Archive for the ‘Brothers’ Category

Raise Your Hand If The Biggest Los­er Piss­es You Off

Moth­er: What would you guys want if we get Mc­Don­ald’s? We haven’t had it in so long…
20-some­thing son: We haven’t had it in so long be­cause it’s so fat­ten­ing and gross. Do you know how much fat is in just one of their wraps?
Teenage son: This is not The Biggest Los­er. This is called We’re Get­ting Mc­Don­ald’s.

–Hy­lan Boule­vard, Stat­en Is­land

The Teacher Want­ed to Make It Clear That the Cor­rect Word is ‘Fag­got’

8‑year-old: To­day Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and les­bian! And Steven start­ed to cry!
Old­er sis­ter: Oh. And did you tell them that was­n’t very nice?
8‑year-old: No. The teacher start­ed yelling at them! It was very en­ter­tain­ing. I was ex­cit­ed to be there.

–Coro­na, Queens

Over­heard by: Amy

…It’s Ex­tra-large, Right? I Don’t Want To Get Your Her­pes.

[Twen­ty some­thing chick stops in the mid­dle of the store and looks around.]Twenty some­thing dude, who is ob­vi­ous­ly broth­er of twen­ty some­thing chick: What? What are you look­ing for?
Twen­ty some­thing chick: The con­doms.

–Du­ane Reade, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Rich Mintz

Julio, Your Moth­er and I Have Asked You Re­peat­ed­ly to Make All Lo­cal Stops

Lit­tle broth­er, run­ning up street: Look at me — I’m the 4 train!
Old­er broth­er, run­ning next to him: Look at me — I’m the 6 train!
Lit­tle broth­er: Stop run­ning faster than me!
Old­er broth­er: Nuh-uh.
Lit­tle broth­er: Dad! Julio did­n’t stop at 33rd Street!

–31st St, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: five year old kids can fig­ure this out — why can’t tourists?

This Ac­tu­al­ly Makes Me Want to Have Kids

Eight-year-old broth­er speak­ing to four year old broth­er in high pitched witch­es voice: First I’ll burn you to a black crisp in a huge oven, then I’ll start with your flesh…
Four-year-old: What will it taste like?
Eight-year-old broth­er, with­out paus­ing: It will taste like a de­li­cious steak, then I ‘ll eat your teeth and they’ll taste like crack­ers! But your hair, your hair will be com­plete­ly burned off.
Four-year-old: [Gig­gles ma­ni­a­cal­ly.]

–C Train

Over­heard by: nev­er hav­ing kids