Archive for the ‘Brooklyn’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go for the Jugu­lar

Slut­ty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shit­ting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Sta­di­um

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: jax

Chick laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleed­ing from his eye sock­ets and shit. (pause) So you wan­na meet up lat­er?

–Willough­by & Van­der­bilt

Be a Good Sport, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Con­duc­tor, on loud­speak­er: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watch­ing the Su­per Bowl on­ly for the com­mer­cials. The Gi­ants are go­ing to be so far ahead of… the oth­er team… it’ll be a bor­ing game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the com­mer­cials are go­ing to be great!

–A train

Over­heard by: love this con­duc­tor!

Blind hobo to no one: You know why black bas­ket­ball play­ers are bet­ter than white ones? Be­cause Je­sus was black, so they’re like Je­sus!

–1 train

Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Su­per Bowl! Su­per bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Su­per Bowl’? Did­n’t you ever think about how stu­pid that is?!

–F train, 4th Ave

Over­heard by: There­sa

Eight-year-old boy: You can’t have a Cow­boys game with­out the cheer­lead­ers. There go half the male tick­et hold­ers.

–Prospect Park, Brook­lyn

Guy who is clear­ly not Eli Man­ning: What do I do? My name is Eli Man­ning, and I play for the New York Gi­ants.

–Up­per West Side

Guy ran­dom­ly wipes out on the side­walk, flat on his stom­ach with arms stretched out in front of him. Every­one stares.

Near­by cop: Safe!

–Out­side Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ba­nana­phone

Wheres­day One-Lin­ers

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Cen­tral!

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Guy on Side­kick to an­oth­er: I was­n’t sure if he was talk­ing about Buf­fa­lo or Bal­ti­more! I mean, I don’t even know where Buf­fa­lo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sob­bing on cell: You don’t un­der­stand! They told me I was sup­posed to go to Penn Sta­tion but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: queenof­s­cots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it–why go all the way to Ire­land if you’re not go­ing to go see Stone­henge?

–Cost­co, Brook­lyn

Girl­friend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Over­heard by: Spe­cial K

Wednes­day Undie-Lin­ers

Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my un­der­wear!

–Wine Store, 75th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Raven

10-year-old to lit­tle broth­er: Hey! C’mere! You wan­na play Cap­tain Un­der­pants?

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: dog­boy

Guy on cell: I’m not pay­ing her to smell your un­der­wear!

–57th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Lagsa­lot

Loud old­er gen­tle­man watch­ing peo­ple at sub­way en­trance: They don’t wear brassieres any­more!

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Zom­bie Boyfriend

Old­er la­dy in fu­ner­al pro­ces­sion be­hind bag piper wear­ing kilt: I looked. He’s wear­ing un­der­pants.

–120th & Broad­way

Come on In– The Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is Fine!

20-some­thing chick: Sea cap­tains do­ing ta­ble-ser­vice is nev­er okay.

–A Train

Over­heard by: La­dle

La­dy on Blue­tooth: Well, if you prove to every­one that your vagi­na is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!

–Brook­lyn

Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the life­guard ap­pli­ca­tion. (paus­es, then ut­ter­ly be­wil­dered) I need to know how to swim!

–Up­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: tothe­world

Loud woman on es­ca­la­tor: No, you don’t get it. When you’re un­der wa­ter, you’re not wet.

–Queens Cen­ter Mall

Over­heard by: Burn­ing Ve­g­an

Mid­dle-aged man watch­ing sev­en-year old swim­ming deft­ly in shal­low end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can dri­ve. Can you? My feet can touch the bot­tom. Can yours?

–CUNY Swim Class

Over­heard by: obyun