Archive for the ‘Brooklyn’ Category

With This ‘Ring’, I Thee Wed…

Guy: So how come we can’t try butt loving?
Girl: I’m saving it for my husband.
Guy: Are you serious? That’s like so…Victorian of you.

–Soda Bar, Vanderbilt Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: axamendes

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” – Faith
· “And Calling It ‘Butt Loving’ Isn’t?” – Ante K
· “Gives New Meaning to ‘Do You Have Price Albert in the Can?'” – Lydia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wedding'” – clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My Ankles as I Give You a Rim Job” – sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Reader, I Butt Loved Him.'” – Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” – Karlikitten
· “Next, on the History Channel: Felching During the Reign of King Richard” – Matt
· “Victorians Were So Anal!” – eighty4sapphire
· “Virginity, Fudged” – Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the Only Thing Left in My Dowry” – ilemanzer

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd

Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–outside The Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped.

–Vertigo, 26th & 3rd

Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella.

–Delancey & Allen

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

She Bought You That Vaginal Ointment You’ve Been Needing!

Lady over loudspeaker: Would a customer named *Amanda please report to checkout ten. *Amanda, please report to checkout ten.
[Pause of about 45 seconds.]Lady over loudspeaker: *Amanda, please report to checkout ten. You mom is here and her back hurts.

–Pathmark-Atlantic Center Brooklyn

Overheard by: Bart Procacci

Also What Freshman Orientation Is Like at Cornell.

Girl #1: Ugh, Brooklyn Tech is so odd. But the kids are mad cool. We're all like demented nerds. It's your typical urban Brooklyn high school, but with super-genius kids. Super-genius kids that ain't right in da head. But ya know, we kick ass.
Girl #2: Damn straight! Dem otha kids got nuthin on us.
Boy: Yo, you guys are whack! No wonder you are here.
Crowd of kids: Word!

–DeKalb Ave

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