Archive for the ‘Celebrations/Parties’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: “Is This Thing On?”

PA sys­tem: Leia, please meet your par­ty at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your par­ty at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Be­yond, 18th & 6th

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

An­nounc­er over loud­speak­er: The time is now one am o’­clock!

–Bag­gage Claim, JFK

Over­heard by: Kim­mie

Loud­speak­er an­nounce­ment: At­ten­tion, all late night shop­pers, this is a live an­nounce­ment. I re­peat, this is not a record­ing! Right now, in our deli de­part­ment, ful­ly-cooked chick­ens! Come on over and get your chick­ens! They’re hot! They’re fresh! And they were alive this morn­ing!

–Path­mark, Cropsey Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Sta­cy

An­nounce­ment over loud­speak­er dur­ing class: Hel­lo, I’m sor­ry for the in­ter­rup­tion. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go out­side, they’re about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loud­speak­er: Good af­ter­noon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean “flag foot­ball” will meet in the cafe­te­ria im­me­di­ate­ly fol­low­ing ad­vi­so­ry.

–East Side Com­mu­ni­ty High School

I Pre­fer to Think That He Jumped Out Of a Cake and Yelled “Sur­prise!”

For­eign TA: I don’t un­der­stand why they use the egg for East­er.
Amer­i­can TA: Oh, it does­n’t re­al­ly have any­thing to do with East­er, we just ap­pro­pri­at­ed pa­gan rit­u­als.
For­eign TA: I thought East­er is when Je­sus was re­born.
Amer­i­can TA: It is.
For­eign TA: I thought maybe he was re­born out of an egg.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: MCLD

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Up the Wa­zoo

Guy on cell: Wow! That’s a lot of cook­ies. If I had that many cook­ies, I’d put a cou­ple of them in my ass. (pause). It does­n’t mat­ter, I’ve got the space. I can’t eat that many cook­ies.

–23rd & Lex­ing­ton

Teen girl to teen boy: Un­less you want a 9 mil­lime­ter stuck up your ass­hole.

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Girl on cell: Well, it’s still rec­tal.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

20-some­thing girl to 20-some­thing guy, quite loud­ly: Yeah, but putting a met­al spike up his ass was­n’t ex­act­ly what I had in mind!

–28th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Jar Aaron

20-some­thing woman: Ba­by, I think we’re go­ing to keep the Thanks­giv­ing din­ner out of my ass­hole.

–Herkimer St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: M. Fresh

When We Took Your Wal­let and Di­vid­ed It Up Amongst Us, for In­stance.

Drunk guy in full New Year re­galia: Well, I’m from fuckin’ Penn­syl­va­nia and I nev­er seen any­thing like this! This shit is fan­tas­tic! Woo!
Ir­ri­tat­ed sober woman: Re­al­ly? No one on this train had any idea you weren’t from New York!

–Up­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

But Pos­si­bly Al­so Be­cause I Keep Get­ting Crabs

Barnard girl #1: I was at this par­ty, and there was this guy, but I promised my­self I would stop hook­ing up with strangers.
Barnard girl #2: Right.
Barnard girl #1: But, like, I still don’t un­der­stand why it’s bad to hook up with strangers all the time.
Barnard girl #2: Maybe it’s be­cause you’re, like, us­ing each oth­er’s bod­ies.
Barnard girl #1: Maybe.

–Le Monde Cafe

Over­heard by: this is awk­ward

Could You Re­mind Me How to Breathe?

Hip In­di­an chick #1: We should to­tal­ly go to Ra­j’s par­ty to­mor­row night.
Hip In­di­an chick #2: Oh my god, we to­tal­ly should! Ex­cept it’s in Brook­lyn. Like, how would we even get there? Are there like, bridges or some­thing?
Hip In­di­an chick #1: You’re kid­ding, right?
Hip In­di­an chick #2, laugh­ing: Wow! I am so one of those peo­ple who are like to­tal ge­nius­es but al­ways for­get like, re­al­ly ba­sic stuff.
Hip In­di­an chick #1: Umm, yeah. To­tal­ly.

–M14D Bus

Over­heard by: Cody