Archive for the ‘Blackberry’ Category

Meet New York City’s Most Func­tion­al Cou­ple

Male suit: See, look at her! (points at woman on Black­Ber­ry) Women are more like­ly to get killed while tex­ting than men. Men are al­ways aware of their sur­round­ings.
Fe­male suit: No, men just can’t walk and text at the same time. Women are bet­ter at mul­ti-task­ing.
Male suit: Al­right, since you’re so good at mul­ti-task­ing, suck my dick and make me a sand­wich.
Fe­male suit: I’ve got news for you. If you keep eat­ing sand­wich­es, even hook­ers won’t want to suck your dick.

–Broad­way & As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

For Those of You Who Miss Su­per­mar­ket Sweep

Five-year-old boy, crowd­ed around his moth­ers’ black­ber­ry with younger sis­ters: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1! Mom­my… time’s up!
Moth­er, who had been rush­ing around the sale room with just one item: [Ddis­ap­point­ed] Okay, okay. I guess I’ll just take this one sweater…

–An­thro­polo­gie

Over­heard by: amused shop­per

Sil­ly Rab­bit, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are for Kids

Ex­cit­ed lit­tle girl to friend: Hey! Wan­na see my room? It’s re­al­ly cool! I got a bed!

–Whole Foods, Tribeca

Three-year-old girl, ex­cit­ed­ly point­ing at pic­ture on store front: Look mom­my, it’s Bud­dha! It’s Bud­dha!

–Ave B b/w 3rd & 4th

Over­heard by: EV­girl

Young girl to fa­ther: On­ly 1,486 days un­til I’m 18 and then I can do what­ev­er the heck I want.

–E 78th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Bran­don F

4‑year-old girl to fa­ther try­ing to board over­crowd­ed train: Je­sus, we should have tak­en the bus! I told you we should have tak­en the bus.

–Up­town 4 Train

Over­heard by: kdice

Five-year-old son to fa­ther who just dropped Black­Ber­ry: What the hell just hap­pened here?

–Great Lawn, Cen­tral Park

Four-year-old girl: I’m­ma hus­t­la! I’m­ma, I’m­ma hus­t­la!

–Up­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: Ni­na

…When I’m Drunk Enough.

Male suit: Sweet! They’re get­ting me a new Black­Ber­ry!
Fe­male suit: Can I have your old one? You just got it.
Male suit: Eh, the mid­dle but­ton is bro­ken. I may have to send it in.
Fe­male suit: Your mid­dle but­ton is bro­ken. You pee your pants when I touch it. That does­n’t mean I don’t want you.

–F Train

Over­heard by: Kel­lz

Wednes­day Mile-High­lin­ers

Pi­lot: Pas­sen­gers, please move your seat in­to the least com­fort­able po­si­tion. We are now ap­proach­ing La­Guardia in­ter­galac­tic air­port. I’m your pi­lot, T.J. Maxx.

–Jet­Blue Air­plane

Pi­lot over in­ter­com: We are about to de­part, so please turn off your iPhones, Side­kicks, Black­Ber­rys, Blue­ber­rys, Pinkber­rys, Straw­ber­rys and all oth­er mo­bile de­vices. Even you, girl in the blue scarf.

–La­Guardia Flight

Flight at­ten­dant: In the mean­time we ask that pas­sen­gers please con­tin­ue to use oxy­gen at their leisure.

–JFK

Bored-look­ing flight at­ten­dant, ex­plain­ing how to board the plane in or­der: The let­ter on your board­ing pass stands for the which group you may board with: a, b, or c. The num­ber un­der­neath stands for the amount of mon­ey you could save by switch­ing to GE­ICO.

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: Fre­quent Fly­er

Death Comes As a Re­lief to New York­ers

Suit #1, look­ing at his Black­Ber­ry: I have a 10:00 and a board meet­ing at 1. How about 10:30?
Suit #2, look­ing at his Black­Ber­ry: Con­fer­ence call at 10:30. 11?
Suit #1: I’m ex­pect­ing a call then. 11:45?
Suit #2: Ap­point­ment down­town at 12:30, need trav­el time. 11:30?
Suit #1: I can’t com­mit to 11:30. How about 9:30?
Suit #2: 9:30’s now.

–E Train

Over­heard by: Chuck­ell

Wednes­day M1-Lin­ers

Bored bus dri­ver: This is El­dar Av­enue. Next stop is Kisse­na boule­vard, and for those of you wear­ing head­phones: blah blah blab­bity blah.

–Q44

Over­heard by: Car­olyn S

An­i­mat­ed Bolt­Bus dri­ver: If you’re talk­ing on your Black­Ber­ry, your straw­ber­ry, or to Halle Berry… Well, in that case, let me know…

–Bolt­Bus

Bus dri­ver: Ladies and gen­tle­men, please con­tin­ue mov­ing to the rear end of the bus. The soon­er you move, the soon­er we move. Thank you for your co­op­er­a­tion. (long pause) Those who are co­op­er­at­ing… ladies and gen­tle­men, please step in. Watch the clos­ing door. It’s about to close ri­i­i­i­ight now.

–101 Bus, Harlem

Bus dri­ver: Now the road may get a bit bumpy. Just keep in mind it’s not my fault, it’s not the bus’s fault, it’s the as­phalt.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus Ter­mi­nal

Bus dri­ver: On your left you’ll see men wear­ing or­ange vests, they are vol­un­teers, they are help­ing their com­mu­ni­ty. (long pause) They en­tered through the back of the bus or jumped over the turn­stiles, and got fined. They could­n’t pay the tick­et, so the city lets them work it off, on­ly for a day or two, so they don’t have to pay the tick­et. So don’t en­ter through the back of the bus or jump the turn­stiles.

–Q43

Bus dri­ver: Please keep your voic­es low when us­ing your cell phones. Last week a woman re­fused to heed that ad­vice, so I strand­ed her at the first rest stop. That was my moth­er.

–Bolt­Bus

Over­heard by: Mil­i­tantLezbian