Archive for the ‘Bus’ Category

Wednes­day Hold-on-There’s-Some­one-on-the-Oth­er-Lin­ers

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aun­t’s house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Over­heard by: Vic­to­ria Taraso­va

Dude on cell: No, it’s okay, my cell­phone is at­tached to my hand. It’s part of my hand!

–Restau­rant Bath­room, 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snot­ti­ly: No wait, wait… Is it full be­cause you keep leav­ing them for me and I nev­er both­er to lis­ten? (pause) Voice­mail is a dead tech­nol­o­gy, dad.

–Bus

Over­heard by: liz

Woman on crutch­es: Peo­ple think I’m talk­ing on one of those Blue­tooth-head­phone-cell phones. Nah. I’m just talk­ing to my­self. Pfft! I ain’t got no cell phone! I just talk to my­self! That’s right!

–Food Stamp Of­fice, 14th St

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca Schrein­er

African Amer­i­can man on cell: I got­ta go. I got Richard Sim­mons on the oth­er line.

–30th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: mike v

Could You Re­mind Me How to Breathe?

Hip In­di­an chick #1: We should to­tal­ly go to Ra­j’s par­ty to­mor­row night.
Hip In­di­an chick #2: Oh my god, we to­tal­ly should! Ex­cept it’s in Brook­lyn. Like, how would we even get there? Are there like, bridges or some­thing?
Hip In­di­an chick #1: You’re kid­ding, right?
Hip In­di­an chick #2, laugh­ing: Wow! I am so one of those peo­ple who are like to­tal ge­nius­es but al­ways for­get like, re­al­ly ba­sic stuff.
Hip In­di­an chick #1: Umm, yeah. To­tal­ly.

–M14D Bus

Over­heard by: Cody

I Did­n’t Know I Was Wednes­day One-Linered

Smok­ing man to an­oth­er: I’ve heard be­ing preg­nant is re­al­ly bad for your health.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: CS

Large black woman: An’ I been tellin’ him I got all these ideas for t‑shirts… Like one for a preg­nant la­dy that says “Con­grat­u­la­tions, you’re not the dad­dy!”

–BX12 Bus

Over­heard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you’re preg­nant? You’re preg­nant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he did­n’t come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let’s go get preg­nant!

–San­tos Par­ty House, Lafayette St

Over­heard by: al­isa

Over­heard in Wednes­day One-Lin­er

20-some­thing dude to an­oth­er: It’s so hard to get laid in this city be­fore 11 pm!

–M‑15 Bus

Hot­tie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white per­son.

–28th & 29th

Over­heard by: A black per­son from Chica­go

20-some­thing male to fe­male: So you’d bet­ter be pre­pared. It’s like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Over­heard by: An­nie B

Mid­dle-aged His­pan­ic dude to In­di­an sales­per­son: This is New York City. No­body’s gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That’s what I hate about New York City. It’s such a fuck­ing small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: molls

For Emi­ly, Wher­ev­er This Quote May Find Her

Guy on cell talk­ing loud­ly: Where the fuck are you, Emi­ly? (pause) Are you shop­ping? Don’t lie to me, Emi­ly! I will come over there and fuck­ing beat the dogshit out of you. (pause) I don’t care if I go to jail, it will be worth it to slap your ly­ing ass around. (pause) You don’t buy me shit, Emi­ly. Do you buy me my un­der­wear? No! Do you buy me socks? No! I do. What about all those purs­es and shoes you have? Me!
Ran­dom Do­mini­can teenage girl: Damn, Emi­ly re­al­ly don’t buy him noth­ing.

–Lucky Star Bus

Over­heard by: chi­na­town bus trav­el­er

And Wednes­day Said, “Let There Be One-Lin­ers.”

Guy on cell: Sup­pose there is no god. (pause) Hel­lo? Can you hear me? Sup­pose there is no god. (pause) Hel­lo? Hel­lo? Can you hear me?

–Bus

Over­heard by: Is God try­ing to tell you some­thing?

In­tense man, grasp­ing wom­an’s shoul­ders: God want­ed me to, and I was ready to.

–Near River­side Church, Morn­ing­side Heights

Over­heard by: I wish I knew more

Guy, in awed tones, hear­ing “Le nozze di Fi­garo” through open win­dow: It’s like the voice of God…

–The Bronx

Over­heard by: ground floor mu­sic lover

Crazy man: There is on­ly one God. There is on­ly one re­al deal. I can’t af­ford sex any­more.

–Out­side Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: That took a turn

Fe­cal Co­l­iform Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Bird­seed don’t know shit about shit!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

An­nounc­er: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonko­ma is now board­ing on track eigh­teen. Shit…

–LIRR ter­mi­nal, Penn Sta­tion

Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer el­e­va­tor than we do! Shit.

–7th & 2nd

Over­heard by: BJ

Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!

–NYU din­ing hall

Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daugh­ter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mom­my.

–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus

Over­heard by: Robert

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers! They’re Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheer­ful­ly, to sev­en-year-old daugh­ter: There’s on­ly one Lind­say Lo­han!

–Down­town 1 train

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Jew­ish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done peo­ple tell me I look like Amy Wine­house?

–116th St & Broad­way

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Over­heard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larg­er re­porter: I’m not go­ing to save clothes that fit me be­fore I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I’m go­ing to buy some new damn clothes. I don’t want to wear stuff from 1987. I’ll look stu­pid, I’ll look like Mis­cha Bar­ton.

–Mid­town Of­fice

Over­heard by: you wont be mis­cha’s size

Hip­ster girl to friend: I mean, I re­al­ly like him… But he thinks Riv­er Phoenix is a place.

–East Vil­lage