Archive for the ‘Celebrations/Parties’ Category

…But Won’t Your Grandma Be Wearing the Same Thing?

College girl: I have nothing to wear to the party tonight.
College guy: You could wear that thing you wore last night.
College girl: I can’t do that! Plus, it’s a theme party.
College guy: Well, you could wear that naked thing…?
College girl: Do you think I could get away with that?
College guy: Well, it’s lace, so it’s sort of Victorian.

–6 Train

Overheard by: sort of…

Wednesday Puts Its One-Liners on One Leg at a Time

Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.

–33rd St, Astoria

Overheard by: Ferna

Teen to another: Barack Obama said, “pull your pants up!”

–Broadway & 72nd St

NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.

–Weinstein Hall, NYU

Border’s employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.

–Borders

Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that “no pants” party.

–Astoria

You’re Invited to My Circle Jerk

30-something #1: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?
30-something #2: Getting high and masturbating.
30-something #1: Man, married life is great.

–Palladium Gym, NYU

Headline by: Pseudonym

Runners-Up:

· “Because she’s out shopping for a vibrator” — trish

· “He celebrates Palm Sunday the same way” — Kate

· “He’s An Up & Comer” — Rod W

· “Little Johnny took the comeback “If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” a little too seriously.” — Cloud

· “When Harry Met Righty” — Vasyl


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn’t even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it’s my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leaving screening of “I am legend”: Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: hmmm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.

–NJ Transit

Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to “My Sharona”, I was outta there.”

–Chambers & Greenwich

Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy