Dude: Sorry, I can’t come tonight. I gotta get to work.
Shaggy guy: Wait, you work in the bathroom?
Dude: Yeah. Sorry.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Barbie
Archive for the ‘Brooklyn College’ Category
Isn’t It One of the Words on the Statue Of Liberty?
Student: I tried to write my Spanish essay but I don’t know how to say “bitch” in Spanish.
Professor: You live in New York and you don’t even know that?
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Guy
If This Is Your Guy, Dump Him Now
Guy #1: Where’s your girl?
Guy #2: She’s at a fuckin’ buffet. She’s eating at a buffet, the fat fuck.
–Brooklyn College
Wednesday One-Liners Breathe through Their Noses
Black girl on bluetooth headset: You want everyone to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want everyone to suck yo dick!
–W. 59th & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Alexandra
Twelve-year-old guido, near tears, doubled over in the street screaming on his cell phone: You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job!
–Brooklyn
20 something blonde on cell: … Is that normal? [Pause.] No, it’s different every time, like it almost disappears… Then another time its all swinging and shit… Is that normal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mumbles.]
–LIRR
Manager to employee: You are a cock guzzling thundercunt!
–Chelsea
Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.
–16th & 9th
Woman: Short of blowing him in MoMa, I really don’t know how to get his attention.
–A Train
Overheard by: Why MoMa?
How About a Man Touching You While Talking in the Third Person?
Instructor: Mr. Hispanic man, talk to me. How do you like touching?
Student: I love it.
Instructor: How about a man touching you?
Student: Even better.
–Brooklyn College classroom
Overheard by: dp
Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?
Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!
–Grand Central
Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.
–44th St & Broadway
Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, “what like, asshole?”
–59th St & Lexington
Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?
–Brooklyn College
Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: christopher james
Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.
–F Train
…So You Can Do It All Over Again Next Year!
Heavyset guy: You should be out there with a camera, I’ll be streaking.
Disgusted girl: I hope they withhold your degree.
–Whitehead Hall, Brooklyn College
“That’sa Spicy Wednesday One-Liner!”
Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they’re smelling pot, when really they’re just smelling Italians.
–Hammerstein Ballroom Men’s Room
Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Kayla Monetta
Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, “you smell like Italian.”
–E 10th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: molina1230
Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I’m Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.
–Brooklyn College
Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you’ve had Italian food, you’re not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I’m going to go home and just go to sleep!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Not hungry either
Fred Schneider Found It
Chick: Professor, Dr. Roberts is looking for you.
Professor lady: No, she’s looking for the lobster.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Procrastinatrix
Wednesday One-Liners Sound Kinda Non‑U
Student: Yeah, someone who plays the cello is a cellist, someone who makes art is an artist, and someone who writes poetry is a poist.
–Hunter College High School
Heavily accented Asian cashier to heavily accented Asian coworker: What!? Speaka English, por favor.
–J2 Deli, W 18th St
Overheard by: nick m
Bimbo looking at scoreboard: I think the “e” stands for “exqualifications” You know, for when a player is “exqualified”.
–Yankees Stadium
Lady: I know what I am, he ain’t gonna labelize me.
–Washington Square Park
Real estate agent: And all the doormen and service staff are Easter European.
–Park Avenue
Overheard by: Looking for an apartment
Ghetto college girl: I’ll talk to you later, I gots to get my learn on, girl.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Corey
