Hobo: Spare some change?
Yuppie woman: Sorry. But would you like some prosciutto with melon?
Hobo: Yeah, okay.
–96th & CPW
Overheard by: Jill
Archive for the ‘Central Park’ Category
Wednesday One-liners Are Unclean…Unclean!
Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!
–39th & 6th
I’m Not Even in Heat
Man running by with dog to teenage girl: Woof!
Teenage girl to friend: He better have been talking to the dog.
–Central Park
Your Editors Assumed It Was a Marijuana Thing.
Little kid: I’m the highest reader in my class!
Dad’s friend: What, are all the kids in your class Chinese?
–The Great Lawn
Overheard by: Mariah
Wednesday One-Liners Should Not Be Taken If You Are Pregnant or Nursing
Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.
–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St
Overheard by: dlr
Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.
–E Train
Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.
–E 14th St
Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.
–NYS Psychiatric Institute
Overheard by: nonrandomerror
Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season ‑you could tell.
–Oriental Garden
What Day Do We Post Wednesday One-Liners?
Suit to security guard: Which elevator goes next door?
–1 Penn Plaza
Overheard by: Nora
Hot dog vendor: To go?
–Hot Dog Stand, 62nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Chrissy
Woman holding Dunkin Donuts mug to employee: Excuse me, can this mug hold cold drinks as well, or just hot ones?
–Dunkin Donuts, 76th & York
Woman: Crepe cafe? What do they do there? (comes closer) Ohhhh, they make crepes?
–Crepe Cafe Cart, W 50th St
Overheard by: Dianora
20-something girl to friend: What are we even walking for again?
–Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, Central Park
Laughing, genuinely amazed Columbia underclassman: Isn’t it, like, amazing, how we know what is food and what isn’t food?
–W 114th Street b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Conductor: Next stop is…where am I?
–Uptown 1 Train
The First 31 Years Were Just a Blip
Tourist #1: I want a soda, but I don’t see it on the menu.
Tourist #2: They don’t have soda here?
Tourist #3: I don’t see any drinks on the menu at all.
Tourist #1: This place’ll never make it without soda.
–Carnegie Deli, 54th & 7th
Overheard by: Sitting at the table next to them, three feet away
I Missed My Stop Again?
Tourist #1: Wait, where are we?
Skater kid: Fuckin’ Earth man, fucking Earth.
Tourist #2: Wait, where?
–Bethesda Fountain, Central Park
Like Anyone Hears Anything Said on a Cell Phone
Jogging hoochie on cell: Yeah, I just touched down in Boston. No, I’m still in the airport waiting for my bag.
Black guy: Don’t believe her! She’s in Atlantic City!
–Central Park
Overheard by: MaliceAlice
Janet Reno Has Left a Trail Of Confused Ladies in Her Wake
Girl #1: Oh my god, he is *so* hot!
Girl #2: That’s a woman!
Girl #1: Oh my god! Does that make me gay? Am I gay?
–Central Park
