Archive for the ‘Black People’ Category

‘Knife’?

Black teen to drag queen: Yo, I can see your Adam’s ap­ple, nig­ga!
Friend: Shhh, don’t say the N‑word, we’re sur­round­ed by white peo­ple!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: jesse michael klein

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Breathe through Their Noses

Black girl on blue­tooth head­set: You want every­one to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want every­one to suck yo dick!

–W. 59th & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: Alexan­dra

Twelve-year-old gui­do, near tears, dou­bled over in the street scream­ing on his cell phone: You sucked Char­lie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Char­lie’s dick last night, you blow job!

–Brook­lyn

20 some­thing blonde on cell: … Is that nor­mal? [Pause.] No, it’s dif­fer­ent every time, like it al­most dis­ap­pears… Then an­oth­er time its all swing­ing and shit… Is that nor­mal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mum­bles.]

–LIRR

Man­ag­er to em­ploy­ee: You are a cock guz­zling thun­der­cunt!

–Chelsea

Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.

–16th & 9th

Woman: Short of blow­ing him in Mo­Ma, I re­al­ly don’t know how to get his at­ten­tion.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Why Mo­Ma?

Slang: The Right Way and the Wrong Ways

La­dy #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
La­dy #2: Are you kid­ding? Lis­ten, hon­ey, let me tell you…I just fin­ished my starter mar­riage, and I’ve been dat­ing like crazy!

–6 train

Over­heard by: BBW

Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Is­n’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yes­ter­day, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.

–F train

Over­heard by: fri­day­weasel

Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sand­wich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.

–Union Square

Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not go­ing to change the fact that he did it and he’s prob­a­bly just go­ing to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the sat­is­fac­tion of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.

–6 train

Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your pe­ri­od is end­ing.

–Q train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Eat­ing Cat Food

News­pa­per hawk­er: Close your um­brel­las, peo­ple! You’re in­side! You’re go­ing to poke some­body’s eye out! Then they gonna sue you! Then you gonna be broke! Then you gonna throw your­self down the es­ca­la­tor!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Brawd

Black guy on cell: Nig­gas with no mon­ey are con­ta­gious!

–7 train plat­form, 74th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Robyn Z

Flight at­ten­dant: Wel­come to New York where the lo­cal time is 4:37. We know that you have a choice in se­lect­ing your air trav­el, and on be­half of the pi­lot and the crew I’d like to thank you for choos­ing our bank­rupt air­line.

–La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Ldartjoy

Man on cell: There’s noth­ing worse than a poor snob.

–115th & Broad­way, out­side Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Hobo: Don’t any­one wan­na do­nate to the broke-ass foun­da­tion?

–Hous­ton St

Over­heard by: Has been helped by that or­ga­ni­za­tion

One Won­ders Why He Does­n’t Sim­ply Rep­re­sent Him­self

Young black guy #1: Be­ing a lawyer is a no-brain job. They don’t have to know noth­ing about noth­ing. Just stand there.
Young black guy #2: Yeah, but I’d like to be a lawyer. I don’t want to go to court or noth­ing, just have the ti­tle.
Young black guy #1: Most lawyers are worse than the crim­i­nals they de­fend.
Young black guy #2: So, what’s hap­pen­ing with your case?
Young black guy #1: It’s get­ting dis­missed, or I’m plead­ing guilty or some­thing.
Young black guy #2: Yeah?
Young black guy #1: God rest John­nie Cochran’s soul.

–Food Court, Con­course Plaza, Bronx

Over­heard by: Lawyer

It’s Even Hard for Grownups to Grasp

Obese black woman, ex­plain­ing 9/11 to sev­en-year-old daugh­ter: We talk about this every day, hon­ey. The end­ing’s not gonna change.
Daugh­ter: They put up the flag up af­ter? Did­n’t it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kin­da had more im­por­tant things to deal with. They did­n’t have a wash­ing ma­chine there.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

At Least She’s Read­ing

Ghet­to chick: Ex­cuse me! Ex­cuse me! What’s the name of the tow­ers that got knocked down?
In­cred­u­lous passer­by: Umm … The World Trade Cen­ter.
Ghet­to chick to thug boyfriend: See! I told you it was­n’t none of that twin tow­ers. You think­ing of Lord of the Rings.

–Vesey St