Archive for the ‘Brothers’ Category

Raise Your Hand If The Biggest Loser Pisses You Off

Mother: What would you guys want if we get McDonald’s? We haven’t had it in so long…
20-something son: We haven’t had it in so long because it’s so fattening and gross. Do you know how much fat is in just one of their wraps?
Teenage son: This is not The Biggest Loser. This is called We’re Getting McDonald’s.

–Hylan Boulevard, Staten Island

The Teacher Wanted to Make It Clear That the Correct Word is ‘Faggot’

8‑year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn’t very nice?
8‑year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.

–Corona, Queens

Overheard by: Amy

Julio, Your Mother and I Have Asked You Repeatedly to Make All Local Stops

Little brother, running up street: Look at me — I’m the 4 train!
Older brother, running next to him: Look at me — I’m the 6 train!
Little brother: Stop running faster than me!
Older brother: Nuh-uh.
Little brother: Dad! Julio didn’t stop at 33rd Street!

–31st St, Astoria

Overheard by: five year old kids can figure this out — why can’t tourists?

This Actually Makes Me Want to Have Kids

Eight-year-old brother speaking to four year old brother in high pitched witches voice: First I’ll burn you to a black crisp in a huge oven, then I’ll start with your flesh…
Four-year-old: What will it taste like?
Eight-year-old brother, without pausing: It will taste like a delicious steak, then I ‘ll eat your teeth and they’ll taste like crackers! But your hair, your hair will be completely burned off.
Four-year-old: [Giggles maniacally.] 

–C Train

Overheard by: never having kids