Archive for the ‘Body Parts’ Category

‘Knife’?

Black teen to drag queen: Yo, I can see your Adam’s ap­ple, nig­ga!
Friend: Shhh, don’t say the N‑word, we’re sur­round­ed by white peo­ple!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: jesse michael klein

Are Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Fun­ny Ha-Ha, or Fun­ny-Pe­cu­liar?

Guy eat­ing pan­cakes: Every­thing’s fun­ny in ret­ro­spect, like the time I got that screw­driv­er stuck in my eye.

–IHOP, Brook­lyn

An­cient Greek civ­i­liza­tion pro­fes­sor: A sex­u­al act, in some sense, for an ob­serv­er is fun­ny.

–Hunter Col­lege

Crazy la­dy: All the pros­ti­tutes need to be round­ed up and stuck in church­es! (teen girl laughs) You think that’s fun­ny? It’s not gonna be fun­ny when you are in a hos­pi­tal ad­dict­ed to crack!

–Wa­ter St & Broad St

Girl to her friend: Would­n’t it be fun­ny if hu­man be­ings could on­ly walk for­ward and back­wards?

–8th St & 2nd Ave

La­dy sit­ting with girl­friends: It’s fun­ny be­cause I’m preg­nant, and he does­n’t know.

–Star­bucks

Drunk­en Jets fan to friends in Jets jer­seys: That’s not fun­ny. You want to see some­thing fun­ny? (grabs wood­en sign­post, slams fore­head in­to it) That’s fun­ny!

–W 4th & Bar­row

Over­heard by: ji­ra mon­key

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: So Life­like!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would to­tal­ly do it!

–Queens

Mid­dle-aged Lati­no: I’ve got bar­bie dolls!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

News­pa­per ven­dor: Cause I have that mul­ti­ple sneez­ing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bob­ble-head doll!

–96th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Galatea

Girl leav­ing nail sa­lon: It looks like Mal­ibu Bar­bie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bill

De­spon­dent lit­tle girl in cof­fee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much be­cause you said we’re not sup­posed to play in the med­i­ta­tion room.

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

Your El­e­va­tor Will Be Sep­a­rate, but Equal

Chick (walk­ing in el­e­va­tor and look­ing at oth­ers): Sor­ry for star­ing, but you all have blue eyes.
Blue-eyed woman: Yeah, we’re all re­lat­ed.
Chick: Re­al­ly?
Blue-eyed woman: Uh, no.
Blue-eyed man: But don’t wor­ry, we’ll be nice to you when we take over.

–El­e­va­tor, Roo­sevelt Hos­pi­tal

Wednes­day, with a One-Lin­er Chas­er

Fe­male day-drink­ing tourist: Oh shit, I left my vod­ka in the church!

–Out­side Trin­i­ty Church

Man on cell: If it’s pos­si­ble to fer­ment it, we have fer­ment­ed it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Mid­dle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the oth­er. I’m like that. My blad­der has room for the equiv­a­lent of one good cock­tail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Over­heard by: Ah.…middle age

Com­muter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Old drunk walk­ing in­to a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my pre­scrip­tion?

–Broad­way & 106th St

Over­heard by: rick­bruner