Archive for the ‘Brooklyn College’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Breathe through Their Noses

Black girl on blue­tooth head­set: You want every­one to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want every­one to suck yo dick!

–W. 59th & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: Alexan­dra

Twelve-year-old gui­do, near tears, dou­bled over in the street scream­ing on his cell phone: You sucked Char­lie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Char­lie’s dick last night, you blow job!

–Brook­lyn

20 some­thing blonde on cell: … Is that nor­mal? [Pause.] No, it’s dif­fer­ent every time, like it al­most dis­ap­pears… Then an­oth­er time its all swing­ing and shit… Is that nor­mal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mum­bles.]

–LIRR

Man­ag­er to em­ploy­ee: You are a cock guz­zling thun­der­cunt!

–Chelsea

Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.

–16th & 9th

Woman: Short of blow­ing him in Mo­Ma, I re­al­ly don’t know how to get his at­ten­tion.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Why Mo­Ma?

Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednes­day One-Lin­ers?

Lit­tle girl, run­ning along plat­form: Mom­my! Mom­my! Slow down! Mom­my, it smells like pe­nis in here!

–Grand Cen­tral

Girl to an­oth­er: Do you have a hand wipe? I to­tal­ly smell like rape right now.

–44th St & Broad­way

Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, “what like, ass­hole?”

–59th St & Lex­ing­ton

Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?

–Brook­lyn Col­lege

Hobo on over­crowd­ed train: Ladies and gen­tle­men, my name is Home­less Ed, and I am home­less, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some de­odor­ant, it would be great­ly ap­pre­ci­at­ed.

–Down­town A Train

Over­heard by: christo­pher james

Fe­male grad stu­dent on cell: Have you ever done the in­ter-bor­ough walk of shame smelling like pe­nis?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Con­duc­tor: This is East Broad­way sta­tion, and some­thing smells yum­my.

–F Train

“That’sa Spicy Wednes­day One-Lin­er!”

Drunk guy, mat­ter-of-fact­ly: Every­one comes in here and thinks they’re smelling pot, when re­al­ly they’re just smelling Ital­ians.

–Ham­mer­stein Ball­room Men’s Room

Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eat­en mac­a­roni. Does that count as Ital­ian?

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Kay­la Mon­et­ta

Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, “you smell like Ital­ian.”

–E 10th & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: molina1230

Loud brides­maid at Gui­do wed­ding: I’m Si­cil­ian from the waist up, Amer­i­can from the waist down.

–Brook­lyn Botan­ic Gar­den

Col­lege guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they start­ed eat­ing. Ital­ian feasts are pornog­ra­phy. Ital­ian food is il­lic­it sex to the pu­ri­tans. Every­thing the pu­ri­tans eat is bland and brown.

–Brook­lyn Col­lege

Mid­dle-aged, pot-bel­lied guy with a long pony-tail, stop­ping young woman on the street: Ex­cuse me, but I just want to say, once you’ve had Ital­ian food, you’re not hun­gry for any­thing else. I just ate a cal­zone and now I’m go­ing to go home and just go to sleep!

–8th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Not hun­gry ei­ther

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Sound Kin­da Non‑U

Stu­dent: Yeah, some­one who plays the cel­lo is a cel­list, some­one who makes art is an artist, and some­one who writes po­et­ry is a poist.

–Hunter Col­lege High School

Heav­i­ly ac­cent­ed Asian cashier to heav­i­ly ac­cent­ed Asian cowork­er: What!? Spea­ka Eng­lish, por fa­vor.

–J2 Deli, W 18th St

Over­heard by: nick m

Bim­bo look­ing at score­board: I think the “e” stands for “ex­qual­i­fi­ca­tions” You know, for when a play­er is “ex­qual­i­fied”.

–Yan­kees Sta­di­um

La­dy: I know what I am, he ain’t gonna la­belize me.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Re­al es­tate agent: And all the door­men and ser­vice staff are East­er Eu­ro­pean.

–Park Av­enue

Over­heard by: Look­ing for an apart­ment

Ghet­to col­lege girl: I’ll talk to you lat­er, I gots to get my learn on, girl.

–Brook­lyn Col­lege

Over­heard by: Corey