Archive for the ‘Cell Phone’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Friends With Tom

Geeky boy: I think I’m having trouble meeting people online because my MySpace page is so intimidating.
Goth girls: [Silence.]

–Eileen’s Cheesecake

Girl: Hey, why didn’t you Friendster me on MySpace yet?

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Girl departing with friend: MySpace-message me when you get your new phone! But I’m sure I’ll see you before then.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: acep

Nerd: So I broke up with her by changing my MySpace status from ‘In a relationship’ to ‘Single.’

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Adrienne

Ghetto boy: Where the fuck has he been? Fuck. I’m going to hunt that nigger down on MySpace.

–Wendy’s, 23rd St

Guido in car full of guidos, taking girl’s picture with cell: Hey, girl! Didn’t I see you on MySpace last night?

–Hughes Ave & Fordham Rd

Overheard by: Greg

Skinny girl on cell: What? I’m sorry! Listen, you asked! That’s what happens when you bend over and you aren’t wearing underwear: your pussy definitely ends up on MySpace.

–65th & Lex

He’s More of a Skype Dude

Woman #1: I called him and I called him, and he kept letting it go to voice mail!
Woman #2: Well, maybe he wasn’t there. Or maybe he just didn’t want to talk to you.
Woman #1: But, like, it could’ve been Jesus on the phone! And he wasn’t answering!
Woman #2: Uh, Jesus wouldn’t call on a cell phone.

–M15 bus

Skynet Does Make a Convincing Case

Guy #1: Dude, they should have a phone where you just say 92454.
Guy #2: Man, they already have that.
Guy #1: Yeah, but without numbers.
Guy #2: Stupid.
Guy #1: They should also have a video phone, so you can see who you’re talking to.
Guy #2: They already have that.
Guy #1: Man, technology is good. But it’s also stupid…Technology is going to destroy us.

–1 train

Overheard by: max

Wednesday One-Liners Live Beyond Their Means

Black woman #1, to black woman #2: That’s a real cute phone for a nigger without a job.

–Sprint Store

Overheard by: wigger with a job

Guy: I dunno, if I had that much money, I’d spend it on something else. Like pants made of diamonds…Or hookers made of gold.

–Lafayette & Bond

Overheard by: jayloo

Hobo, to baby in stroller: You’re a fucking moron, kid, wasting all your money on that shit!

–Central Park

Overheard by: PeggyG.

Someone Who’s Willing to Go Beyond “It’s Complicated”

NYU girl to friend: So then he like bitched me out, hardcore, in a text. And he didn’t talk to me for like a day so I was just like, “Ugh, whatever.” But then he ended our relationship on facebook! And I was just like, “Oh my god!” I need someone who’s mature, y’know?
Friend: Oh… Yeah. Totally.

–NYU

Overheard by: Clook

The CDC Has Issued a Travel Advisory

Boyfriend, looking at girlfriend's iPhone: Who is this guy Nick that you're talking to?
Ditzy girlfriend: Whatever…you don't have to worry about him. He's from New Jersey, so I would never touch him.
Boyfriend: What's that have to do with anything?
Ditzy girlfriend: Hello! Everyone knows that everyone in New Jersey has STDs!

–7 Train

Headline by: kate

Runners-Up:
· “Experience=Wisdom” – Fresca
· “I Only Cheat on You Within the Five Boroughs” – The Cleveland Kid
· “It’s Why They Have 50 Different Words for Painful Urination” – Brother Elmer
· “Nick: I Told Her That’s Not What “Suburbia” Is…” – Porter
· “Why Lincoln & Holland Toll Takers Wear Gloves” – Leary Blaine

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