Clearly drunk college student: Dude, I need advice. If you meet this really hot girl that happens to have the same name as your mother, do you still do her?
Bouncer: Hell yeah. Why not? She’s hot, right?
Clearly drunk college student: Ugh, I don’t know. I don’t want to think of my mom the whole time. I can’t do it.
–Walker & Church
Tourist, looking at buildings across from Central Park: So which one is the Statue of Liberty?
–Columbus Circle
Girl: Are pork chops made of lamb?
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Nora Claire
Girl to bouncer at bar: Does this place have really awesome bathrooms?
–East Village
Overheard by: bb
Tourist: Is Chinatown closed?
–Canal St
Overheard by: Kristen
Hippie at exhibit for world’s most extreme animals: Are they alive?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Lady on cell: Times Square’s where that ball is, right?
–42nd St & 6th St
Overheard by: tourists rock
Guy: What is this? So I sign up and get a free beer?
–Designated Driver Booth, Citi Field
Overheard by: AJ
Bouncer on phone: I don’t care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: chiddox
Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!
–Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx
Overheard by: Li’l Squeaker
Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!
–Times Square
30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say “dick in cider” or “dick inside her”?
–7th St & St. Mark’s
Overheard by: Juicy
High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.
–Q27 Bus Stop
Overheard by: cough.cough.cough
Woman on phone: It’s not about you, it’s about your small dick.
–Times Square
Girl to friend: So you’re going to tutor his dick, right?
–University & 10th St
Drunk Asian girl to bouncer stamping her hand: What is this? What does this do?
Big black bouncer: It’s a stamp.
–Central Bar, Near Astor Place
Overheard by: waiting to get in
Bouncer: What is *with* you tonight?
Girl promoting free comedy show: I had sex last night and I want everyone to be happy for me! His ball sack melted in my mouth! (to passerby) Free comedy show downstairs tonight! (a second later, screaming across the street) His ball sack melted in my mouth!
–Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny…
–Broadway Caribou Coffee
Overheard by: jenny Lui
Man, to friend: So, he says to me “Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it.”
–46th, b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: christine
30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird.
–7th Ave
Overheard by: James from Jersey
Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat!
–21st & 6th
20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Tater
Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles!
–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Muscular bouncer, to drunk girl: I’ll make sure you get in, because you’ve got that cute little lip ring.
Drunk girl: Want to see what else I’ve got?
Fat bouncer: I do!
–310 Bowery
Overheard by: Vasu
Frustrated bouncer: You don’t speak Spanish, you don’t speak Chinese, what the fuck do you speak?
–Broome Street, Chinatown
Woman, talking to friends: And I love how his “Dominican” wife has an Irish accent.
–109th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cassandra
Crazy guy running: The British are coming! The British are coming!
–8th St & 6th Ave
Woman talking to friend: So this Chinese guy told me he was speaking Vietnamese. I never knew that Vietnam was in china! I felt so ignorant after that.
–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
30-something woman to her female friend: I didn’t know he was gay. I just thought he was French.
–E 34th St
Foreign woman, after the entire audience has been screaming “Cunt! Cunt!” at the end of “Reclaiming Cunt” during “The Vagina Monologues”: I think my English is improving!
–New School
Drunk guy: So, like, have you ever had to knock someone out?
Large bouncer: Not yet.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Drewster
Bouncer: Your ID doesn’t scan…
Drunk boy: Are you kidding? I paid extra for scanable.
–Mercury Bar
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist