Archive for the ‘Catholics’ Category

Where Uni­tar­i­ans Come From

Gen­tile #1: I’m think­ing he looks more like a rab­bi. Can’t you just pic­ture the yarmulke on his head?
Gen­tile #2: Drei­del, drei­del, drei­del, I made you out of wood.
Gen­tile #1: Clay!
Gen­tile #2: Clay? Oh, it is clay… see, that’s what makes me not Jew­ish.
Gen­tile #1: Be­lieve it or not, in Catholic school dur­ing Hanukkah they had us play drei­del games and eat latkes and stuff.
Gen­tile #2: That’s very weird.
Gen­tile #1: Hey, it was bet­ter than read­ing the Bible.
Gen­tile #2: Touché.

–New School for So­cial Re­search

And if he Was in him, That Would be Swiss.

Pol­ish girl #1: Was that the Car­di­nal over there?
Pol­ish girl #2: No. The Car­di­nal wears red.
Pol­ish guy: Oh man! If the Pope was on top of the Car­di­nal, that would be so Pol­ish!
Pol­ish girls: …
Pol­ish guy: No! I mean, like the flag!

–Pu­las­ki Day Pa­rade, 5th Ave & 52nd St

Over­heard by: J. G. Lap­in­s­ki

Pri­vate Schools: The Dif­fer­ence is Clear?

Catholic School boy #1: Man, I can call a bitch a bitch if I wan­na call her a bitch.
Catholic School girl: Nah, you can’t call a girl a bitch. It’s of­fen­sive, stu­p­idass.
Catholic School boy #2: Yeah man, I don’t call ’em bitch no more. Now, I call ’em broads.
Catholic School boy #1: Nah, I ain’t call­in’ you a bitch cause you bitchin’. I’m call­ing you a bitch cause that’s just what you call ’em. It’s a col­lo­qui­al­ism.

–6 train

Over­heard by: Ja­cob Feld­man

Christ, He’s Still Not Quite Get­ting It

Man #1: I went to con­fes­sion, to a priest. I un­loaded some pret­ty bad things I done. He was a Je­suit, this priest was. He knew I was feel­ing bad, so he told me not to be hard on my­self, that God loves me no mat­ter what. Then he said God loves all of us, that he loved Hitler just as much as the Blessed Moth­er.
Man #2: That’s some pret­ty heavy shit. I’ll tell you this, if I were that priest I would­n’t say that at a syn­a­gogue.
Man #1: Jeez, I did­n’t think of that.

–Carnegie Deli, 7th Av­enue

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Feel Like a Woman or What­ev­er

Asian girl: A tran­ny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I’m okay.

–Scream­ing MiM­i’s Bou­tique

Over­heard by: Nan­cy

Gay guy, af­ter woman bumps in­to him: Did you just step on my vagi­na?

–A Train

Col­lege boy: So then I woke up and re­al­ized I was next to a tran­ny…

–Man­hat­tan Col­lege

“Girl” sit­ting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.

–Williams­burg

Catholic school girl, car­ry­ing large back­pack, to friend: I’m look­ing for­ward to leav­ing this bath­room a guy. A very ef­fem­i­nate guy, but still a guy.

–Bath­room, Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: In­no­cent Bath­room-go­er