Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Chinatown’ Category

You Can’t Judge a Wednes­day by Its One-Lin­er

Col­lege stu­dent: This is the best Barnes & No­ble I’ve ever seen!

–Bor­ders, Time Warn­er Cen­ter

Stu­dent: So, the au­thor of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-low… Fuck it, we’re call­ing him L‑train.

–Eu­gene Lang Col­lege

Over­heard by: Hark­er

Large woman with friends: Oh, girl, I got to tell you about this book I’m read­ing. It’s off the hook! They’re send­ing in this un­der­cov­er agent, and I think it’s his sis­ter, but he’s all get­ting ready to have sex with her!

–White Cas­tle, 36th & 8th

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Woman on phone: I was in Union Square, so I stopped in Barnes & No­ble. (pause) Nig­ga, I can read!

–Union Square

Lit­tle British boy: Oh my good­ness, dad, look! They have books on dat­ing. How to Date? is prob­a­bly like, “Don’t take her to Mc­Don­ald’s!”

–Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

Tat­tooed art­sy guy, putting hand on art­sy Asian girl’s shoul­der: I read your book and re­al­ly liked it… lot­ta piss­ing, huh?

–Mott & Prince

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Di­ane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink un­der­wear: Yeah, I’ve fall­en asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold’s Gym, 54th St

Over­heard by: John­ny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a par­ty and sold raf­fle tick­ets, the win­ner got to restyle his hair. He’s weird.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I mar­ry a Japan­ese, then there’s all that weird sex stuff. I’m mar­ry­ing Ko­re­an. They’re adorable, and don’t have that weird com­mu­nism thing the Chi­nese do.

–Chi­na­town

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pas­ta here with weird veg­eta­bles and weird meat. My fa­vorite meal here is break­fast. I am so ready to go home!

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: D‑Law

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Need to Be Con­soled

Tech guy: It would suck to be a cow, then you could­n’t play Street Fight­er.

–Mary­mount Man­hat­tan Col­lege

Blond girl, re­gard­ing Egypt­ian ar­ti­facts: This is just like a video game!

–The Met

Over­heard by: Rachael and Ben

Mind­less dude play­ing PSP: Damn! Why is this bitch call­ing me? (an­swers cell) What do you want, you made me stop my game! (pause) My game as in “my video game,” psh! (pause) Shit, if I had any game I would­n’t be with a bitch that looks like you, now what do you want?

–A Train

Over­heard by: to­ken white chick

Ghet­to kids, as 95-year-old Chi­nese la­dy walks in­to mov­ing traf­fic: Damn, she think she play­ing Frog­ger!

–Chi­na­town

Friend to friend: I won­der how Su­per Mario Bros will in­flu­ence my de­ci­sion?

–Hous­ton St & Broad­way

We Checked, It’s Re­al. Ick.

Brunette us­ing com­put­er: Have you ever posed naked?
Blonde: Yeah, my ex-boyfriend post­ed a video of me on the net.
Brunette: Re­al­ly? What’s the URL?
Blonde: An­i­mal boinks dot com*.
Brunette, find­ing site: Now what?
Blonde: Click ‘Ta­mi*.‘
Brunette: Oh my god! Is that you?
Blonde: Yeah.
Brunette: You’re fuck­ing a dog!
Blonde: My ex-boyfriend begged me for months to do that.
Brunette: I like man dick. I even like pussy… How could you fuck a dog, you sick bitch?
Blonde: Fuck you! At least I’m not a les­bian!
Brunette: At least I stick to my own species!
Blonde: Dyke!
Brunette: Sick bitch! You fuck pigs and hors­es, too?
Blonde: No, just dogs. It was my ex-boyfriend’s idea. And at least I’m not a les­bian.
Brunette: At least I’m not on the net with a pooch eat­ing my cooch!
Chi­nese nerd-boy at next com­put­er: This is the best con­ver­sa­tion I ever heard in my life!

–In­ter­net café, Mott St, Chi­na­town

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Gui­tars… gui­tarists, gui­tarists… drum­mers, yeah, any mu­si­cians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave Eu­ro­pean guy: I am play­ing the pi­ano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Li­brar­i­an­ish-look­ing woman: He asked me if I want­ed to blow his tu­ba, and I said, “sure!”. It was amaz­ing­ly hard­er than I thought it would be. And, he’s bring­ing his or­gan to­mor­row so I can play with it.

–Bat­tery Park Star­bucks

30-some­thing woman: My con­sul­tant was telling me I should try not to sound elit­ist. But that’s re­al­ly hard for me. I mean, I have two mas­ter’s de­grees and I play the vi­o­lin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Body­builder on cell: I’m think­ing a harp­si­chord, a wig, and a whole lot­ta tal­cum pow­der.

–Chi­na­town Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grind­ing is as prac­ti­cal as play­ing the harp­si­chord was for Jane Austen.

–Up­per East Side