Archive for the ‘Business and Commerce’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call Them­selves “Pub­li­cists”

An­nounc­er dude: Peo­ple, get the Au­dio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there think­ing, ‘I should have lis­tened to that hand­some, well-spo­ken man down­stairs.’ You’ll be beat­ing your­self for not buy­ing the Au­dio Guide. And I don’t need that on my con­science.

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: George Carsto­cea

Dai­ly News hawk­er: Sign up here for your free sub­scrip­tion to the Dai­ly News! [Mut­ter­ing] We’ll screw you lat­er.

–Out­side Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Mrs. Met

Guy sell­ing com­e­dy show tick­ets: Come on, have a tick­et. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your My­Space page!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Punkgr­rl

Top of the Rock pro­mot­er guy: Yeah, it’s sup­posed to be, like, the best view or what­ev­er of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fel­low pro­mot­er] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Fly­er dude: See the naked cow­boy on stage! Suck­ing cock!

–46th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

Guy sell­ing news­pa­pers: New York Post here! Dai­ly News here! [He’s ig­nored.] New York Post here! Dai­ly News! [Still ig­nored.] George Bush wins the lot­tery! [Still ig­nored.]

–33rd & 7th

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Peo­ple, you got­ta come tonight, be­cause if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Thank God for Their Pig­gy Banks

Lit­tle boy,jumping up and down: The Dow Jones is up! The Dow Jones is up!

–86th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Some Ran­dom Girl

Crazy man, shout­ing at no one in par­tic­u­lar: Fuck the econ­o­my, your ass­hole just dropped 200 points!

–8th Ave & 19th St

Slack­er on a smoke break: Yeah, Mc­Cain said he is go­ing to sus­pend his cam­paign so that he can work on the econ­o­my. I mean, re­al­ly. It would be like me say­ing I’m sus­pend­ing my pot dis­tri­b­u­tion so that I can work on quan­tum physics.

–For­est Ave., Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: po­lit­i­cal lis­ten­er

Hobo on sub­way to man in suit: Spare change? Any­one? Spare change for the home­less? You look like you worked for Lehman Broth­ers, you’re ex­cused.

–51st St

Over­heard by: Kate

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, the Play

British guy: Two tick­ets to Grand Cen­tral, please.

–Bowl­ing Green sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kirsten Teas­dale

Woman on cell: I’m not go­ing to punch her in the mouth, Dan­ny.

–Grand Cen­tral sta­tion

Suit: You’re ru­in­ing my life, you pot-smok­ing whore!

–34th & Broad­way

Wednes­day XXX-lin­ers

Man on cell: Yeah, I got girls who can do that…That too. You just call me back in an hour, I’ll be at the house…I know you make high-qual­i­ty adult pro­duc­tions, you’re the kind of man I want to be work­ing with…No, the girls talk through me…I got this one girl, very high qual­i­ty, based in Ore­gon, she was in Las Ve­gas last week, she’ll do what­ev­er you ask…

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

What Do You Want? I’m from New York

Stu­dent: Well, like, trick­le down eco­nom­ics works on a small scale.
TA: In what cir­cum­stances do you mean?
Stu­dent: Well, like, in third world coun­tries… You give a fam­i­ly a cow, or you can give them two cows, and then they watch them mate and they sell their milk.
TA: [Si­lence.]

–NYU class­room, 13th & 4th

They Re­sist Scratch­es As You’d Re­sist a 350-Pound Rapist on Meth, For Ex­am­ple

Cus­tomer: Look, see, there’s two scratch­es right there.
Op­ti­cian: Those two? OK, now you’re be­ing picky.
Cus­tomer: Picky?! I’m sor­ry that I set my ex­pec­ta­tions above your abil­i­ty to pro­vide me with scratch-re­sis­tant lens­es with­out scratch­es in them.

–Eyes on the Slope, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Hmm..maybe Lens Crafters