Archive for the ‘Central Park’ Category

And Friday’s His Scrabble Night… No, I’ve Never Gone With Him to Scrabble Night, Why?

Hipster Girl #1: So you guys should come. Oh! You should bring your boyfriend, I haven’t met him yet.
Hipster Girl #2: I wish I could but it’s on Wednesday night, right? He’s really into fashion, that’s when he watches Project Runway.
[Hipster Girl #1 stares blankly at Hipster Girl #2 for a few moments.]Hipster Girl #1: Oh.

–Central Park

Overheard by: hobojane

Some Half-Baked Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It's me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

Until I Fuck You with a Strap-On at Intermission

Girl #1: I was so impressed with him! He immediately identified me as bi. No one else had ever done that before.
Girl #2: I know. When I came out three months ago, I called everyone I knew, and they were all surprised.
Girl #1: And here we are at Hamlet, sitting here in dresses! No one will ever suspect!

–Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Wednesdays Feel Virtuous When They Don't Eat One-Liners

Weird hobo: Ladies and gentleman, I am a disabled Vietnam vet. I'm asking help from all of you so I don't wind up on the streets. While in Vietnam, I was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me my disability–I became a vegetarian.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: An Amused Former Vegetarian

Aging hippie to woman spouting PETA propaganda: I've been a vegan for 30 years. You're embarrassing me. Why do you do that?

–F Train

Overheard by: AeC

Guy: Yo, I'm vegetarian now, I don't eat no meat, but man I love that chicken. That chicken just keeps comin' back to me!

–Manna's

Overheard by: eatinginharlem

Crazy-looking woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was totally a vegetarian yesterday. Like literally, I ate no meat.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Meat Eater

Clueless 20-something female: Do you have another menu? I'm a vegan.

–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, 31st St

Some NYC History, Overheard Style

Slacker #1: You know that ships used to come up the river and dock in the West Village?
Slacker #2: Really, man?
Slacker #1: Yeah, really. They used to let the sailors out there…yeah, that’s where the term “Hey Sailor” came from.

–Prince Street laundromat

Japanese girl: If this is New York, where are Old York?
Japanese Dad: I think that is in England.

–59th & 6th

Overheard by: Svein Brunstad

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park