Archive for the ‘Bosses’ Category

Keep Your Wednes­day One-Lin­er in Your Pants, Dude

Prep­py guy: This may be the last thing I say with my pe­nis at­tached, but…

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his pe­nis is re­al­ly im­por­tant here, if his is bet­ter I’ll take him!

–26th St & Lex­ing­ton Ave

Over­heard by: your mom

Asian guy: Every­one else was on the floor. Every­one had a pe­nis in their face.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I’m say­ing is: don’t jump on the first pe­nis that comes along!

–Broad­way

Boss, about weightlift­ing: My gen­i­tals were so in­vert­ed I used to crap my pe­nis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six eu­phemisms for “pe­nis” in the first scene!

–Ju­nior High School

Over­heard by: gaby­gril­lz

If You’re Against Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Don’t Have One

Opera di­rec­tor, af­ter tech sticks a wire hang­er un­der the ther­mo­stat box to turn up the heat: Well, some­one just got an abor­tion! (every­one stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brook­lyn Mu­sic School

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Cheap­er than a Chi­nese abor­tion!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Mick­ey

Bar cus­tomer to bar­tender: You’re on­ly 22? I have an abort­ed fe­tus that’s old­er than you!

–110th & Am­s­ter­dam

Man sell­ing tick­ets: Help me pay for my girl­friend’s abor­tion by com­ing to the com­e­dy club!

–Times Square

Man to very preg­nant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had got­ten an abor­tion.

–D Train

Over­heard by: blis­tex­ad­dict

Wednes­di­verse Mul­ti-Lin­ers

Soul­ful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Nev­erland. (nods know­ing­ly)

–Down­town A Train

Over­heard by: Bear­sian

Gallery di­rec­tor to in­tern: So af­ter he was ar­rest­ed we sent a let­ter to Hen­ry Gates ask­ing him for mon­ey, you know, since we are a mul­ti­cul­tur­al or­ga­ni­za­tion.

–Low­er East Side Art Gallery

Lati­na to Lati­no: Lati­nos and black peo­ple can’t be racist. That’s, like, just white peo­ple.

–Red Hook, Brook­lyn

White hobo: When I see a black nig­ger to­geth­er with a white nig­ger, that just con­fus­es the hell out­ta me.

–Hous­ton & Clin­ton

Woman: She likes black dogs be­cause she’s black, and I like white dogs be­cause I’m white.

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: Yehu­da

Wednes­day Off-the-Rack-Lin­ers

20-some­thing man on cell: I just bought an­oth­er Trans­form­ers t‑shirt. That means I am one Trans­form­ers t‑shirt away from be­ing able to on­ly wear Trans­form­ers t‑shirts.

–9th Ave & 45th St

Over­heard by: Ser­e­na

Male art teacher: What’s wrong with chif­fon? If I were home right now, I would be wear­ing chif­fon.

–Hunter Col­lege High School

Bar own­er to col­lege kid wear­ing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin’ on a game show or some­thin?

–Citi Bar

Over­heard by: Lu­lu

20-some­thing girl on cell: You should’ve known when you liked his clothes that he was go­ing to be over­ly emo­tion­al. No one who dress­es that good can hold it all to­geth­er.

–Lock­er Room, Crunch Gym

Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, “Mike, it’s a prob­lem when you wearin’ the same clothes as your daugh­ter.’ ”

–5th Ave & 14th St

Over­heard by: Sue

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: The World’s Old­est Pro­fes­sion

Old­er, dirty-look­ing hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hook­er and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-some­thing girl: Se­ri­ous­ly! There is noth­ing bet­ter af­ter a stress­ful day than steal­ing a car, pick­ing up a hook­er, tak­ing her to the beach, fuck­ing her, killing her, get­ting your mon­ey back and not get­ting ar­rest­ed. Noth­ing!

–Un­der­hill & St. Mark’s, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don’t give me more hours, I’m­ma have to start sell­in’ my pussy!

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Hol­ly

Sub­way mu­si­cian in drag the night be­fore Valen­tine’s Day: Be with the one you love! If you don’t have any­one, then hire some­body! And keep your re­ceipt!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Morn­ing Glo­ry

Mu­si­cian on train plat­form: Every­thing gonna be al­right! Get home safe, New York. Re­mem­ber: if you see some­thing, say some­thing, don’t keep it to your­self. And re­mem­ber, New York, if you can’t be with the one you love, pay some­one! Keep all the re­ceipts. I know what I’m talk­ing about.

–B Train

Over­heard by: Free Love

Cu­ba Good­ing Jr: “Show Me the Wednes­day One-Lin­er!”

CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make mon­ey.

–12th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Je­re­my

Old­er man wear­ing yarmulke, scream­ing in­to cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the ar­moire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so wor­ried! I will de­posit it to­mor­row! (pause) Yeah! I’m go­ing over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I got­ta go! Bye!

–Q Train

Frus­trat­ed girl on cell: I’ve on­ly got a metro card and $20! I can’t take the bus!

–85th & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: Jesse D

Fe­male stu­dent: My dad did­n’t pay two $200,000 for me to be a bar­tender.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Greg

Singing hobo: I work hard for the mon­ey, I work hard for the mon­ey, so you bet­ter work hard for me!

–W 4th St

Over­heard by: DRC

Bur­sar of­fice at­ten­dant: All we do is take yo mon­ey.

–Pratt In­sti­tute