Archive for the ‘Celebrities’ Category

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Are a Mat­ter of Opin­ion

Ethan Hawke: Man, every­body’s fat.

–Em­ploy­ees On­ly, Hud­son St

Over­heard by: mol­ly

Guy on cell: But you’re not fat in Amer­i­ca!

–Ozzie’s Cof­fee III, 5th Ave, Park Slope

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers (the King James Ver­sion)

Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then loud­er.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!

–113th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

La­dy on cell: You tell my mom­ma to get her ass to church and stop sin­ning!

–Grand Con­course, 205th St.

Over­heard by: LSB

Black guy to an­oth­er: Go to the Catholic church, crac­ka. They got good drugs.

–11th & A

Mid­dle East­ern man: I be­lieve in Is­lam and Al­lah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop do­ing those things, then I’ll pray.

–C Train

Over­heard by: Mark

Thug: I to­tal­ly in­vent­ed the Chuck Nor­ris re­li­gion.

–Queens Mall

Over­heard by: LSB

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Still Can’t Get Over Joey Pick­ing Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)

Girl on cell: We got Chi­nese ca­ble be­cause it was cheap­er than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve al­ready seen, I don’t need to ac­tu­al­ly know what they’re say­ing.

–N train, As­to­ria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Vic­to­ri­a’s boyfriend late­ly? He looks great. She’s bet­ter than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eck­erd, As­to­ria

Moth­er, to kids: Sor­ry we just missed the fire­works, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St en­trance, FDR

Tourist, af­ter ea­ger­ly strug­gling for cam­era air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it on­ly airs to­day.

–Tap­ing of the To­day Show, Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Stephen and Al­li­son

Girl: Well, to­day they had a woman who was born a man who mar­ried a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Mau­ry Povich!

–New York Pub­lic Li­brary

Over­heard by: Ac­tu­al­ly READ­ING at the Li­brary

Guy: Sweet Six­teen? That show makes me un­der­stand ter­ror­ism.

–114th & Broad­way

Cue the Least Ro­man­tic Song Ever

Thug #1: Kel­ly Bundy’s danc­ing on Broad­way.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheel­chair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance.

–F train

Girl: If I hear an­oth­er show tune out of con­text I think I’m go­ing to vom­it. Phys­i­cal­ly vom­it. You know that feel­ing?
Guy: Uh, no.

–42nd be­tween 9th & 10th