Sorority girl #1 texting on cell: I hate how words can sometimes spell other words.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, I know.
–NYU
Archive for the ‘Cell Phone’ Category
Anything Worth Saying Should Be Abbreviated
Bimbette #1: How do you feel about people who call instead of text message?
Bimbette #2: They make me sad.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Sarah
Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin’ any kinda research inta furries? You’re in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve totally got a cold too! But I’ve also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she’s a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
Morlock v. Eloi: The Prequel
A thugged out girl tests all of her ring tones as loud as possible for a solid minute.
Preppy girl: Are you serious with that? Can you do everyone a favor and stop?
Thug girl: I know you’re not talking to me. You messed with the wrong girl.
Preppy girl: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Your screaming phone made me deaf.
Thug girl: I’ll f her up. But then she’ll call the cops; her people love the cops. Go back to where you came from!
Preppy girl: I’m trying to. That’s why I’m on the train, you stupid bitch. Look, you got a new cell phone and that’s great, but figure it out at home.
Thug girl: I’ll f you up. You’re f‑ing with the wrong girl. Don’t be fooled by the pretty face.
Preppy girl: Pretty face? Where?
–N train
Overheard by: Matty M.
If Anyone Has Insight, Let Him Calculate the Number
Two hobos are passing a bottle.
Woman: You can’t do that! This is a passenger train…The blood of Jesus Christ! You can’t do that; this is a passenger train! You need to find Jesus!…That is the devil’s drink. By the blood of Jesus you need to repent!
Hobo #1: Lady, I am the devil.
Woman: You can’t do that on a passenger train! If I see a police I will have you arrested!
Hobo #2: You wanna borrow my cell phone?
–F train
Wednesday One-Liners Read Body Language
Gangster into cell: Hold your hand up like a antenna, and maybe your budget-ass phone would work.
–E 5th & 2nd Ave
Wednesday Hold-on-There’s-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners
60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt’s house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.
–B4 Bus
Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova
Dude on cell: No, it’s okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It’s part of my hand!
–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.
–Bus
Overheard by: liz
Woman on crutches: People think I’m talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I’m just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain’t got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That’s right!
–Food Stamp Office, 14th St
Overheard by: Erica Schreiner
African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.
–30th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: mike v
Wednesday One-Liners Get Railroaded
Conductor: Check around, make sure you have all of your belongings. If you have small children, make sure you hold onto them. (in haunting tone) Wouldn’t want to see them disappear…into the gap.
–Metro-North Line
Overheard by: Jess
Train conductor on PA: The last car is the quiet car. No cell phones or loud conversations please. If you need to have a conversation, please do so silently.
–Penn Station
Conductress, in monotone: The next stop on this train will be Grand Street, the last stop in the borough…in the borough.…in the borough of Manhattan.
–D Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Conductor on PA: The next stop will be 51st Street. All of you lookin’ for the local train on the other platform: hey yo! We over here!
–14th Street Station
MTA conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train will be out of commission, uh…right now. Get out!
–MetroNorth Train
Overheard by: Kellin
Train conductor: Ladies and gentleman, brace for impact. (pause) Nah…just kidding, I could never pull that shit off. Y’all lucky we underground! Have a safe day.
–A Train
Trust Us, Einstein: The Girl’s On To You, See?
Man: I want to change my access code. My girl’s got my access code and I don’t want her to have it no more. I don’t want her seeing my messages, see?
Customer service lady: OK. But that’s a Sprint phone.
Man: So?
Woman: This is the Verizon store.
Man: Oh. Really?
–Verizon, 86th between Lexington & 3rd
Overheard by: Carolyn
Wednesday One-Liners Are Friends With Tom
Geeky boy: I think I’m having trouble meeting people online because my MySpace page is so intimidating.
Goth girls: [Silence.]
–Eileen’s Cheesecake
Girl: Hey, why didn’t you Friendster me on MySpace yet?
–46th & 6th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Girl departing with friend: MySpace-message me when you get your new phone! But I’m sure I’ll see you before then.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: acep
Nerd: So I broke up with her by changing my MySpace status from ‘In a relationship’ to ‘Single.’
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Adrienne
Ghetto boy: Where the fuck has he been? Fuck. I’m going to hunt that nigger down on MySpace.
–Wendy’s, 23rd St
Guido in car full of guidos, taking girl’s picture with cell: Hey, girl! Didn’t I see you on MySpace last night?
–Hughes Ave & Fordham Rd
Overheard by: Greg
Skinny girl on cell: What? I’m sorry! Listen, you asked! That’s what happens when you bend over and you aren’t wearing underwear: your pussy definitely ends up on MySpace.
–65th & Lex
