Archive for the ‘Brothers’ Category

Lucy and Li­nus En­ter the 21st Cen­tu­ry

Eight-year-old girl to lit­tle broth­er on bike: Hey, ass­hole!
Lit­tle broth­er: What? Are you talk­ing to me?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, you’re an­noy­ing me. You’re pissin’ me off!

–Cen­tral Park

Head­line by: KateNony­mous

Run­ners-Up:
· “And on That Day, Young Travis Bick­le’s Life Took a Turn” — jlp
· “From the Rarely Seen First Episode Of the Don­nie and Marie Show.” — Chris L
· “New York­ers-in-Train­ing” — Oren K
· “Sesame Street Has RE­AL­LY Changed” — Bob
· “When Cindy Mis­took Her Dad’s Pro­tein Shake for a Milk­shake…” — fox

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

The Joy Luck Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

20-some­thing guy on cell: I’m sure she wants to cas­trate me. (pause) Re­mem­ber her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then un­con­trol­lable laugh) I gots the yel­low fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chi­nese broth­er to sis­ter: All Asians get off at this stop. (look­ing out win­dow) See? They’re all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there’s one Eng­lish guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Over­heard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how peo­ple say all Asians look the same? Well, I re­al­ized some­thing to­day. All white peo­ple look the same to me–I hon­est­ly can’t tell them apart!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

20-some­thing Asian girl on cell, in per­fect Amer­i­can Eng­lish: So, I just got wel­comed to Amer­i­ca for the sec­ond time to­day. Are my clothes that… (with dis­gust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Over­heard by: Red­Shikari

For Those of You Who Miss Su­per­mar­ket Sweep

Five-year-old boy, crowd­ed around his moth­ers’ black­ber­ry with younger sis­ters: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1! Mom­my… time’s up!
Moth­er, who had been rush­ing around the sale room with just one item: [Ddis­ap­point­ed] Okay, okay. I guess I’ll just take this one sweater…

–An­thro­polo­gie

Over­heard by: amused shop­per

Wednes­day One-Mi­nors

Sev­en-year-old boy to fa­ther: Did you know that when you get in­to mid­dle school, all the girls care about is whether you’re rich and have a cute ass? In el­e­men­tary school, they on­ly care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.

–Flush­ing, Queens

Over­heard by: Tara

Small boy to teacher in in­creas­ing­ly pan­icky voice: Is this Nar­nia? We’re not Nar­ni­ans yet, right?!

–NYU Kim­mel Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Nar­nia @ NYU?

Five-year-old to three-year-old broth­er: Lis­ten, we’re go­ing to have food all win­ter. It’s hi­ber­na­tion. You know what hi­ber­na­tion is, don’t you? Hi­ber­na­tion is when an­i­mals eat a lot of food and sleep all win­ter. We’re gonna hi­ber­nate!

–M104 Bus

Over­heard by: Saman­tha

Lit­tle kid: Grand­ma, smell this! It’s Ob­ses­sion for Men!

–Bergdorf Good­man

Sob­bing five-year-old girl to mom in CD sec­tion: I wan­na down­load, I don’t wan­na waste my mon­ey.

–Bor­ders, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Can records la­bels sue tod­dlers?

Raise Your Hand If The Biggest Los­er Piss­es You Off

Moth­er: What would you guys want if we get Mc­Don­ald’s? We haven’t had it in so long…
20-some­thing son: We haven’t had it in so long be­cause it’s so fat­ten­ing and gross. Do you know how much fat is in just one of their wraps?
Teenage son: This is not The Biggest Los­er. This is called We’re Get­ting Mc­Don­ald’s.

–Hy­lan Boule­vard, Stat­en Is­land