Archive for the ‘Black People’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Understand the Caucus System

Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Democrat

Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: Chuckell

Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.

–Washington Square Park

Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…

–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PdQ

Engorged, Throbbing Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to another: Eat the penis, Danielle, eat the penis.

–New Jersey Transit train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Tootles McGee

Black guy: Yo! Where my penis at?

–Bergenline Bus

Overheard by: Don’t know how he lost it to begin with

Guy with big dog to girlfriend: Is my cock straight?

–12th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amanda

Five-year-old son to father helping him ride a bicycle, seeing wooden posts out of the water: Daddy, is that a huge penis?

–South Seaport

Female suit: Their penises don’t care!

–Times Square

Hobo: I’m the unluckiest son of a bitch I know! If it were raining vaginas, I’d get hit in the head with a penis.

–5th Ave

Girl on cell: That’s good… Did you like the peen? The peen? Did you like the penis, mother? The penis? Oh good, I though you would.

–9th & Prospect Park

Overheard by: Other Side of the Fence

So We Have an Alibi

Irish guy: Yeah, I’m a hundred percent Irish. I just got back from Ireland this summer.
Black chick: Oh, you’re Irish? I’m part Irish.
Irish guy, skeptical: Really?
Black chick: No, seriously. An Irish slave master raped my great, great grandmother.
Irish guy: Well, my family got here in 1909.

–Ulysses’ Bar

Janie Got a Wednesday One-Liner

Voice over employee's walkie-talkie: Okay, I really need those guns. Anyone who has one, I need it down in bridal.

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Obnoxious woman: So I said, "motherfucker, I'm not your sister–I'm your cousin. So I will shoot you."

–Uptown 2 Train

Large black man: If you ain't got no bullets, you gotsta melee!

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Zach

Wannabe hip-hopper, trying to sell CD: It's clean music, and I ain't never shot no one!

–Union Square

20-something guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it's over ten years old!

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily Davidson

Dude, after chatting to policewoman: I just have a thing for women in uniform! My mind says, "no, no, settle down," and my penis says, "but she's got a gun!"

–Hudson & Laight

Out of What, Now?

Old white husband: What are lamb chops?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for dinner all the time.
Old white husband: What are they?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for you!
Old white husband: I don’t remember, tell me what they are.
Old black wife: They’re like pork chops, but made out of lamb.

–D train

Overheard by: daniela

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.

–Elevator, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!

–Terminal 5

Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?

–Cafe Esperanto

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!

–TriBeCa

Overheard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Overheard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Overheard by: BQM lady

Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!

–Astor Place

This Is the Line Vader Should Have Taken with Luke

Black dude on cell: So I got her pregnant. And she wanted me to care and shit, and I was like, ‘I’m a street nigga!’ And you know what I’m sayin’, ’cause you’re one, too. I didn’t want to be a father. I even told my son, straight-up! She was some nasty shit — all mugly in the face; body all fucked-up. But yeah, I was lacing that shit all the way through 1982! Okay, peace out, man.

–E train

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