Archive for the ‘Boyfriends’ Category

What About Es­ki­mo Je­sus?

Boyfriend: Look at that lit­tle kid, it looks like he’s walk­ing on wa­ter.
Girl­friend: He’s Je­sus.
Boyfriend: I nev­er knew Je­sus was a mu­lat­to.
Girl­friend: No, he was In­di­an, did­n’t you know? (pause) An Amer­i­can In­di­an.

–6th Ave

Over­heard by: eaves­drop­per

Nah, She’s Fak­ing the Hys­te­ria, Too

Boyfriend: I’m sor­ry, I just can’t be with you any­more. You’re too clingy.
Girl­friend: I’m not clingy! I fucked, like, ten oth­er guys!
Boyfriend: While we were dat­ing?
Girl­friend: What­ev­er, it was be­cause you’re not that good in bed. Oh, yeah, I faked all my or­gasms, by the way. And my boobs? –Aren’t wa­ter bal­loons!
Boyfriend: Dude. First of all, we’re on a moth­er­fuck­ing-packed sub­way. Sec­ond of all, be­ing a crazy bitch is­n’t go­ing to help your case.
Girl­friend starts cry­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly: You can’t break up with me! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Stranger, to boyfriend: If you’re think­ing of killing your­self af­ter this, I sell knives.

–Brook­lyn-bound L train

Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?

Tall, gor­geous girl to much short­er, ugli­er boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our re­la­tion­ship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I’m your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walk­ing and ar­gue loud­ly, a small crowd be­gins to gath­er)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheat­ing? Why would you think that? You’re the one that said you’re the on­ly one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the on­ly man that will ever love you!
Ran­dom guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Ran­dom guy: No you douchebag, your girl­friend!

–Broad­way & Wall St.

Who’ll Have the Last Laugh When the Mes­si­ah Pops Out?

Girl­friend: I’m not feel­ing so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What’s wrong?
Girl­friend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were preg­nant?
Girl­friend: By what? Im­mac­u­late con­cep­tion? Or your fin­ger?

–13th St & 4th Ave

Over­heard by: Bis­cuit-lover