Asian tourist: Excuse me. Excuse me!
Guy: Yeah?
Asian tourist, pointing at random building: Is that the Empire State Building?!
Guy: Yes.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Priscilla Perez
Archive for the ‘Bryant Park’ Category
We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away
Exasperated woman on phone: It’s a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?
–Office Building, 32nd & 7th
Overheard by: erkala
Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!
–Toys R’ Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.
–Canal Street
Hobo: But I don’t want to love my breasts!
–Ave B
Man on cell: So you’re coming to New York? That’s good. I called your mother, she said you’re staying with some girl with big tits tonight.
–West 4th Street
Guy to another, while at lunch: I don’t care if you think I live too fast and I’ll be dead at 45. At least I’ll die with a tittie in my mouth!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: sal b
…So, How Much Do You Weigh?
Eccentric-looking older man: What are you?
20-something girl: Portuguese.
Eccentric-looking older man: Portuguese? They’re good people. They mind their own business.
20-something girl: Yeah?
Eccentric-looking older man: Yeah, not like the Jews!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Christina
My Slow Suicide Diet Is Just Too Tasty Not to Share
Suit #1: I want to make Hasidics eat bacon cheeseburgers with a glass of milk.
Suit #2: Kill yourself.
–38th & 5th
Overheard by: Andrew Z
That Makes 14th Street the Mason-Dixon
Girl: I’m going to have a boring weekend. I’m not really doing anything except one of my friends is guest bartending at this bar Coda on 34th street so I’m going to that.
Guy #1: I think I’ve been there.
Guy #2: Is that on the North or South side?
Girl: Oh I haven’t lived in New York to learn the New York lingo.
Guy #2: Well, there’s a North side and a South side of the street.
–43rd & 5th
Way to Use Your Noodle!
Old man looking around and spotting banner for pasta store: Paaaasssttttaaaaaa…
Old man’s wife, happily: Pasta! That says pasta!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: I prefer pizza
Fully Automatic Water-Cooled Assault Wednesday One-Liners
Four-year-old boy: I have gun! Gun, gun, gun, gun, gun!
–Gate, Newark Airport
Overheard by: minkey
Man on phone: Yo! The last time I saw that nigga I shot at that nigga!
–43rd & 7th
Overheard by: Alex
Guy with facial piercings: My mom’s such a bitch. She’s like, ‘I don’t want any guns or drugs in the house!’ and I was like, ‘Fuck you, Mom!’
–Penn Station
Woman on cell: Kings County is the best hospital to go to if you get shot in New York.
–14th & Union Square
Overheard by: Mole
Thug kid to thug friends: I don’t do shootings. And besides, this is my stop.
–7 train, Queens
Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair
Who Says College Doesn’t Prepare You for the Real World?
Frat boy: If you press your thumb hard in the middle of your forehead it stops your gag reflex for a minute.
Girl: Uhhh how do you know that?
Frat boy: I learned it at my frat, you can swallow a whole banana!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: JC
That’s Britney’s Plan
Fat hipster: Yeah, then I would get fat and evil.
Skinny punkster: True, but that’s how you get laid.
–Bryant Park
While You’re Still Paying for All That Unprotected Sex
Brunette sister: Ally did turn into a slut in college!
Blonde sister: She’s our sister!
Brunette sister: She’s getting more than we did in college! Although I got more than you.
Blonde sister: Yeah, probably. I’m paying for the lattes.
–Starbucks, Bryant Park
