybe Be­cause You Still Have Me on Speed Di­al Af­ter 3 years?” — Bo­bi­ta
· “When Al­i­bis At­tack” — Bar­ry Ne­grin
· “When you dump some­one, you’re dump­ing every­one they’ve ever dumped.” — Ed Maudlin
· “You al­so might want to check on the pet rab­bit” — will1966

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

If On­ly the Pro­duc­tion Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hy­per teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just re­al­ized?
20-some­thing blonde sis­ter: Okay, wait. In the in­ter­est of sav­ing time, I’m gonna pull my hand back like so be­fore you start talk­ing. Now you can go ahead and say what you want­ed to say, but just know that if it’s some­thing ig­no­rant or re­tard­ed, I’m gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the side­walk, and then keep slap­ping you un­til we get home. Is what­ev­er you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hy­per teenage blonde: No?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Re­al­ly want to know what she was gonna say

It’s Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Pale­face!

Guy to friend: When Oba­ma wins, I’m go­ing to slap a white per­son.

–Cen­tral Park Bench

Over­heard by: Lane

La­dy get­ting sprayed with per­fume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white peo­ple.

–East Dri­ve, Prospect Park

Over­heard by: White smelly jog­ger

Black gay man sans shirt, up­on see­ing group of white girls wan­der­ing: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I did­n’t mean it like that.

–Christo­pher St

Gen­tle­man walk­ing past Miss Mamie’s Spoon­bread Too restau­rant: Man, black peo­ple eat­ing to­fu, white peo­ple eat­ing spoon­bread…

–W 110th & Colum­bus

Gingy, re­fer­ring to ebony col­ored con­doms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he’ll still be black!

–E Broad­way 99 Cent Store

Black la­dy in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black pow­er! (the on­ly white girl around looks up con­fus­ed­ly, now black la­dy screams in her face) White flower!

–125th & Adam Clay­ton Pow­ell

Over­heard by: Ru­by

Where Is She Work­ing???

Hoochie: I’ve been work­ing for her for sev­en years. And I’ve been want­i­ng to smack her up for sev­en years. And tonight, she gave me the op­por­tu­ni­ty.
Cashier: What if she called the po­lice?
Hoochie: She could­n’t call no cops. It was self-de­fense. She’d go to jail.

–Bode­ga, Ben­son­hurst