Archive for the ‘BJs’ Category

Girl #1 for Sen­a­tor!

Girl #1: So he kept ask­ing me to have sex last night.
Girl #2: Did you?
Girl #1: No, I told him, “Look, I will not have sex with you. If you want a blowjob I will do that, but I will not have sex with you.”…I mean what is a blowjob? Noth­ing at all.

–Bleeck­er & Mac­dou­gal

…Hint, Hint.

His­pan­ic man #1, on bus: Yo, my hand smells like pussy.
His­pan­ic man #2: Yeah, now she gonna go home and kiss the oth­er guy, and then he gonna, and you were just there.
(hys­ter­i­cal drunk­en laugh­ter)
His­pan­ic man #3: I haven’t got­ten pussy in a while, though. Since last sum­mer.
His­pan­ic man #1: Yeah, you know I just love get­ting my dick sucked.

–Q58 Bus

A Few Sucky Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I’m 24 fuck­ing years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that’s my busi­ness!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, “ac­c­ck­kk… ac­c­ck­kkk” (makes chok­ing sounds) Then you have a mouth ful­la cum!

–Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: I.R.

50-some­thing woman, scream­ing in­to cell: Lis­ten, ass­hole, I’m not some cheap slut you can call when­ev­er you need some­one to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Sta­tion Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You bet­ter suck that juicy white cock, and get me that per­fume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland mid­dle-aged woman: It’s not like you’re giv­ing head in the Port Au­thor­i­ty bath­room!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: j

Eng­lish tourist: You’ll go home and peo­ple will ask: “So what did you do on hol­i­day?” You’ll re­ply: “Oh, I gave the Em­pire State Build­ing a blowjob!”

–34th St

Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don’t you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!

–34th Street

Dude on cell: It was like get­ting a blowjob from the in­side.

–8th Ave & 53rd St

Guy on cell: Is that the guy that’s been suck­ing your dick?

–81st & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Kel­ley

Young guy on cell: And then I said: “I could re­al­ly use a blowjob right now.” She was of­fend­ed!

–48th & Park

Young black man to friend: Just be­cause she sucks my dick does­n’t make her Oprah Win­frey.

–B48 Bus

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call Them­selves “Pub­li­cists”

An­nounc­er dude: Peo­ple, get the Au­dio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there think­ing, ‘I should have lis­tened to that hand­some, well-spo­ken man down­stairs.’ You’ll be beat­ing your­self for not buy­ing the Au­dio Guide. And I don’t need that on my con­science.

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: George Carsto­cea

Dai­ly News hawk­er: Sign up here for your free sub­scrip­tion to the Dai­ly News! [Mut­ter­ing] We’ll screw you lat­er.

–Out­side Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Mrs. Met

Guy sell­ing com­e­dy show tick­ets: Come on, have a tick­et. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your My­Space page!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Punkgr­rl

Top of the Rock pro­mot­er guy: Yeah, it’s sup­posed to be, like, the best view or what­ev­er of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fel­low pro­mot­er] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Fly­er dude: See the naked cow­boy on stage! Suck­ing cock!

–46th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

Guy sell­ing news­pa­pers: New York Post here! Dai­ly News here! [He’s ig­nored.] New York Post here! Dai­ly News! [Still ig­nored.] George Bush wins the lot­tery! [Still ig­nored.]

–33rd & 7th

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Peo­ple, you got­ta come tonight, be­cause if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square