Archive for the ‘Broadway Shows’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Say the Neon Lights Are Bright

Guy: Now, you know I want Tarzan the Mu­si­cal to be a gi­ant flop, but…

–54th & Broad­way

Ghet­to teen, watch­ing Sut­ton Fos­ter sing “You’ve Got Pos­si­bil­i­ties” from It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Su­per­man!, the mu­si­cal: Maybe these crack­ers be fa­mous, but it’s Broad­way. This shit sucks.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: war­ren free­man

Tourist chick, on cell: On Wednes­day, we’re go­ing to see The Di­rec­torsThe Di­rec­torsThe Di­rec­tors. C’­mon, you know, The Di­rec­tors! Oh, I mean The Pro­duc­ers!

–Side­street Sa­loon, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: John­ny Dron­go

Cue the Least Ro­man­tic Song Ever

Thug #1: Kel­ly Bundy’s danc­ing on Broad­way.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheel­chair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance.

–F train

Girl: If I hear an­oth­er show tune out of con­text I think I’m go­ing to vom­it. Phys­i­cal­ly vom­it. You know that feel­ing?
Guy: Uh, no.

–42nd be­tween 9th & 10th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get a Hobon­er

Hobo: I am home­less and ashy. Can any­one spare some lo­tion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Over­heard by: SBro­to

Hobo: If looks could kill I’d be dead. Kind words don’t hurt no­body. I give sand­wich­es.

–Shut­tle to Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: alan b hutscar

Pan­han­dler, hold­ing top hat over­flow­ing with bills: And take your news­pa­pers and per­son­al be­long­ings with you, I got com­pa­ny comin’ over tonight!

–4 Train

Over­heard by: An­tho­ny Lo­D­u­ca

Hobo: You think any­one ever went to Har­vard and for­got about it?

–Cen­tral Park

Hobo, near no trip­ping haz­ards or holes: Watch your step! Don’t fall! Look where you’re go­ing! Don’t fall down!

–4th & Broad­way

Singing hobo: I’m gonna be on Broad­way! You’re all in­vit­ed! I don’t care what you look like. Even you! (points to ran­dom man)

–1 Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Swept Away in Mass­es Of Hu­man­i­ty

Tourist: Hey look, it’s 42nd Street! They named it af­ter a Broad­way show.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Re­al­ly? RE­AL­LY!?!

Tourist dad, as shut­tle to Grand Cen­tral comes in: No! We need to take the pur­ple to Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion, then the green!

–Times Square Shut­tle Plat­form

Over­heard by: D‑Law

Male tourist, watch­ing stranger pro­pose un­der­neath Christ­mas tree: Hey bud­dy, did you go to Jared?

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

South­ern tourist la­dy, as sub­way stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!

–F Train

Over­heard by: Matt

South­ern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the stat­ues.

–The Clois­ters, Harlem

Over­heard by: [email protected]

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have a Two-Drink Min­i­mum

Fly­er guy: Smile, you’re on Broad­way! (singing) You’re nev­er ful­ly dressed…when you’re naked! (stops singing) So come to New York’s best im­pro­vi­sa­tion­al com­e­dy club! Be there, or be some­place else!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: gregums­da­greg­gy

An­noy­ing man out­side com­e­dy club, to passer­by: Do you like stand-up com­e­dy? (passer­by ig­nores him keeps walk­ing) Do you like free al­co­hol? (passer­by keeps walk­ing) Do you like ig­nor­ing me? (passer­by turns head and nods)

–Broad­way

Over­heard by: Wo­jo

Com­e­dy show tick­et sales­man to cou­ple: So, what are you two do­ing tonight…besides each oth­er?

–Broad­way & 49th St

Over­heard by: Theo

Tick­et guy to walk­ing cou­ple: Do you like com­e­dy or do you just do each oth­er? Maybe that’s all you need.

–51st & 8th

Over­heard by: Par­ty­ByNight

Street ven­dor: Want to see a com­e­dy show for $10? Free drinks! Cheap­er than crack co­caine!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: grad­stu­dent

Com­e­dy club fly­er guy: Blah, blah, blah, take my fly­er!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: No fly­er, but props for the de­liv­ery