Male worker: He isn’t here today.
Woman worker: But I need him!
Man worker: But Mr. Clean ain’t here today!
Woman worker whining: When?
Man worker: Not today!
–Electra Building
Archive for the ‘Blue-collar workers’ Category
Drugs+Music+Sammiches=Hilarity!
Sandwich Lady: I worked with him, you know.
Sandwich Guy: Who?
Sandwich Lady: Eric Clapton. He had a rep office on the island. I met lots of celebrities. KC and Jojo, they came too. They was on drugs.
–Cosi, 45th & Madison
Not “I’ll Fuck You” Good, But Good Nonetheless
Construction worker #1 to hot girl: Damn baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy ’cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That’s gotta be the best I’ve ever heard!
–65th & Broadway
Overheard by: Right to the point. Nice.
That’s Public Service for You
One postal agent to other, speaking of the UPS agent nearby: Tell him to pick up all the heavy boxes, especially for the walk-ups.
–Bleecker street
Overheard by: Disco Lama
Wednesday One-Liners Are Out the Door Before the Condom Comes Off
Building worker on cell: Like her? No, I don’t like her. I have to like every girl that I bone? Terrible? Why is that terrible?
–52nd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: blatto
Guy on cell: I’m looking for someone to, excuse my language, fuck, not just have sex with.
–Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Jason
Eurotrash: So then I felt bad because he couldn’t guess who I was and so I gave him a hint. I told him I would meet him at six o’clock at the motel, because you know, that was like our place!
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy: You sleep with them once and they expect you to bring your toothbrush and loofa over the next time.
–Tad’s Montana
Overheard by: Mishen
Girl on cell: Remember how I was talking to that guy in London? Well, he’s coming to visit for five days. Yeah, it’s gonna be fun. I’ve decided, after he leaves, I’m not going to talk to him anymore. What’s the point? It’s not even a relationship, it’s a pseudo-relationship. You fight and get mad and what for? I’m not moving to London, he’s not moving to New York. Yeah, so we’ll have fun, and then when he leaves, I just won’t talk to him anymore. How is that shady?
–N train, Astoria
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Girl: Yeah, I feel like I’m bangin’ the whole world!
–Columbus Circle subway exit
“Ah. The Hillary Clinton concealer, then.”
Counter lady #1: Do I have something on my face?
Counter lady #2: Yeah. Evilness.
–Cafe 212, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ariz
It’s Like the Stupid Leading the Blind
MTA worker leading a blind man: You see where those turnstiles are? You’re going to make a left there.
Blind man: OF COURSE I CAN’T SEE WHERE THE TURNSTILES ARE!
–59th St 6 train platform
Overheard by: ahcnaej
The Chorus to a Terrible Song
Woman #1: Are you going to be here for Christmas?
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For Thanksgiving?
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For–
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For–
Woman #2: Yah.
–Duane Reade, Greenwich Village
“It’s a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All”
College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn’t go out!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Noemi
Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.
–5 Train
20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: M
Guy on cell: I swear I didn’t have sex with her when I was in Norway.
–Lower East Side
New York Will Be Empty Before You Know It
Construction worker #1: My girlfriend is being deported.
Construction worker #2: Why, ’cause she’s illegal?
Construction worker #1: No, ’cause she’s a fucking whore.
–38th St & 9th Ave
