Young tourist woman to boyfriend: Is that the Statue of Liberty?
Boyfriend: Umm…no. That would be the Empire State Building.
–30th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Marie Ziskin
Archive for the ‘Boyfriends’ Category
Nah, She’s Faking the Hysteria, Too
Boyfriend: I’m sorry, I just can’t be with you anymore. You’re too clingy.
Girlfriend: I’m not clingy! I fucked, like, ten other guys!
Boyfriend: While we were dating?
Girlfriend: Whatever, it was because you’re not that good in bed. Oh, yeah, I faked all my orgasms, by the way. And my boobs? –Aren’t water balloons!
Boyfriend: Dude. First of all, we’re on a motherfucking-packed subway. Second of all, being a crazy bitch isn’t going to help your case.
Girlfriend starts crying hysterically: You can’t break up with me! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Stranger, to boyfriend: If you’re thinking of killing yourself after this, I sell knives.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?
Tall, gorgeous girl to much shorter, uglier boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our relationship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I'm your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walking and argue loudly, a small crowd begins to gather)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheating? Why would you think that? You're the one that said you're the only one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the only man that will ever love you!
Random guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Random guy: No you douchebag, your girlfriend!
–Broadway & Wall St.
It Was on the Guido Licensing Exam!
Boyfriend: It’s called Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tromina?
Boyfriend: No, Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tarmina?
Boyfriend: No, tah-or-min-ah.
Girlfriend: Ta-roh-min-ah?
Boyfriend: How can you not say this? We’re fucking Italian!
–Mulberry St, Little Italy
Who'll Have the Last Laugh When the Messiah Pops Out?
Girlfriend: I'm not feeling so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What's wrong?
Girlfriend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were pregnant?
Girlfriend: By what? Immaculate conception? Or your finger?
–13th St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: Biscuit-lover
Might Want to Take Off Those Ankle Weights
Young lady: Fuck you, motherfucker!
Boyfriend: C'mon, baby, she dint mean nuttin' to me.
Young lady: That's it. You ain't gettin' it no more! I wouldn't fuck you with the cat's pussy!
Boyfriend: Alright den, the hell with you! Bye–but dem legs are gonna bring you down!
–Queens Bus Stop
Sure, Lisa, Some Magical Wednesday One-Liner….
Dude with chick to group of smokers outside bar: We are going to eat pork chops and fuck.
–Bleecker and Crosby
Gay male on cell: …Do you really think I would try his sausage balls?
–53rd St & 8th Ave
Budget Vin Diesel: I love bacon. If I could, I would put bacon in my cereal.
–Sunburnt Cow, Avenue C
Overheard by: LeahPia77
Hispanic deli worker: Es muy barato, como la carne de gato.
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Anna Pilar
Black man, to Jewish friend: You’re not Jewish. You had bacon at your baby’s naming ceremony. Thickest, juiciest most delicious bacon I ever ate in my life. You named your kid Samuel and you had bacon. Delicious, delicious bacon.
–A Train
Man on cell phone: The sausages! I mean, I don’t feel bad for the hot dogs. But, the sausages?!
–41st and 7th
Overheard by: Justin
Like the One From That Spanking Movie
Girlfriend: I just don’t know what else I’d do for a career. I don’t know how to do anything else.
Boyfriend: That’s silly. You’d be a great secretary!
Boyfriend: What? I mean like a high powered executive secretary.
–1st & 1st
I Think I've Realized What I Want for Dessert
Polite diner: So would you?
Girlfriend: Would I what?
Polite diner: Lick your own vagina if you could.
Girlfriend: Absolutely not.
Polite diner: Well I would, it's delicious.
–Restaurant, 11th & 2nd
Some Half-Baked Wednesday One-Liners
Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyle
Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!
–125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Plausible
Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"
–Central Park Reservoir
Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?
–L Train
Overheard by: It's me, bitches.
Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: me too
Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.
–8th Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Erica Friedman
Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?
–Washington Square Park