Archive for the ‘Botox’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Smell Like Vic­to­ry

One His­pan­ic la­dy to an­oth­er: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?

–R Train

Over­heard by: Fer­na

Smelly gra­nola girl on cell: I dun­no, maybe Wilco is too big to have an open­ing act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a se­ri­ous show­er. I haven’t been home since the show. Does­n’t that suck? When you for­get to clean up af­ter a few days? (laughs to her­self)

–Mc­Car­ren Park

Over­heard by: AleKatz

Woman on cell: It smells like col­lege!

–BrewFest, South Street Sea­port

Of­fice stu­dent: It lit­er­al­ly smells like my ass.

–CC­NY Com­put­er Lab

Girl: Nig­ga, you smell like the crack in my tit­ties.

–Q Train

Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soak­ing wet, but I did­n’t mind. It was nice to see her en­joy­ing it. (pause) No, it did­n’t smell. It did­n’t smell like any­thing.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: who are these peo­ple?

Paris Hilton: “That’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er.”

Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things with­out get­ting hurt?

–K‑Mart, As­tor Place

Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I to­tal­ly would­n’t cheat on my girl­friend, un­less it was with a hot chick.

–Morn­ing­side Heights

Over­heard by: La­dle

Guy to an­oth­er, as smok­ing hot woman walks by: She’s so hot I’d eat the corn out of her poop!

–42nd & Broad­way

Guy to din­ner date: I hate it when peo­ple tag me on Face­book. It’s like, I’m in sweat pants! I’m a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You’re gonna tag that?! Like “tap that.” You’re gonna “tag that”? (pause) What do you think about the wait­ress, pret­ty hot huh?

–Din­er, Wash­ing­ton Heights

Over­heard by: April Marks

That’s Just Your Con­science Dy­ing

In­genue: She looks good for her age.
Jad­ed old­er woman: Botox and lifts.
In­genue: At least her hair is nat­ur­al.
Jad­ed old­er woman: You kid­ding? She dyes every week.
In­genue: Her teeth.
Jad­ed old­er woman: Please.
In­genue: Why do I feel guilty just talk­ing to you?

–Front & Wall Streets

Over­heard by: Feel­ing Guilty for Just Lis­ten­ing