Archive for the ‘Boyfriends’ Category

Nah, She’s Fak­ing the Hys­te­ria, Too

Boyfriend: I’m sor­ry, I just can’t be with you any­more. You’re too clingy.
Girl­friend: I’m not clingy! I fucked, like, ten oth­er guys!
Boyfriend: While we were dat­ing?
Girl­friend: What­ev­er, it was be­cause you’re not that good in bed. Oh, yeah, I faked all my or­gasms, by the way. And my boobs? –Aren’t wa­ter bal­loons!
Boyfriend: Dude. First of all, we’re on a moth­er­fuck­ing-packed sub­way. Sec­ond of all, be­ing a crazy bitch is­n’t go­ing to help your case.
Girl­friend starts cry­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly: You can’t break up with me! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Stranger, to boyfriend: If you’re think­ing of killing your­self af­ter this, I sell knives.

–Brook­lyn-bound L train

Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?

Tall, gor­geous girl to much short­er, ugli­er boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our re­la­tion­ship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I’m your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walk­ing and ar­gue loud­ly, a small crowd be­gins to gath­er)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheat­ing? Why would you think that? You’re the one that said you’re the on­ly one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the on­ly man that will ever love you!
Ran­dom guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Ran­dom guy: No you douchebag, your girl­friend!

–Broad­way & Wall St.

Who’ll Have the Last Laugh When the Mes­si­ah Pops Out?

Girl­friend: I’m not feel­ing so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What’s wrong?
Girl­friend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were preg­nant?
Girl­friend: By what? Im­mac­u­late con­cep­tion? Or your fin­ger?

–13th St & 4th Ave

Over­heard by: Bis­cuit-lover

Sure, Lisa, Some Mag­i­cal Wednes­day One-Lin­er.…

Dude with chick to group of smok­ers out­side bar: We are go­ing to eat pork chops and fuck.

–Bleeck­er and Cros­by

Gay male on cell: …Do you re­al­ly think I would try his sausage balls?

–53rd St & 8th Ave

Bud­get Vin Diesel: I love ba­con. If I could, I would put ba­con in my ce­re­al.

–Sun­burnt Cow, Av­enue C

Over­heard by: LeahPia77

His­pan­ic deli work­er: Es muy bara­to, co­mo la carne de gato.

–10th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: An­na Pi­lar

Black man, to Jew­ish friend: You’re not Jew­ish. You had ba­con at your baby’s nam­ing cer­e­mo­ny. Thick­est, juici­est most de­li­cious ba­con I ever ate in my life. You named your kid Samuel and you had ba­con. De­li­cious, de­li­cious ba­con.

–A Train

Man on cell phone: The sausages! I mean, I don’t feel bad for the hot dogs. But, the sausages?!

–41st and 7th

Over­heard by: Justin