Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Cabbies’ Category

Mis­souri or Kansas?

Cop to cab­bie: Hur­ry up, you Ara­bi­an fuck! Dum­b­ass tow­el-heads…
Tourist mom: Do you have to use that lan­guage? There are chil­dren present.
Cop: La­dy, shut up. This is New York — ei­ther get with it or get out.
Tourist mom: This nev­er would have hap­pened back in Kansas City.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

That’s Deep, Dude

Cab­bie: So, uh, you hear about the dou­ble team? The, uh, De­moc­rats?
Pas­sen­ger: Oh, so De­moc­rats got the Sen­ate, too?
Cab­bie: Yes! It’s like a twelve-inch pe­nis!

–North­bound 1st Ave from De­lancey

Over­heard by: dumb­struck pas­sen­gers

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Dim­mer Than a Flint­stones Night Light

Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stu­pid.

–The Flame Din­er, 58th St & 9th Ave

Woman to man: But they were on­ly stop­ping the dum­b­ass­es… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.

–W 66th St & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Over­heard by: Su­san Vol­chok

(Blonde is hav­ing trou­ble hail­ing cab dur­ing rush hour)
Gyp­sy cab dri­ver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stu­pid!

–116th & Broad­way

20-some­thing guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stu­pid you are.

–4th St Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Glad I’m not dat­ing him

Girl: Alex­is, we’ve been over this. You’re stu­pid.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Cros­by

Bim­bette, yelling in­to cell: Yo! Look who you’re talk­ing to–I’m not ex­act­ly the smartest per­son in the world!

–Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Over­heard by: dumb as a rock

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hang Weird Shit on Their Mir­rors

Cab dri­ver, get­ting cut off: Yeah, dri­ve like you want that cheese­burg­er!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Cab­bie: I got in some trou­ble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I nev­er re­al­ized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets bet­ter than my own clos­et! (laughs)

–Cab, Broad­way & Hous­ton

Cab dri­ver to col­league who just honked af­ter he stopped for a pedes­tri­an: What, you want me to kill him?

–Bat­tery Park

Mid­dle East­ern cab dri­ver: I used to have a video store in Wash­ing­ton Heights. But the black bas­tard put me out of busi­ness! Can you be­lieve it? Af­ter ten years the black bas­tard put me out of busi­ness! Do you now the black bas­tard on Dy­ck­man? C’­mon! Every­body knows the back bas­tard! Black bas­tard! Black bas­tard video!

–Cab, Wash­ing­ton Heights

Over­heard by: Gene Gray

Cab dri­ver: When you dri­ve for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of dri­vers are, how do you say it…stupid.

–Queens

Over­heard by: Fi­as­co

Where They Make Us Take a Re­fresh­er Course on Eth­nic Stereo­types Bian­nu­al­ly

Mus­cu­lar mook with sweet trib­al tat­too, dri­ving Toy­ota Tun­dra, yelling on cell: Some­one stole my fuck­ing knap­sack! It had my fuck­ing Mer­ril­l’s. My Sper­ry’s. If I see some­one wear­ing Sper­ry’s, I will fuck­ing crush them.
Tajik­istani cab dri­ver: That is the bad kind of Ital­ian. I should know, I live in Bay Ridge.

–53rd & 9th Ave

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Aren’t That Kind Of Street­walk­er

Po­lice of­fi­cer to taxi dri­ver: If you just hit one, the rest will scat­ter.

–Her­ald Square

Guy to girl, push­ing her in­to the street: An­na ver­sus car, who will win?

–E Hous­ton & Ave D

Over­heard by: ha­ha

Tourist to New York­er: You’re not sup­posed to jay­walk!

–Her­ald Square

Chick to an­oth­er: We did­n’t get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time.

–7th & 23rd

Over­heard by: Stormy

Guy with stroller to pass­ing car: You hit my ba­by, I’ll take your car!

–Ford­ham & Hoff­man

Over­heard by: sromeo

Cross­ing guard, watch­ing pedes­tri­an cross in a hur­ry: My mon­ey’s on the bus!

–Low­er Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: Steve