Archive for the ‘Central Park’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don’t ruin it.

–Gourmet Garage

Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.

–NBC Studios

Overheard by: Tracy

Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!

–Central Park

Overheard by: chellie

Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don’t start behavin’ I’m gonna send you in for the new model!

–R Train

Overheard by: Kait

Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don’t do that! You gonna get germs! Yo’ hand gonna fall off!

–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp

Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he’s stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.

–East Village

Mom holding little boy’s hand: Forget everything you’ve seen today.

–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today

…High Five!

Girl in short skirt: Hey, that hobo just whistled at me!
Girl in tight pants: Ohmigod, he totally whistled at me like five minutes ago!
Girl in short skirt: Maybe he has something caught in his throat?
Girl in tight pants: No, I think were just really hot.

–Pond Bench, Central Park

Overheard by: A Person with Ears

Henceforth to Be Known as the “Ironyvator”

Guy #1: Get out of the way! You’re in the walking lane and
people are trying to pass.
Guy #2: What walking lane? Only an idiot would walk on an elevator. People who walk are idiots.
Guy #1: This is called an escalator.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Nicole Victoria

Girl: Let’s take the stairs.
Guy: But the stairs are so…leg-oriented.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Guy: It’s like a conveyor belt for miserable people.

–Penn Station

Wednesday-One-Liner and Disorderly

Student: I feel like I’m drunk. Like when I was six.

–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem

Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!

–Central Park

Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first into a chair: Don’t worry about him, he’s just drunk.

–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!

–University & 9th St