Teen girl on cell: So, where are you? So, what happened? Not to your shoe! In the hospital?!
–Central Park
Overheard by: concerned trespasser
Archive for the ‘Central Park’ Category
Because You Love Me, Right? Honey?
Girl: Honey, are you listening to me?
Guy: No, I was thinking about putting my dick in your mouth.
Girl: Oh.
–Central Park
Overheard by: dead letter b
They’ll Understand about One Word in Ten
Kid: But what if they don’t know what I’m saying?
Mom: Don’t worry. In Canada they speak English.
Kid, crying: But I don’t speak English! I speak American!
–Central Park
My Daddy Says He Has a Very Expensive One on His Back
JAP #1: If you had the chance to hold a monkey, but you had to pay, like, five dollars for it, would you do it?
JAP #2: Oooh, uh-uh. Ain’t no monkey worth five dollars of my time.
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: sarah+ryan
I’d Guess Not Unlike Star Jones
Woman #1: …she’s also a lesbian.
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: Yeah. She’s a black Jewish lesbian mother.
Woman #2: …What do the kids look like?
–Central Park reservoir track
Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Extreme Sharing”
20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!
–Central Park
Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!
Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.
–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anna
Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.
–Tribeca Park
Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: This girl from NY
Got Any Sack-Hygiene Tips?
Frat boy #1: So, this chick loves to suck my balls.
Frat boy #2: Dude, you told us that, like, seven times.
Frat boy #3: Yeah, I’m beginning to think you’re lying.
Frat boy #1: But now I gotta really lather up down there.
–Pool bar
Overheard by: Scotched
Wednesday One-liners Need to Know
Girl: What happens to the leaves if you just leave them on the ground? They just die, right?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Vera Farrelly
C’mon, That Shit Was Weaker Than What We Snorted at Frank’s Funeral
Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!
–Rumsey Field, Central Park
Overheard by: Jet Black
And Your Mother Keeps Giving Birth to Human Children
Cute little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Come over here!
Large angry man: No! I want to see the monkeys!
–Central Park Zoo