Lady: Excuse me, do you know where the bathrooms are?
Father with toddler: Nope, sorry.
Lady: I thought people with kids always knew where the bathrooms were.
Father with toddler: Nah, I just let him pee in the grass.
–Central Park
Archive for the ‘Central Park’ Category
Behind the Laughter: Obscenities and Addiction
Balloon-Twisting clown: Ha ha! What are you, some kind of fucking gypsy?
Face painter dressed as gypsy: Do you want a fucking cigarette or what?
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: I quit, but that juggler looks like he could
One to Spare
Man: Yeah, he broke his leg.
Woman: Oh, really? That’s too bad.
Man: Oh, it’s okay though, he broke both of them.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Christopher Benton
Wednesday One-Liners Talk Shit
Woman to friend: I have a theory: they just throw the horseshit over the wall.
–Central Park South
Overheard by: marijke
Jewish guy: You need to come down here at some point and feel how amazing this chair is. It gives great lumbar support. You will be jealous and then you will poop from jealousy… But you better not poop on my chair.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Woman on cell: Honey, but they were pooping all over the deck and hitting each other with shovels!
–West Village
NYU student to mother: You can't really get a good dinner in this town for under ten dollars…well, you can…but you'll just poop it out later.
–4th St & 2nd Ave
(mother notices toddler's soiled diaper, says something to him, and bends down to pick him up)
Toddler (in small, adorable voice): Waaaaiit, can I walk, so my poop doesn't get squashed?
–Bedford & 5th
20-something guy to friend: You need feces? I can provide!
–Broadway & 12th
Overheard by: elijah
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners
Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!
–Church & Chambers
Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.
–Central Park, Great Lawn
Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?
–Prince St Cafe
Overheard by: It DID
Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours.
–Harlem Polling Station
Overheard by: Joe
Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?
Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded.
–113th St
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
The Cooties Appear to Have Gone to His Brain
Four-year-old #1: Ice cream makes your head fall off.
Four-year-old #2: No, it doesn’t.
Four-year-old #1: It was just an expression, asshole.
Four-year-old #2, to his dog: Don’t let him pet you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: amused tourist
Okay, but a Burlap Sack and Shower Cap?
Chick: Does she think that looks hot?
Friend: She’s ten.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jax
He Put His Foot in His Mouth One Time Too Many
Teen girl on cell: So, where are you? So, what happened? Not to your shoe! In the hospital?!
–Central Park
Overheard by: concerned trespasser
Because You Love Me, Right? Honey?
Girl: Honey, are you listening to me?
Guy: No, I was thinking about putting my dick in your mouth.
Girl: Oh.
–Central Park
Overheard by: dead letter b
They’ll Understand about One Word in Ten
Kid: But what if they don’t know what I’m saying?
Mom: Don’t worry. In Canada they speak English.
Kid, crying: But I don’t speak English! I speak American!
–Central Park