Archive for the ‘Booty Call’ Category

In the Name Of the Fa­ther, the Son, and the Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Hus­band push­ing car­riage to wife: You’re lucky I’m on my way to church right now, or I’d kill you.

–Up­per West Side

Chick on cell: But the re­al ques­tion is, is he Catholic? And an in­som­ni­ac?

–113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Se­quined Aus­tralian drag queen: Well, I know an An­tichrist re­li­gion when I see it.

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Al­isha

Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was lit­tle, but like I don’t be­lieve him.

–But­ler Li­brary, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Train con­duc­tor: 110th Street, Cathe­dral Park­way. There are church­es here, you know.

–1 Train

Man to woman, af­ter get­ting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I got­ta get over there be­fore she’s got to go to church.

–Q Train

Over­heard by: spy­girl

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Out the Door Be­fore the Con­dom Comes Off

Build­ing work­er on cell: Like her? No, I don’t like her. I have to like every girl that I bone? Ter­ri­ble? Why is that ter­ri­ble?

–52nd St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: blat­to

Guy on cell: I’m look­ing for some­one to, ex­cuse my lan­guage, fuck, not just have sex with.

–Man­hat­tan Ave

Over­heard by: Ja­son

Eu­ro­trash: So then I felt bad be­cause he could­n’t guess who I was and so I gave him a hint. I told him I would meet him at six o’­clock at the mo­tel, be­cause you know, that was like our place!

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy: You sleep with them once and they ex­pect you to bring your tooth­brush and loofa over the next time.

–Tad’s Mon­tana

Over­heard by: Mishen

Girl on cell: Re­mem­ber how I was talk­ing to that guy in Lon­don? Well, he’s com­ing to vis­it for five days. Yeah, it’s gonna be fun. I’ve de­cid­ed, af­ter he leaves, I’m not go­ing to talk to him any­more. What’s the point? It’s not even a re­la­tion­ship, it’s a pseu­do-re­la­tion­ship. You fight and get mad and what for? I’m not mov­ing to Lon­don, he’s not mov­ing to New York. Yeah, so we’ll have fun, and then when he leaves, I just won’t talk to him any­more. How is that shady?

–N train, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Mis­sPinkKate

Girl: Yeah, I feel like I’m ban­gin’ the whole world!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle sub­way ex­it

Or­tho­dox Mor­mons Have All the Fun

Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re preg­nant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got en­gaged to your sis­ter on the 4th of July…This is re­al­ly bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sis­ter is go­ing to go through the roof…No, she does­n’t come back un­til Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got en­gaged to your sis­ter. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good af­ter­noon.

He makes an­oth­er call.

Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lau­ren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s preg­nant…Me!

–46th be­tween 5th & 6th

Fifth: Dick.

Young woman #1, be­fore movie starts: I’m gonna go.
Young woman #2: Why? Don’t go.
Young woman #1: I’m gonna meet up with my man.
Young woman #2: Come on! Don’t you want to stay for the movie?
Young woman #1: I’m gonna leave now cause: first of all… booty call. Sec­ond of all… dick. Third of all… dick. Fourth… my man is sick and I have Tums with me.

–Movie, Bryant Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Make “Un­safe Re­quests”

Home­less man: Eliot Spitzer for Pres­i­dent!… Make the White House the whore­house!

–Bat­tery Park

NYU guy: So my friend who works for Eliot Spitzer called me the oth­er day and asked me to ask his room­mate to delete all his emails. He did­n’t say why, but then about two hours lat­er I found out about the whole pros­ti­tute thing… And now I’m a lit­tle wor­ried.

–NYU Bus

Am­NY news­pa­per guy, hand­ing out pa­pers with Eliot Spitzer’s pic­ture on the front page: $80,000 for a ho, and we can’t get a raise!

–Out­side 33rd St Sta­tion, 33rd & Park

Crazy guy, speed­ing on a bi­cy­cle through a crowd: Don’t even think about it peo­ple! I got­ta make a par­ty at Spitzer’s in ten min­utes!

–43rd & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Dan J

Old la­dy: Why, if I were young like you, I could be a call-girl to scum-of-the-earth Spitzer!

–Laun­dro­mat, 34th St, Long Is­land City

This nig­ga on Over­heard

Thug #1: We don’t even go to the movies or noth­in’. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin’.
Thug #2: That’s where it’s at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li’l nig­ga, too. She knows not to ask for some­thin’ se­ri­ous. That li’l nig­ga in fifth grade! That nig­ga on My­Space!

–Hous­ton & Suf­folk

Over­heard by: Rhymes With Lasagna

Head­line by: ja

Run­ners-Up:
· “…And “To Catch A Preda­tor”” — Stuck in the Mid­West
· “He Comes Over for Some Pipin’ Too.” — Court­ney
· “I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth.” — Snark Slop­er
· “That Li’l Nig­ga Gots Roast Beef and This Li’l Nig­ga Gots None.” — john­nyb
· “The Nu­cu­lar Fam­i­ly” — Bill
· “The Wal­tons, 2007” — G’night, John Boy

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Cor­ti­tos Del Miér­coles

Saucy Lati­na: I don’t want to get a biki­ni wax if it won’t be sex­u­al.

–Dal­las BBQ, Times Square

Over­heard by: La­dle

Ex­as­per­at­ed Lati­na: She makes me sin on freakin’ Ash Wednes­day!

–42nd St. 4 sta­tion

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Lati­na on cell: Hey, just call­ing to say hi… And tell you I’m nev­er gonna see you again. Okay, bye!

–24th & 7th

Whiny Lati­na: I don’t want to sweat to­day — I can’t mess up my hair!

–New York Sports Club, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Mis­sPinkKate

Loud Lati­na: He woke up and pissed in a bot­tle. I was like, ‘The bath­room’s right there! Why you got­ta piss in a 40 bot­tle?’

–3 train

Over­heard by: EthanK

Sassy Lati­na on cell: Well, you can just call your par­ents and tell them you’re a pig and need more than one woman and that’s why we aren’t get­ting mar­ried!

–Near Stein­way St, Queens

Over­heard by: ADC

Lati­no thug: That’s what we do. That’s what we do when we hangin’ out with a girl: smoke a blunt, watch a movie, and then we fuck. That’s what we do. All my nig­gas, that’s what we do!

–Ft Greene

Over­heard by: An­drew