Guy: That’s a really old graveyard. They have tombstones going back to the 1600s.
Girl: I dont understand. How is that possible?
Guy: It’s an old church. People were buried there a long time ago.
Girl: Yeah, but wasn’t our country made around the 1770s?
Guy: Yes, but there were colonists here from France, England and Spain before that.
Girl: So they brought their dead relatives over here to bury them?
–Trinity Church
Overheard by: Jonathan Bloom
MTA guy: So, I was like just hoppin’ outta the shower feeling all Irish Spring fresh and shit and I come into the living room and Shawny is sitting on the fucking couch. I was like, “Yo, Shawny…get off the couch!” He looked at me and growled and I was like, “So that’s how it is?” I went and got a pair of gloves and a wiffle ball bat, came back in and was like, whack, and the little bitch totally chomped onto my leg and shit. I dragged him like that into the kitchen and sprayed into his mouth with Lysol and he hid under the kitchen table. Somebody gotta be the master in the house, yo.
–N train
Teen #1: Can I have a piece of gum? My mouth tastes weird.
Teen #2: Dude, you can’t eat Jesus and expect it to taste good.
–Cathedral of St. John the Divine
Overheard by: Piously laughing
Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don’t ruin it.
–Gourmet Garage
Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.
–NBC Studios
Overheard by: Tracy
Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!
–Central Park
Overheard by: chellie
Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don’t start behavin’ I’m gonna send you in for the new model!
–R Train
Overheard by: Kait
Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don’t do that! You gonna get germs! Yo’ hand gonna fall off!
–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp
Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he’s stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.
–East Village
Mom holding little boy’s hand: Forget everything you’ve seen today.
–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today
Ugly guy: Yeah, we broke up because it just didn’t work out between us. We had too many differences.
Pretty girl: I’m sorry to hear that. How long has it been?
Ugly guy: Years, so I’m over it. Well, we were swingers so it got complicated. Well, — I was a swinger. She wasn’t.
Pretty girl: Ummm… (stares at wall) Great elevator conversation!
–Elevator, Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they’re called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.“
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they’re called
Guy: You bought your boyfriend swords?
Girl: We had just started going out.
–NY Comic Con, Javits Center
Overheard by: Kevin Frost
(hipster walks in wearing bright turquoise unicorn hat)
Professor: Are you pledging something?
Hipster: No, I am a unicorn.
–NYU Silver Building
Overheard by: sarah
Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Poogins
Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is “Desperate Housewives” on?!
–10th Street & 3rd Ave
Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: “I wanna forget you!” I was like: “Whaaaaaat? For real?” It was crazy, you gotta catch it!
–Times Square Office Building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Redhead: The “Brady Bunch” world is a world without urges.
–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.
–On the Bus
Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: “I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van.”
–15th between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Disunionsquare
Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]
–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square
Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I’m sorry that I couldn’t pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.
–Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway
Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I’m getting on the subway now.
–Park Place & Church Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Female suit on cell: Well, I can’t talk long, I’m about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: pop pop
Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don’t lie! Don’t lie! Don’t lie!
–Ikea, Redhook
Overheard by: Emily B.
Annoying anchor: I’m writing a newscast. I don’t have time to check facts.
–CBS News Headquarters, 57th St
Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist